I am? No one's ever told me that before. You're craving me right now? Thinking about me while you're at the bar with your ex? That's kind of hot in a dysfunctional sort of way.
I know that's a lie. I crave you all the time. She's got nothing on you. You are hot in ways she never was and never could be. I never wanted her the way I want you. That's the truth.
Fuck. I'm not sure if it helped or hurt. Now I can't stand up. They're going to have to bring the mic to me.
No duets here. I'm stuck sitting down for a while. This and my imagination are going to probably keep me down for the count. You're going to be at my place waiting when I get home, right?
You don't have to explain yourself but I'm not going to stop you. Especially if that's the way you're talking.
Good luck trying to get out of getting up there. Babs is a force to be reckoned with.
I don't know. My imagination might make it difficult to ride the bike. I'm just sitting here, touching myself, making a mess of my sweats imagining your mouth around me.
I would love to have my mouth around you right now, running my tongue around that perfect red tip, licking you up and down until you beg me to take you in.
I hope you and your sweats really miss me, along with the rest of you, because I am most certain that I could get out of here and grab a cab.
Exactly what you say, or send me next will determine where I end up going with the thing that's putting a hurting on my jeans. I'd show you, but it's not exactly polite in current company.
Yeah, you would like that wouldn't you? I bet you would also let me grab your head and use your mouth any way I want, fuck your face until you're choking on it.
She'll be pissed if you ditch, you know.
My sweats are off but they're not the only thing that misses you. I don't think I can wait for you to grab a cab. I'm already making a mess over here. Enjoy karaoke.
You're the only person I'd ever let use me like that. I'd let you fuck my face, open my mouth and let your hips pound away, smacking the back of my throat, making me swallow it down until you cum.
I didn't ditch, but I did take a trip to the bathroom to show you that I'm thinking about you.
Fuck. That's so hot. I may stay in here until I'm done thinking about what it's like to have my body pressed tight against yours, your heat wrapped tight around me. Damn. I want you so bad right now.
Damn. Now that's a dick pic. Those jeans are way too tight to be that turned on.
I want you too. I'm so hard it's almost painful to not have you here to relieve this. I can't stop thinking about the way you feel pressed against me or your mouth on me at the bar. Fuck. I hate karaoke.
You know I would. If I missed anything I'd happily lick it up afterward. Then I'd force you to kiss me to know what that sort of desperation tastes like.
What can I say, you do things to me.
I hate it too. I'm standing here thinking of you, jerking myself over a damn toilet, leaning against the side of a bathroom stall because it hurts too much to stand up completely. This time my hand is your mouth, and those sinful lips of yours that were made to tempt anyone who looks at you, and you wonder why I get so fucking jealous. If you only looked at yourself. Fuck, Jason.
Fuck. You sure you've never been with a guy before? Because you really know how to get one going.
This time? I like the sound of that. The jealousy thing might take a bit more convincing. I bet you look so fucking good against that stall though, dick in your hand, eyes closed thinking of me. If I was there I'd get on my knees for you right there in that stall.
Wait. Wait fuck. I don't want you to get off without me. I want you to wait until we see each other again. Can you do that for me?
You know it's this time. I told you that you were mine Jason. You better fucking believe it. I'm not letting go of you. Your body, your mouth, all of you belongs to me, and all of me, all of this, belongs to you.
I don't know if I can make it. You expect me to really wrap All of this up and bring it home back to you without getting off. It's gotten about ten times harder since we've been sitting here texting. I want to feel you, but it's almost impossible. Jason.
Fine. For you, but I hope you know what I'm doing for you. I'll text Babs from home, tell her there was an emergency, cause she can't see me like this. Fuck. Damn Fuck.
It would be amazing, a world better, but maybe we'll revisit it when I've dealt with you longer than a few days. Since, I wouldn't want to overstep anything, considering.
Dragging yourself? I don't know what that means, sorry if I'm too old for you.
I'm not being a smartass. I meant it to show you how much I wanted you and what you meant to me. You have me, and I mean, if you don't want this to be about only you and me, then I can't commit to it. I'm to jealous of a person. I think you already know that. If you think I'm a liar still, after all this time then it probably hasn't been long enough. I've done so much to try and prove myself back, I don't know what more I can do. I've asked for forgiveness.
I've explained everything the night we had sex, but if it's not enough. Then none of this will be. I'm not a game. You don't have to date me right away, but when I'm trying to tell you that, you don't have to throw it back in my face.
I just meant that it wasn't supposed to sound like I was insulting myself by saying I'm used to going a long time without
You know what never mind it's not important. Slow down, man. You're making a lot of assumptions. I never called you a liar and I never said this wasn't just you and me. I don't even know what THIS is exactly. We both have a lot to prove, yeah? But this isn't about you asking for forgiveness.
