If you need to hear me say it, then I forgive you. You didn't do those things that you saw in the pit. You don't have to feel guilty over it.
[There were other things, far more real that Jason had been angry at Dick over, but he doesn't want to go back there again. They're at a good place now, and the pain of the past is something he's working through. The present, and how Dick is with him now, that's what matters in the here and now.]
I try not to think about it. I try to keep my head here. With you.
[Maybe repression is not a good way to deal with things, and that's why Jason can get set off like this, so intensely, but- it is what it is.]
I don't hold it against you. What happened in the pit, it was probably like a dream. A really bad dream.
[Though now Jason wonders again why he didn't see anything. Where did he actually go? It's not something he wants to get caught up in now either. He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, his other dragging through his hair.]
I do wanna do it. I wanna feel something else, I wanna be with you.
[Hopefully, all those things are in the had category and they've worked through most of them as well. There are times that Dick worries that things he does brings them through past traumas at times-- things they've never resolved, but because Jason won't share he doesn't know for sure. It's probably the only thing he ever has problems with in their relationship.
Not that it's on his mind right now, and it's not something that would ever keep him from Jason in any real fashion. Little things, they will always bring discussion and bickering, but never anything of real vehemence. Dick loves Jason more than anything this world or the next will ever know. ]
Here is good, as long as there's nothing between us. That's the most important thing. I don't know what the pit is, beyond our worst being thrown at us.
[Dick has his theories, solid ones on that-- there's only so much trauma that a mind and body can handle at once, and Dick truly believes that Jason was already at the edge of his and who knows what blanks that evil medicine stole from his mind anyhow. Plus, he was taken from the pit none too gently, and wasn't surrounded by those who cared for him then either. None of what happened to him was fair or gentle. His entire brain had a reworking. That could have had something to do with it too. There are a lot of reasons.
Right now, it's about being together and being in love. Holding Jason close, Dick pulls back a little and looks at him solidly.]
This is no small thing. This is forever you know. It's not only about feeling something else, this is going to tie you to me, period. I want this more than anything, but I want you to be sure as well.
[ He's probably share those things if Dick really wanted him to, but he hasn't felt the need to just bring it up. He's different from Dick in that way. Dick needs to talk, to let things off his chest like he did right now, but Jason handles his traumas in his own way.
Sometimes though, he just doesn't want to mess things up. Things are good with them, and he doesn't want to ruin that. ]
There's nothing between us, Dick. The stuff from the past, I wanna leave it there. I-- I really appreciate you telling me how you feel though, because that was the thing that got me, you know? You being jealous, me just wanting to get to know you. I didn't realize you had other feelings for me at the start.
[That part is good to know, even now. Dick was scared. They both were.]
Maybe now and then, not all the time, or even often, but eventually, when there's time and you feel open, we can talk about a few things. I- I don't want to accidentally set off a bad memory, or trip you up because I do anything that reminds you of a bad thing in the past that I might be able to help with. Like you didn't know I was jealous, and loved you this whole time, because we didn't talk. I love you, and I want us to be strong.
[It's not that Dick wants to talk. He doesn't. It's like needles in his skin sometimes when he brings things up. It's that he knows that if they're going to make it through, going to do this as a couple, that he has to do this.
Dick made a vow to himself, and to this relationship. Maybe he was stubborn enough not to see the counselor like everyone said he should, but he devoured books, online and even a few of the real things. He's got degrees under his belt, and he might as well add to the things that he knows for the most important thing in his life. ]
Alright, then lets go find this place.
[He kisses Jason one more time, securely, and with a fierce need before he even thinks about moving. His hands wrap tightly around him, because he needs this. He needs Jason, so much. When it breaks, he smiles and slowly unwraps himself. It feels harder to breathe when he does, but he knows he has to in order to do anything.]
Maybe- yeah. I feel like we're in a good place though, aren't we? Bringing up stuff from the past- I dunno. If it's bothering you, sure. We can talk. I didn't know you loved me that whole time, no. But it doesn't change how much I love you know, you know?
[He's not sure if Dick has to do this, especially if he doesn't want to talk. But Jason doesn't exactly approach these things in a healthy way, so maybe the more they start talking, the more normal it'll seem. It's hard to say, though. And he doesn't want to have a panic attack again.
He doubts it'll happen, there isn't much that sets him off. Dick just found one of those deep fears and pulled it right out.
It'll be okay, though. Dick kisses him so fiercely, and he kisses back, letting it give him strength. Being in Dick's arms like this always does. His arms are tight around Dick because he wants the other to know he feels the same way. He needs Dick so damn much.]
I know. I just want to make sure we're healthy. I don't want to have anything hanging between us. Does that make sense. We don't have to do anything now. I'm happy and we're doing wonderful. I feel lighter and love you so much. We can figure out a way to do it that makes it feel less ominous some time.
