( it's still surreal for him to think that dick had died. still something he can't entirely wrap his head around. not when he has him right here β can feel the warmth of his breath and his skin. even the beats of his heart when they're in bed, tangled in sheets. to think that heart had ever stopped beating... that it could again...
it fuels him to be better. for batman to be better. so that he can protect those he cares about and never have to lose anyone ever again. it's an impossible thing to try and achieve, part of him knows that. but he can't help it. he needs to try. do whatever he can to never have to feel that pain again. because he doesn't know if he'll be able to come back from it again if he does.
forgetting that people exist β forgetting that bruce wayne himself exists most days. he's guilty of thatβ still does that to alfred's dismay. the look of hope that touches the man's face whenever he thinks the boy he'd helped raised into a man might actually be that man for once instead of the vigilante skulking in the shadows he's chosen to be... as if there's more to him than simply being vengeance. even if he can't always see that. it's why he needs others around him. to remind him he's more than just batman.
he lets blue eyes fall shut. lets his head knock gently against dick's, brows touching. tries to ground himself here in this moment and the other's words. it's not easy for him. but... he's trying. )
If you die on me, I won't be able to come back.
( words he says softly before he finally opens his eyes. )
no subject
it fuels him to be better. for batman to be better. so that he can protect those he cares about and never have to lose anyone ever again. it's an impossible thing to try and achieve, part of him knows that. but he can't help it. he needs to try. do whatever he can to never have to feel that pain again. because he doesn't know if he'll be able to come back from it again if he does.
forgetting that people exist β forgetting that bruce wayne himself exists most days. he's guilty of thatβ still does that to alfred's dismay. the look of hope that touches the man's face whenever he thinks the boy he'd helped raised into a man might actually be that man for once instead of the vigilante skulking in the shadows he's chosen to be... as if there's more to him than simply being vengeance. even if he can't always see that. it's why he needs others around him. to remind him he's more than just batman.
he lets blue eyes fall shut. lets his head knock gently against dick's, brows touching. tries to ground himself here in this moment and the other's words. it's not easy for him. but... he's trying. )
If you die on me, I won't be able to come back.
( words he says softly before he finally opens his eyes. )
So don't.