Who said you were a game? You think I would do that to you? Come on, Dick. Nothing is being thrown in your face.
Then why even bring any of it up when I'm sitting here with my dick out talking to you about fucking, then suddenly you're throwing it in my face that I don't know you. or I need to know you for a few more weeks before ... what, telling you that I'm yours, that this cock is yours. whatever, it was fucking dirty talk. I have less than a hard on right now.
Might as well go back to Babs at this point. I'll text you later. This is ... I don't know, but I'm not turned on anymore.
I don't want to have fun with Babs. I want to be with you. I want to wrap my arms around you now, and bury my face in your neck, and reassure you that I'm here. That the things we don't know, we'll learn. I know that part will take time.
I want to take the time, and the only way I can show that is by doing it. There are no fast tracks there. I get that. I'm putting in the work, just by learning to actually talk, and say what's on my mind instead of locking it all up. I made a pact with myself after the pit.
I want that too but I've never had that before. I'm trying. I've been trying. I mean not with you that's new but in general. I've been putting in work too. I just don't want you to think because I'm a little more stable and managing on my own that I'm suddenly cured or whatever.
I don't want you to get your hopes up that I'm this different person without all this baggage dragging behind me. Like your dick is magical don't get me wrong but it's not gonna fix me in one night magical. I'm trying to learn to open up too but I'm gonna fuck up, Dick. Probably a lot.
I never once said anything like that. I never implied that either. I know that you're still working on things. I know that our philosophies don't match and they probably never will. I get that. I don't know what cured means.
I've got a new darkness in me that I don't really know what to do with, and I haven't talked about it with anyone. I don't mention it. I'm going to fuck up, I always fuck up. It's what I do. I'm not saying anything more than what I did.
I want to take time. I want to fuck, to talk sometimes, to hang out and do things you want. I want to make up for the shit I did. I'm not asking for magic, or perfection, or anything. I'm not even asking for a relationship. I don't want to be fucked around on, but we can take our time, Jason. I mean it. Just when I'm telling you I'm gonna come home and fuck you, don't drag up the past. alright? If you feel uncomfortable, you can say you need to slow down, but it suddenly made me feel like I was back there in that tower letting you fall.
I don't know. By cured I just mean I have shit and I'm working on it but I still have it and it's going to bubble over sometimes no matter how hard I try. I just want to make sure you understand that. I would say our philosophies couldn't be more different. That doesn't bother you anymore? You can live with that?
Then we both have a darkness in us only difference is I always did. But maybe that will help us understand each other better. You don't always fuck up, Dick. We all fuck up but inherently you're a good person. You always have been.
LOL I'm sorry but fuck around on you? I'm an idiot but I'd like to think I'm not that much of an idiot. I've been fucking fantasizing about you since before we even met. We don't know a lot about each other but I'm not a fuck around person. I don't really do casual or at least I didn't but some hurts stick with you. Alcohol or not, I didn't do this hoping for a quick fuck and then we go our separate ways. At least, I was hoping it wasn't that for you too.
Sounds like we both have ptsd from that night at the tower then. I'm sorry, ok? I didn't know. I had no idea you even thought about that. I wouldn't try to bring you back there on purpose ever. I know how it feels.
We are all working on our shit. I understand that you're working on it, probably better than you think I do. I know a lot about who you were, and the shit that wrecked you. I won't ever be able to clearly understand it, no. But, I think we can work together.
You kill people who ultimately deserve it, but you spare people too. I've been watching. You spare a lot more than you kill lately. i know that too. I don't like that you kill anyone, but I'm not going to make a deal of it right now. I know why you do it. I know how you feel about Gotham's justice system. I know how you always felt about them.
I've fucked up every relationship I was ever in. Every single on, Jason. I know myself very well. I'm selfish, and jealous, controlling and overly dedicated to my work. Well, I was. I'm working on that. I have not always been good.
I told you how long I've been looking at you for. Let me repeat it. I looked at you every time you looked at me when you moved in, especially during training. it was nearly impossible to get through a session. The nights were terrible. I barely ever slept. I may have fucked up relationships, but I've never turned my head or cheated. I always walked away. You. You have done things to me that no one else ever has, and I can't explain why, and yes, maybe we've only been together once, but this has been growing for a lot longer. You can never be a one time for me. I hope you're still at my place.
I do. I have a lot of regret from our relationship, and a lot more ptsd than you can understand. I don't know if I'll be ready to share it all yet, or even for a while. Some goes deeper than I like to think about.
Maybe I'm not as much of a closed book as I thought. At least, I'm trying to be a little better about it. But at least you understand parts of it. I don't think there is anyone else in the world who does.