[It's not going to happen today, or on their trip. It's only a thing that Dick wants them to think about over time, because being able to share the good and bad is a thing that they need to be able to do he thinks-- because bad will happen, and neither of them are perfect.
Maybe if they do get used to it now it'll be easier in the future. It's only because this relationship and Jason are the most important things in the world to Dick and there's nothing he would do to make sure they remain together and a success.
Getting this tattoo is a huge step for them, and when they kiss it feels like there's nothing that could ever tear them apart. Holding Jason for a few seconds longer, Dick presses a kiss to Jason's neck and nods. ]
I'm okay now. I want this more than ever now. I want the world to know that we belong together, two birds risen from the ashes.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[There were other things, far more real that Jason had been angry at Dick over, but he doesn't want to go back there again. They're at a good place now, and the pain of the past is something he's working through. The present, and how Dick is with him now, that's what matters in the here and now.]
I try not to think about it. I try to keep my head here. With you.
[Maybe repression is not a good way to deal with things, and that's why Jason can get set off like this, so intensely, but- it is what it is.]
I don't hold it against you. What happened in the pit, it was probably like a dream. A really bad dream.
[Though now Jason wonders again why he didn't see anything. Where did he actually go? It's not something he wants to get caught up in now either. He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, his other dragging through his hair.]
I do wanna do it. I wanna feel something else, I wanna be with you.
no subject
Not that it's on his mind right now, and it's not something that would ever keep him from Jason in any real fashion. Little things, they will always bring discussion and bickering, but never anything of real vehemence. Dick loves Jason more than anything this world or the next will ever know. ]
Here is good, as long as there's nothing between us. That's the most important thing. I don't know what the pit is, beyond our worst being thrown at us.
[Dick has his theories, solid ones on that-- there's only so much trauma that a mind and body can handle at once, and Dick truly believes that Jason was already at the edge of his and who knows what blanks that evil medicine stole from his mind anyhow. Plus, he was taken from the pit none too gently, and wasn't surrounded by those who cared for him then either. None of what happened to him was fair or gentle. His entire brain had a reworking. That could have had something to do with it too. There are a lot of reasons.
Right now, it's about being together and being in love. Holding Jason close, Dick pulls back a little and looks at him solidly.]
This is no small thing. This is forever you know. It's not only about feeling something else, this is going to tie you to me, period. I want this more than anything, but I want you to be sure as well.
no subject
Sometimes though, he just doesn't want to mess things up. Things are good with them, and he doesn't want to ruin that. ]
There's nothing between us, Dick. The stuff from the past, I wanna leave it there. I-- I really appreciate you telling me how you feel though, because that was the thing that got me, you know? You being jealous, me just wanting to get to know you. I didn't realize you had other feelings for me at the start.
[That part is good to know, even now. Dick was scared. They both were.]
I'm sure. I wanna do this with you.
no subject
[It's not that Dick wants to talk. He doesn't. It's like needles in his skin sometimes when he brings things up. It's that he knows that if they're going to make it through, going to do this as a couple, that he has to do this.
Dick made a vow to himself, and to this relationship. Maybe he was stubborn enough not to see the counselor like everyone said he should, but he devoured books, online and even a few of the real things. He's got degrees under his belt, and he might as well add to the things that he knows for the most important thing in his life. ]
Alright, then lets go find this place.
[He kisses Jason one more time, securely, and with a fierce need before he even thinks about moving. His hands wrap tightly around him, because he needs this. He needs Jason, so much. When it breaks, he smiles and slowly unwraps himself. It feels harder to breathe when he does, but he knows he has to in order to do anything.]
no subject
[He's not sure if Dick has to do this, especially if he doesn't want to talk. But Jason doesn't exactly approach these things in a healthy way, so maybe the more they start talking, the more normal it'll seem. It's hard to say, though. And he doesn't want to have a panic attack again.
He doubts it'll happen, there isn't much that sets him off. Dick just found one of those deep fears and pulled it right out.
It'll be okay, though. Dick kisses him so fiercely, and he kisses back, letting it give him strength. Being in Dick's arms like this always does. His arms are tight around Dick because he wants the other to know he feels the same way. He needs Dick so damn much.]
Are you doing ok now? You ready for this too?
no subject
[It's not going to happen today, or on their trip. It's only a thing that Dick wants them to think about over time, because being able to share the good and bad is a thing that they need to be able to do he thinks-- because bad will happen, and neither of them are perfect.
Maybe if they do get used to it now it'll be easier in the future. It's only because this relationship and Jason are the most important things in the world to Dick and there's nothing he would do to make sure they remain together and a success.
Getting this tattoo is a huge step for them, and when they kiss it feels like there's nothing that could ever tear them apart. Holding Jason for a few seconds longer, Dick presses a kiss to Jason's neck and nods. ]
I'm okay now. I want this more than ever now. I want the world to know that we belong together, two birds risen from the ashes.