What, they're funny shit. I mean, these shows are hilarious. How do you think I got the idea to tattoo something above my junk, because I saw people do it. I think some guy had something to do with sucking and cunts put above his cock, and he got a tattoo redo. I love those shows too, cause you see the trash people have turned into something nice at least.
[He's laughing too, cause it's both funny, and Jason's laughter is incredibly infectious. Leaning over he kisses Jason on the cheek.]
Tattoos are super sexy, and we aren't with the Bat, plus our costumes cover the shoulders, arms, legs. I mean, we have plenty of places that no one would ever see on us. There are places we get our suits ripped more often, try to stay away from that, but the suit's better and better now. I want to be sexy. There's a parlor right next door. We should do it today.
I watch them when I should be working from time to time, when I'm stumped on something. It gets my flow going and then there's the nights when I can't sleep and it's better than pacing. This is the quality crap that's on. I promise, I'll put some on next time we are curled up in bed together.
[Hooking an around around him when they move into the shoes, picking up this pair and that before setting it down again with a wrinkled nose. It's hard to pick out something exactly right.]
What, it's not like I'm getting something weird put on me in the middle of my ass cheek. Why can't I get one today? What's wrong with being spontaneous. I used to do it all the time, still do when I'm fighting. Never know what's gonna happen when you're out there. It's good to be able to switch it up from time to time.
Hell yes. I definitely wanna watch dudes tattooing their dicks before we go to sleep.
[Forgive him, he's very distracted from the shoes at the moment. Dick is talking about the two of them getting tattoos and he adds that to the list of things he didn't think would ever happen.]
No- you know me, I fucking love being spontaneous. I love switching it up. It's just different when it comes to you. A tattoo is a bit commitment.
It could be girls getting a weird looking tramp stamp covered up too. I know that you'd rather see dicks, but it's still funny.
[Teasing Jason, Dick nudges him, laughing. He finds a pair of black Tims that actually look like something Jason might wear and points them out, while he fingers a leather pair of boots across the way. It's really hard not to appreciate a good looking pair of boots in their line of work. ]
I figured that, but you know I've already thought about getting a part of you tattooed on me. I hadn't figured out what I wanted, but you're mine and I'm yours, and I know that's not going to change, ever. It's like the best kind of hickey I can have.
[He looks at the shoes, picking up the one Dick points out, but he's still stuck on the tattoo thing. Dick is definitely swaying him in that direction, even if it's not something he's ever thought about before.]
Okay. But-- I don't know if I wanna get a mask tattoo. It's a really cool idea and I like it, but when it comes to us... it's outside of just masks, you know? I know how sentimental that sounds, but it's something I love about you. About us. You love me for me, even without the masks.
[It's been on Dick's mind for a while, and he hadn't thought about getting a mask, really. So, it's nice when Jason says something first. Moving up behind him, Dick snakes his arms around Jason and kisses the back of his neck.]
I feel the same way. Our masks are who we are to the world around us, and not to one another. We are beyond that, and always have been. You loved me before I ever knew, and i loved you before I ever thought I should. We need to get something that's very meaningful to the both of us.
[ He smiles softly, leaning back against Dick. It's amazing how easily he's able to relax around the other. It amazes him how much Dick understands him these days, too.
It took a lot to get here, but now they have and it's so good. ]
Yes. Exactly that. Something meaningful to the both of us. I'd be into that.
[Knowing what it means to be here, relaxing against one another in a wide open public place, Dick can only smile. It doesn't matter that there are barely any people around. There's this step that they've taken together in their relationship. Today they are out together as Dick and Jason, couple. What a thought that brings, he kisses jason a few more times and whispers that he loves him in his ear.]
First, where do you want it. That's going to play into what it is, and how big do you want it to be. I mean, I don't think we want giant tattoos today, but I'm open as to where we put them. I'd like to keep them in matching spots so that if they work together, or match our bodies will line up and show that.
[ He loves this so much. The two of them being out together as Dick and Jason- a couple. This day is going better than he thought it would. And now? With the added excitement of getting a tattoo?
It feels like a big commitment, but he likes it. ]
Maybe a good place would be on our arm? Or back? Not too big, yeah. Especially cause we're going on a trip and we don't want the healing to be a bitch and a half.
[There's a phrase Dick had seen earlier and he loved it, and now he has an idea. He tugs Jason over to the side and pulls up google and spends several minutes running through ideas and shaking his head, turning his nose up. Then he pulls up a picture and he asks...]