What is that saying? Acceptance is a step in the right direction at least. I think maybe you're giving yourself too much credit on the relationship thing. Maybe you haven't always been perfect but maybe some of them just weren't the right fit? I don't know. You have a lot more experience when it comes to relationships than I do but I have fucked up any chance at even friendships. I self-sabotage because that's easier than people seeing me for who I am and it not being good enough.
I know. You have told me. I should have taken you more seriously. I thought maybe heat of the moment? I don't know. I'm not going to lie and say it isn't hard to believe that you looked at me back then too. I'm not saying I doubt you just it hasn't sunk in I don't think. I didn't want to get hopes up too early. I don't know if I can stress enough how long I've wanted you to look back at me and I had no idea.
It's ok. I'm not trying to get you to talk about it. Just saying I didn't know and maybe I should have realized that. I have a lot of shit I'm not ready to talk about and never have. That's an area that's a lot harder for me to work on I think. I'm not still at your place I figured it would be best to not be here when you got back tonight but I can turn around and come back?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
NSFW
Maybe this will help.
Be careful. Next she'll have you doing a duet.
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Fuck. I'm not sure if it helped or hurt. Now I can't stand up. They're going to have to bring the mic to me.
No duets here. I'm stuck sitting down for a while. This and my imagination are going to probably keep me down for the count. You're going to be at my place waiting when I get home, right?
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Good luck trying to get out of getting up there. Babs is a force to be reckoned with.
I don't know. My imagination might make it difficult to ride the bike. I'm just sitting here, touching myself, making a mess of my sweats imagining your mouth around me.
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I hope you and your sweats really miss me, along with the rest of you, because I am most certain that I could get out of here and grab a cab.
Exactly what you say, or send me next will determine where I end up going with the thing that's putting a hurting on my jeans. I'd show you, but it's not exactly polite in current company.
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She'll be pissed if you ditch, you know.
My sweats are off but they're not the only thing that misses you. I don't think I can wait for you to grab a cab. I'm already making a mess over here. Enjoy karaoke.
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I didn't ditch, but I did take a trip to the bathroom to show you that I'm thinking about you.
Fuck. That's so hot. I may stay in here until I'm done thinking about what it's like to have my body pressed tight against yours, your heat wrapped tight around me. Damn. I want you so bad right now.
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Damn. Now that's a dick pic. Those jeans are way too tight to be that turned on.
I want you too. I'm so hard it's almost painful to not have you here to relieve this. I can't stop thinking about the way you feel pressed against me or your mouth on me at the bar. Fuck. I hate karaoke.
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What can I say, you do things to me.
I hate it too. I'm standing here thinking of you, jerking myself over a damn toilet, leaning against the side of a bathroom stall because it hurts too much to stand up completely. This time my hand is your mouth, and those sinful lips of yours that were made to tempt anyone who looks at you, and you wonder why I get so fucking jealous. If you only looked at yourself. Fuck, Jason.
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This time? I like the sound of that. The jealousy thing might take a bit more convincing. I bet you look so fucking good against that stall though, dick in your hand, eyes closed thinking of me. If I was there I'd get on my knees for you right there in that stall.
Wait. Wait fuck. I don't want you to get off without me. I want you to wait until we see each other again. Can you do that for me?
Please.
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I don't know if I can make it. You expect me to really wrap All of this up and bring it home back to you without getting off. It's gotten about ten times harder since we've been sitting here texting. I want to feel you, but it's almost impossible. Jason.
Fine. For you, but I hope you know what I'm doing for you. I'll text Babs from home, tell her there was an emergency, cause she can't see me like this. Fuck. Damn Fuck.
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I know it feels impossible. That's why I'm asking. Think of how much better it will be when I'm there. I'll make it worth it I promise.
Does this mean I owe you? If you want you can blame it on me when she's pissed. Tell her I found myself in a tight spot lol
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It would be amazing, a world better, but maybe we'll revisit it when I've dealt with you longer than a few days. Since, I wouldn't want to overstep anything, considering.
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That wasn't supposed to be dragging myself. But yeah. Never mind.
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I'm not being a smartass. I meant it to show you how much I wanted you and what you meant to me. You have me, and I mean, if you don't want this to be about only you and me, then I can't commit to it. I'm to jealous of a person. I think you already know that. If you think I'm a liar still, after all this time then it probably hasn't been long enough. I've done so much to try and prove myself back, I don't know what more I can do. I've asked for forgiveness.
I've explained everything the night we had sex, but if it's not enough. Then none of this will be. I'm not a game. You don't have to date me right away, but when I'm trying to tell you that, you don't have to throw it back in my face.
