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[cohero]

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[jbird]

The comment had been meant as a stupid joke. Emphasis on the stupid part in hindsight. He thought maybe if he could voice his fears jokingly it might help lessen the weight of them. He had no idea Dick would react so strongly or be that upset by it. Jason knew it was only a matter of time before he fucked it up somehow, he just hadn’t expected it to be this soon.

Now Jason finds himself pacing back and forth in Dick’s living room, sitting, checking his phone, standing, rinse and repeat. Where they left things over text seems okay, not perfect, but not as heated. That doesn’t stop the anxiety from creeping in like a poison, tightening his chest and making him feel restless, fidgety, fighting the urge to flee. The old Jason would have taken off, too pissed, probably too cowardly to make himself vulnerable enough to face a conversation like this head on. Jason tried vulnerable in some of those low, desperate moments early on and it backfired, reinforcing the walls he kept around himself.

Suddenly there’s the soft beep of the alarm disabling and the slide of the door and Jason stops in his tracks, turning to find Dick standing there looking lost. Even if Dick didn’t see Jason pacing anxiously, Jason’s hair is a dead giveaway, curls a mess from him running his hands through his hair over and over. It’s not that he doesn’t want to touch the man standing in the doorway. It’s the exact opposite actually. He wants to touch him, he wants to pull him into his arms and hold him more than anything. It’s just he doesn’t know what Dick’s expectations are for talking and if he fucks this up even more somehow, it’ll be a lot easier if he doesn’t have to feel Dick pull away from him.

“Dick…” His voice is a little more anxious than he intends, making bare his real emotions he tries to keep under a facade of bravado. There is no denying the look on Dick’s face and the desperation in his voice and Jason steps forward, legs moving before his brain can catch up with his body. Fingers tug at the hem of Dick’s jacket, pulling him closer into the room and he wraps his arms around the older man, taking him in a tight embrace. “You don’t have to apologize, idiot." He says, fondness softening his voice, even in spite of the nerves. "It was my fault.”

[cohero]

"I know I'm not perfect, and that I've fucked up so many times. I mean, you don't even know the half of it Jason. I -- " He wraps himself around Jason and tucks his face into the other male's neck. It's immediately soothing. Dick knows that he shouldn't let it be this easy. There should be room for talking. Jesus, they're so fucked up. They get into fights so damn easily, and neither of them seem to know how to communicate worth a damn with the other, but the need is so great and now that they've crossed this threshold, Dick has no way of going back.

Turning back a clock is like walking backwards across barbed wire, sure it's fucking possible-- but there ain't a bird in hell that's gonna make him do it. Stripping off his jacket, Dick's out of his tie and shirt in minutes and he's pulling Jason out of his shirt too. It doesn't matter if they're going to talk. This is what he needs. He needs his hands on Jason's skin, the real thing, and he needs to feel that warm, firm skin against his own as they talk. He kisses him several times as he drags him over to the couch.

"Okay, this. Us. We are a mess. I know it. You know it. Fuck, we can't even talk about sucking cock without fighting. When you joke, you always hit me where it hurts somehow and I don't even know what it is before hand to tell you how I can help. I know you hold a world against me, and I deserve it. I was selfish, jealous and hateful at times, but fuck if I didn't love you so much the entire time. I pulled away because if I didn't, I could have messed all of us up. I am never going to forgive myself either. I- there's more, but I don't even know how to tell you. I - you'll end up hating me. Just know I will never let go of you again. "