How about this on your right shoulder with the phrase "You see all my light." and I would get a black copy on my left shoulder with the phrase "You love all my dark" It would look a little like this lettering wise, but it would be beside our dragons.
[Holding up his phone, Dick pulled up a picture he found of a tattoo he saw a while ago, and really thought the wording suited them. While they both saw the light and dark in one another, Dick saw all the light that there was in Jason, and could see nothing different, and through all things, Jason loved Dick through all the mess that he put him through. The ups and downs and the insecurities that he still chased. The sliver of darkness that had been left behind, Jason always came back and loved Dick through it all. Sure, there was one more issue of darkness that Dick had left to confess, but he would do that while they got their tattoos. It would be a confession of pain and would be cathartic as their adrenaline flowed. ]
[ Jason's happy to move off to the side to look at tattoos. It's so surreal, but it seems like they're really gonna do this. He watches Dick look through options, smiling at the look on his face before he looks down at his screen to check out the options as well.
His smile turns soft when Dick tells him about the quote. It touches his heart, and he's amazed that Dick could find something that really seems to incapsulate them. ]
I love that quote. It's perfect. What if-- what if we got a phoenix, though. You know, like... rising up from the ashes kinda thing?
[Dick had spun so much time and thought into this vacation, and he'd honestly already thought of getting a tattoo during it at some point, and so these thoughts weren't as far away from his mind as Jason might think.
Honestly, Dick spent a lot of time thinking about Jason in general, enough lately that it had been distracting but in a good way. This was all he'd ever been looking for in life and it made him beyond happy. The idea of switching it up to phoenixes has Dick nodding. It had been a thing that had crossed his mind, honestly. He dismissed it, but now when Jason brings it up again, he realizes how brilliant it really is. ]
You're right. It really should be a phoenix. We've both been reborn like a phoenix. They are normally larger when done on men, and not as often done in grayscales because it's a fire bird. We could do this and keep it as it is, using our words bedside it, or see if we can do something like this one in a smaller size, and maybe even see if they can shade one bird lighter than the other. I'm not sure if it's possible, but anything is doable with money. I don't mind using it to get us what we want today. If there are any that you like, feel more than free to point them out. I'm barely scratching the surface of what's out there when it comes to phoenix tattoos. They are truly beautiful.
[ It's nice that Dick is sharing these thoughts with him. Jason really had no idea Dick would ever want to get a tattoo. Now though, it seems like he really has put a lot of thought into it. It leaves Jason a little more curious, too.
Sometimes he doesn't know what's going on in that head of his- but he likes these surprises. ]
I really like the colorful one. I like that it's bright and I like the silhouette. We can put our words beside it.
[He smiles, looking at Dick.]
Do you like it? I want you to be good with this too.
[There's always so much going through his mind, and he does his best to try and share it, but he feels like a lot of time they're working so much that they don't always get the time needed, but at least for now they have a lock down on it. This is their time and nothing and noone can spoil it.
This will be a bond that lasts a lifetime, exactly like he wants all things pertaining to them to be like.]
The colorful one is absolutely stunning, why do you think I shared it with you. It's us. You and I flying through the sky together on our new journey through life. The words make absolute sense next to it. If we get it on matching shoulders, then when we walk together they will be together like we are and the words will mean something like the phoenixes will, all telling the story of us.
[ That's why this vacation will be good for them. They'll have the time they need to share more than they have before. Jason's looking forward to it. ]
I like that. I like it a lot.
[He smiles big and bright, leaning in to kiss Dick, moving a hand to his face.]
[Every step closer, makes Dick all the more eager and excited himself. It brings out all the sides that have been tucked away because they dive so hard into what they do, and spend the rest of the time drinking-- one of them or both of them. There will be time for all that, minus work, but so much more fun. Dick's already starting the fun, and he's ready to get out of here and on the way to getting their tattoos.]
Good, I'm happy about it all too.
[Dick sticks his phone away, and moves to turn, only to walk into a kiss and a hand on his face. Pulling Jason into him, he looks over at him with a small shake of his head.]
I love that we're doing this, and if you had any idea how much I love you, you'd see that it was the simplest decision I've ever made. I love you, Jason, I love you so very much. Thank you for loving me back.
[ Jason's still not completely used to this- he knows he should be, and Dick would probably be baffled as to why he's not- but this outpouring of love and affection aimed at him for the first time in his entire life? Yeah, it's new and it feels like a dream.