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You know what never mind it's not important. Slow down, man. You're making a lot of assumptions. I never called you a liar and I never said this wasn't just you and me. I don't even know what THIS is exactly. We both have a lot to prove, yeah? But this isn't about you asking for forgiveness.
Who said you were a game? You think I would do that to you? Come on, Dick. Nothing is being thrown in your face.
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Might as well go back to Babs at this point. I'll text you later. This is ... I don't know, but I'm not turned on anymore.
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Got it. That makes two of us. Have fun with Babs.
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I don't know I thought it was like you said dirty talk. Fuck. Just forget it. I'm sorry this is not how this was supposed to go. Have fun with Babs.
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I want to take the time, and the only way I can show that is by doing it. There are no fast tracks there. I get that. I'm putting in the work, just by learning to actually talk, and say what's on my mind instead of locking it all up. I made a pact with myself after the pit.
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I don't want you to get your hopes up that I'm this different person without all this baggage dragging behind me. Like your dick is magical don't get me wrong but it's not gonna fix me in one night magical. I'm trying to learn to open up too but I'm gonna fuck up, Dick. Probably a lot.
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I've got a new darkness in me that I don't really know what to do with, and I haven't talked about it with anyone. I don't mention it. I'm going to fuck up, I always fuck up. It's what I do. I'm not saying anything more than what I did.
I want to take time. I want to fuck, to talk sometimes, to hang out and do things you want. I want to make up for the shit I did. I'm not asking for magic, or perfection, or anything. I'm not even asking for a relationship. I don't want to be fucked around on, but we can take our time, Jason. I mean it. Just when I'm telling you I'm gonna come home and fuck you, don't drag up the past. alright? If you feel uncomfortable, you can say you need to slow down, but it suddenly made me feel like I was back there in that tower letting you fall.
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Then we both have a darkness in us only difference is I always did. But maybe that will help us understand each other better. You don't always fuck up, Dick. We all fuck up but inherently you're a good person. You always have been.
LOL I'm sorry but fuck around on you? I'm an idiot but I'd like to think I'm not that much of an idiot. I've been fucking fantasizing about you since before we even met. We don't know a lot about each other but I'm not a fuck around person. I don't really do casual or at least I didn't but some hurts stick with you. Alcohol or not, I didn't do this hoping for a quick fuck and then we go our separate ways. At least, I was hoping it wasn't that for you too.
Sounds like we both have ptsd from that night at the tower then. I'm sorry, ok? I didn't know. I had no idea you even thought about that. I wouldn't try to bring you back there on purpose ever. I know how it feels.
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You kill people who ultimately deserve it, but you spare people too. I've been watching. You spare a lot more than you kill lately. i know that too. I don't like that you kill anyone, but I'm not going to make a deal of it right now. I know why you do it. I know how you feel about Gotham's justice system. I know how you always felt about them.
I've fucked up every relationship I was ever in. Every single on, Jason. I know myself very well. I'm selfish, and jealous, controlling and overly dedicated to my work. Well, I was. I'm working on that. I have not always been good.
I told you how long I've been looking at you for. Let me repeat it. I looked at you every time you looked at me when you moved in, especially during training. it was nearly impossible to get through a session. The nights were terrible. I barely ever slept. I may have fucked up relationships, but I've never turned my head or cheated. I always walked away. You. You have done things to me that no one else ever has, and I can't explain why, and yes, maybe we've only been together once, but this has been growing for a lot longer. You can never be a one time for me. I hope you're still at my place.
I do. I have a lot of regret from our relationship, and a lot more ptsd than you can understand. I don't know if I'll be ready to share it all yet, or even for a while. Some goes deeper than I like to think about.
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What is that saying? Acceptance is a step in the right direction at least. I think maybe you're giving yourself too much credit on the relationship thing. Maybe you haven't always been perfect but maybe some of them just weren't the right fit? I don't know. You have a lot more experience when it comes to relationships than I do but I have fucked up any chance at even friendships. I self-sabotage because that's easier than people seeing me for who I am and it not being good enough.
I know. You have told me. I should have taken you more seriously. I thought maybe heat of the moment? I don't know. I'm not going to lie and say it isn't hard to believe that you looked at me back then too. I'm not saying I doubt you just it hasn't sunk in I don't think. I didn't want to get hopes up too early. I don't know if I can stress enough how long I've wanted you to look back at me and I had no idea.
It's ok. I'm not trying to get you to talk about it. Just saying I didn't know and maybe I should have realized that. I have a lot of shit I'm not ready to talk about and never have. That's an area that's a lot harder for me to work on I think. I'm not still at your place I figured it would be best to not be here when you got back tonight but I can turn around and come back?
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