Only for a second here and there, though, because Jason reminds himself that this is actually his life now. They're like this with each other all the time.
He smiles, leaning into every kiss, no matter where they are. ]
Thank you for loving me in the first place. Come on, screw the boots we'll get them next time. I wanna go do this right now.
[There's still a large part of Dick that's terrified he's going to fuck it all up somewhere, but they've gotten so far and he knows that he can't let go of this and survive the other side of it without serious damage. It would be like falling into that pit all over again. He really hopes that Jason doesn't hate him when they talk. The more he thinks on it, the more he realizes that he needs to tell Jason before.
Not here though, it needs to be a place where they have room to talk and react. Taking a deep breath, Dick smiles and slides his fingers through Jason's taking him back down. ]
Hey, before we get the tattoo done. I want to tell you about what happened in the pit. I want to make sure you... know everything. I didn't have control over it all, but I want to sit and tell you everything. Okay?
[Pushing the button for the elevator, Dick leans against Jason's side lightly keeping their hands trapped neatly between them.]
[ Jason raises his eyebrows, because that's the least expected topic of conversation for right now. He's a little confused about it, but- it seems important to Dick. ]
...Okay. Sure.
[He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, watching him.]
[He can be confused, but Dick's not. It's a huge thing for him. A weight that he bears like a chain around his neck. It feels like it might engulf him some nights and he's sure that Jason has pulled him from the terrors more than once. They do that for one another. They may not talk about it, but Dick doesn't care. He loves Jason no matter what shadow demons chase him, so Dick might as well show his worst hand. ]
I love you. You know that right. I mean, you've been the person I've loved since before we were even this... even when I - I was so jealous. We talked about that. It was the worst part of me.
[He stops when the doors open and then Dick turns around and looks for a few seconds. There's an exit to the street to the left, and he walks them quietly toward it. It takes a minute or so to get there, and he's squeezing Jason's hand the entire way. ]
[And so the tone of this conversation scares him a little. It can't be anything bad though, right? Dick wouldn't that that. No, that wouldn't make sense, he tells himself, so he tries to stop his reeling thoughts before they go down the wrong path.]
I love you too.
[Jason reassures him, eyes on him as they exit the store. Dick's holding on tight to his hand, and at least that part is reassuring, but he hates how things like this make him feel. Like some inevitable awful thing is coming.]
[Somehow, amazingly, the store in an upscale district is near a park-- go figure, and there's a bench, of course there is. It's made for them to sit at and stare at the grass that's struggling to go from brown to green once more. Dick pulls Jason into him, almost in his lap if he could. He wraps an arm around behind him and leans his head against him. ]
So, I told you how when we met, and for a while after I was jealous. I felt like you took my place, and it was stupid, it was so stupid of me. I didn't understand then what I know now. I didn't know you. I had already started to fall for you, and immediately pulled away, but back then I didn't know how to control myself in any predictable way. I saw you as having things that I didn't want, and yet wasn't ready to give up. You were robin, and knew who you were. I had no clue who I was on the inside. I was floundering. I didn't understand that you didn't know either. Then I saw that you were .... masterful, so full of life and proud to be Robin. I missed being so full of life, not only was I jealous of it, I wanted you because of it. It was one of the first things that drew me in. Your spark. Then the way you moved, and fuck, your body, and so, so, many other things. Your beautiful smile, your eyes... I was such a mess. I really was. I know that people didn't see me that way, but I know who I was inside. It was dark, and selfish and a messy horrid place.
[Dick stroked over Jason's arm. He knows that they've talked through a lot of this, but it's all a part of what leads to his afterlife, he guesses -- he doesn't know what else to call it. It's the worst thing in the world. ]
The part to remember is that, even through my jealousy, I came to love you. I loved you so much, even if I couldn't show it.
So, the worst thing in the world for me would be to truly harm you. To bring my jealousy to life and take it out on you. The pit, it does that. Remember. We talked about that. About blocking things out too.... I didn't block mine out, although god, I wish that I could, Jason. I wish. I don't want you to hate me. I still don't, I can't still see it though.... I close my eyes and i can still see it.
[He closes his eyes now and takes a deep breath, emotion heavy in the sound of his voice.]
[ By the time they sit on the bench at the park, Jason's uneasiness has kicked up by a lot. He feels like maybe something's very wrong. Like he did something wrong. He knows it's just his shitty brain on overdrive, but these kinds of talks in the past have never ended up good.
Dick doesn't seem annoyed by him or frustrated by him in the least though, and so he tries real hard to shove his self doubts away and be here for Dick. He moves an arm around him as well, but still looks pretty damn worried.
Dick starts, and Jason nods. He remembers when they first met. He remembers every single thing about it. He still can't believe Dick actually started to fall for him back then. That part feels surreal. He didn't know Dick was floundering either though. He always seemed so together.
He furrows his eyebrows, eying Dick's face. ]
Is that what the pit made you do? It made you hurt me?
[The thing that scares Dick is that Jason won't see him the same after this. They rose together, but Dick still harbored this secret for all the things he said about truth, he kept this. This is his secret, the thing that holds him back-- this is why he's always scared. It's why he can't ever judge anymore, why his heart is dark in places he never talks about. Dick does the best to be the person he has always been, but at times he's not.
Closing his eyes, Dick nods. He inhales and breathes out, trying not to let the panic take over him. He made it out alive. He told Crane to go to hell. He was not that person in the end, and Jason needs to realize that too-- but how many times did he let himself kill Jason before.
Bile rises in his throat even thinking of it. He's with the person he loves more than anything, and the one he wants to commit his life to. Turning so that they touch a little more, he looks at Jason's knees.]
I was... I was the Joker inside, and controlled by Cane. He kept pushing me, pushing me to give into my jealousy and ... and I had a bat, and... I beat you. I killed you. I did it, Jason over and...
[This time Dick turns away and is sick. He hates himself for what he did down there. It's the epitome of wrong. There's more to the story, but he doesn't even know if Jason will still want to look at him to live with him after this.]
I killed you, and until I was able to get a hold of my narrative and realize that I was in control, and that I never wanted this, that it wasn't what I wanted, I almost really died. When I stopped, Crane disappeared and I came out choking and Gar and Rachel saved me. I understand if you don't want to ever look at me again. I couldn't bear to tell you before this. It was too much, and I love you so much. I - I hate myself so much for that, I don't blame you if you hate me too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He's laughing too, cause it's both funny, and Jason's laughter is incredibly infectious. Leaning over he kisses Jason on the cheek.]
Tattoos are super sexy, and we aren't with the Bat, plus our costumes cover the shoulders, arms, legs. I mean, we have plenty of places that no one would ever see on us. There are places we get our suits ripped more often, try to stay away from that, but the suit's better and better now. I want to be sexy. There's a parlor right next door. We should do it today.
no subject
[He's highly amused by the image of Dick sitting down and watching this kind of trash TV.]
I'm surprised you even wanna get a tattoo after all that.
[His eyebrows shoot up and he slows a little.]
Today? Whoa. How spontaneous of you, Dick Grayson.
no subject
[Hooking an around around him when they move into the shoes, picking up this pair and that before setting it down again with a wrinkled nose. It's hard to pick out something exactly right.]
What, it's not like I'm getting something weird put on me in the middle of my ass cheek. Why can't I get one today? What's wrong with being spontaneous. I used to do it all the time, still do when I'm fighting. Never know what's gonna happen when you're out there. It's good to be able to switch it up from time to time.
no subject
[Forgive him, he's very distracted from the shoes at the moment. Dick is talking about the two of them getting tattoos and he adds that to the list of things he didn't think would ever happen.]
No- you know me, I fucking love being spontaneous. I love switching it up. It's just different when it comes to you. A tattoo is a bit commitment.
no subject
[Teasing Jason, Dick nudges him, laughing. He finds a pair of black Tims that actually look like something Jason might wear and points them out, while he fingers a leather pair of boots across the way. It's really hard not to appreciate a good looking pair of boots in their line of work. ]
I figured that, but you know I've already thought about getting a part of you tattooed on me. I hadn't figured out what I wanted, but you're mine and I'm yours, and I know that's not going to change, ever. It's like the best kind of hickey I can have.
no subject
[He looks at the shoes, picking up the one Dick points out, but he's still stuck on the tattoo thing. Dick is definitely swaying him in that direction, even if it's not something he's ever thought about before.]
Okay. But-- I don't know if I wanna get a mask tattoo. It's a really cool idea and I like it, but when it comes to us... it's outside of just masks, you know? I know how sentimental that sounds, but it's something I love about you. About us. You love me for me, even without the masks.
no subject
[It's been on Dick's mind for a while, and he hadn't thought about getting a mask, really. So, it's nice when Jason says something first. Moving up behind him, Dick snakes his arms around Jason and kisses the back of his neck.]
I feel the same way. Our masks are who we are to the world around us, and not to one another. We are beyond that, and always have been. You loved me before I ever knew, and i loved you before I ever thought I should. We need to get something that's very meaningful to the both of us.
no subject
It took a lot to get here, but now they have and it's so good. ]
Yes. Exactly that. Something meaningful to the both of us. I'd be into that.
no subject
First, where do you want it. That's going to play into what it is, and how big do you want it to be. I mean, I don't think we want giant tattoos today, but I'm open as to where we put them. I'd like to keep them in matching spots so that if they work together, or match our bodies will line up and show that.
no subject
It feels like a big commitment, but he likes it. ]
Maybe a good place would be on our arm? Or back? Not too big, yeah. Especially cause we're going on a trip and we don't want the healing to be a bitch and a half.
no subject
How about this on your right shoulder with the phrase "You see all my light." and I would get a black copy on my left shoulder with the phrase "You love all my dark" It would look a little like this lettering wise, but it would be beside our dragons.
[Holding up his phone, Dick pulled up a picture he found of a tattoo he saw a while ago, and really thought the wording suited them. While they both saw the light and dark in one another, Dick saw all the light that there was in Jason, and could see nothing different, and through all things, Jason loved Dick through all the mess that he put him through. The ups and downs and the insecurities that he still chased. The sliver of darkness that had been left behind, Jason always came back and loved Dick through it all. Sure, there was one more issue of darkness that Dick had left to confess, but he would do that while they got their tattoos. It would be a confession of pain and would be cathartic as their adrenaline flowed. ]
no subject
His smile turns soft when Dick tells him about the quote. It touches his heart, and he's amazed that Dick could find something that really seems to incapsulate them. ]
I love that quote. It's perfect. What if-- what if we got a phoenix, though. You know, like... rising up from the ashes kinda thing?
no subject
Honestly, Dick spent a lot of time thinking about Jason in general, enough lately that it had been distracting but in a good way. This was all he'd ever been looking for in life and it made him beyond happy. The idea of switching it up to phoenixes has Dick nodding. It had been a thing that had crossed his mind, honestly. He dismissed it, but now when Jason brings it up again, he realizes how brilliant it really is. ]
You're right. It really should be a phoenix. We've both been reborn like a phoenix. They are normally larger when done on men, and not as often done in grayscales because it's a fire bird. We could do this and keep it as it is, using our words bedside it, or see if we can do something like this one in a smaller size, and maybe even see if they can shade one bird lighter than the other. I'm not sure if it's possible, but anything is doable with money. I don't mind using it to get us what we want today. If there are any that you like, feel more than free to point them out. I'm barely scratching the surface of what's out there when it comes to phoenix tattoos. They are truly beautiful.
no subject
Sometimes he doesn't know what's going on in that head of his- but he likes these surprises. ]
I really like the colorful one. I like that it's bright and I like the silhouette. We can put our words beside it.
[He smiles, looking at Dick.]
Do you like it? I want you to be good with this too.
no subject
This will be a bond that lasts a lifetime, exactly like he wants all things pertaining to them to be like.]
The colorful one is absolutely stunning, why do you think I shared it with you. It's us. You and I flying through the sky together on our new journey through life. The words make absolute sense next to it. If we get it on matching shoulders, then when we walk together they will be together like we are and the words will mean something like the phoenixes will, all telling the story of us.
no subject
I like that. I like it a lot.
[He smiles big and bright, leaning in to kiss Dick, moving a hand to his face.]
I love that we're doing this. I love you.
no subject
Good, I'm happy about it all too.
[Dick sticks his phone away, and moves to turn, only to walk into a kiss and a hand on his face. Pulling Jason into him, he looks over at him with a small shake of his head.]
I love that we're doing this, and if you had any idea how much I love you, you'd see that it was the simplest decision I've ever made. I love you, Jason, I love you so very much. Thank you for loving me back.
no subject
Only for a second here and there, though, because Jason reminds himself that this is actually his life now. They're like this with each other all the time.
He smiles, leaning into every kiss, no matter where they are. ]
Thank you for loving me in the first place. Come on, screw the boots we'll get them next time. I wanna go do this right now.
no subject
Not here though, it needs to be a place where they have room to talk and react. Taking a deep breath, Dick smiles and slides his fingers through Jason's taking him back down. ]
Hey, before we get the tattoo done. I want to tell you about what happened in the pit. I want to make sure you... know everything. I didn't have control over it all, but I want to sit and tell you everything. Okay?
[Pushing the button for the elevator, Dick leans against Jason's side lightly keeping their hands trapped neatly between them.]
no subject
...Okay. Sure.
[He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, watching him.]
You know whatever it is, it's ok though, right?
no subject
I love you. You know that right. I mean, you've been the person I've loved since before we were even this... even when I - I was so jealous. We talked about that. It was the worst part of me.
[He stops when the doors open and then Dick turns around and looks for a few seconds. There's an exit to the street to the left, and he walks them quietly toward it. It takes a minute or so to get there, and he's squeezing Jason's hand the entire way. ]
no subject
[And so the tone of this conversation scares him a little. It can't be anything bad though, right? Dick wouldn't that that. No, that wouldn't make sense, he tells himself, so he tries to stop his reeling thoughts before they go down the wrong path.]
I love you too.
[Jason reassures him, eyes on him as they exit the store. Dick's holding on tight to his hand, and at least that part is reassuring, but he hates how things like this make him feel. Like some inevitable awful thing is coming.]
no subject
So, I told you how when we met, and for a while after I was jealous. I felt like you took my place, and it was stupid, it was so stupid of me. I didn't understand then what I know now. I didn't know you. I had already started to fall for you, and immediately pulled away, but back then I didn't know how to control myself in any predictable way. I saw you as having things that I didn't want, and yet wasn't ready to give up. You were robin, and knew who you were. I had no clue who I was on the inside. I was floundering. I didn't understand that you didn't know either. Then I saw that you were .... masterful, so full of life and proud to be Robin. I missed being so full of life, not only was I jealous of it, I wanted you because of it. It was one of the first things that drew me in. Your spark. Then the way you moved, and fuck, your body, and so, so, many other things. Your beautiful smile, your eyes... I was such a mess. I really was. I know that people didn't see me that way, but I know who I was inside. It was dark, and selfish and a messy horrid place.
[Dick stroked over Jason's arm. He knows that they've talked through a lot of this, but it's all a part of what leads to his afterlife, he guesses -- he doesn't know what else to call it. It's the worst thing in the world. ]
The part to remember is that, even through my jealousy, I came to love you. I loved you so much, even if I couldn't show it.
So, the worst thing in the world for me would be to truly harm you. To bring my jealousy to life and take it out on you. The pit, it does that. Remember. We talked about that. About blocking things out too.... I didn't block mine out, although god, I wish that I could, Jason. I wish. I don't want you to hate me. I still don't, I can't still see it though.... I close my eyes and i can still see it.
[He closes his eyes now and takes a deep breath, emotion heavy in the sound of his voice.]
no subject
Dick doesn't seem annoyed by him or frustrated by him in the least though, and so he tries real hard to shove his self doubts away and be here for Dick. He moves an arm around him as well, but still looks pretty damn worried.
Dick starts, and Jason nods. He remembers when they first met. He remembers every single thing about it. He still can't believe Dick actually started to fall for him back then. That part feels surreal. He didn't know Dick was floundering either though. He always seemed so together.
He furrows his eyebrows, eying Dick's face. ]
Is that what the pit made you do? It made you hurt me?
no subject
Closing his eyes, Dick nods. He inhales and breathes out, trying not to let the panic take over him. He made it out alive. He told Crane to go to hell. He was not that person in the end, and Jason needs to realize that too-- but how many times did he let himself kill Jason before.
Bile rises in his throat even thinking of it. He's with the person he loves more than anything, and the one he wants to commit his life to. Turning so that they touch a little more, he looks at Jason's knees.]
I was... I was the Joker inside, and controlled by Cane. He kept pushing me, pushing me to give into my jealousy and ... and I had a bat, and... I beat you. I killed you. I did it, Jason over and...
[This time Dick turns away and is sick. He hates himself for what he did down there. It's the epitome of wrong. There's more to the story, but he doesn't even know if Jason will still want to look at him to live with him after this.]
I killed you, and until I was able to get a hold of my narrative and realize that I was in control, and that I never wanted this, that it wasn't what I wanted, I almost really died. When I stopped, Crane disappeared and I came out choking and Gar and Rachel saved me. I understand if you don't want to ever look at me again. I couldn't bear to tell you before this. It was too much, and I love you so much. I - I hate myself so much for that, I don't blame you if you hate me too.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)