[In preparation for their trip of a lifetime, Dick was ready to go all out. He'd ordered some basic stuff for them online, including the suitcases that they'd both need to carry all the shit that they'd end up getting while they were there and all the new clothes they were going to buy so that they'd look great on the trip.
It was a small thing for him to do, but Dick quietly enjoyed shopping for clothes and looking good. So, it was more than his pleasure to take them both to one of the largest and most expensive department stores in Gotham. He leaned over and kissed Jason's cheek as they walked in.]
Anything you want. Remember, we're going for a week, so bathing suits, clothes, shoes, the whole works. This world is your oyster today. Get a new wallet, socks, and all that too. Might as well do it up right. I love you.
[ Jason remembers coming to this place once or twice when he was younger. Definitely not to shop. No, he was more of a distraction tactic while his dad robbed the place. Never did he think he'd be standing here like this, with Dick Grayson of all people, getting ready for an all out shopping trip. ]
I really don't need that much stuff.
[He says, looking at Dick in awe as he starts listing off all the stuff he suggests Jason look for.]
Are you sure?
This is what I do when my brain is too distracted to write.
[Dick tucks Jason up next to him for a few more seconds, and holds him tight to his side. It's an overwhelming feeling for someone who hasn't had the keys to the kingdom. God how Dick used to hate being dragged here for fittings and proper attire for all those little things that Bruce and Alfred insisted he needed whenever they'd do things that would effect the Wayne image.
The second Dick got home, or away from it, he'd grab the most loose, torn up clothes in his closet and change.
This was different. Dick was going to let Jason pick things that went with his style. He wasn't going to make him conform in any way. ]
I'm very sure, and what's most important is that you pick out things you like. Things that fit your style. Nothing stuffy, boring, or things that you won't wear again. I want this trip for you to be about shit that really goes with you. You know?
[Taking his hand, he lead them to the escalator and then up to the level that had men's clothes.]
[ Maybe Jason wasn't around long enough for Bruce and Alfred to take him on these shopping trips. Alfred left things in Jason's room, already having gotten them for him in one way or another, and Jason would always simply wear it, because it's all he had.
Dick pulls him close, and he leans into him a little more, looking around. ]
...Okay. Yeah, alright. My own style. I don't even know what that is, man. Hoodies? Black jeans? I do need a new pair of boots-- but that probably wouldn't be what I'm wearing in Hawaii.
[He laughs a little, getting on the escalator with Dick. He's more excited now, especially when they end up in the men's section and he sees all the different things he can pick from.]
You can get boots. You can use them for the jeep rides up to the volcano and stuff. There's always room for boots. Hoodies and black jeans are good too, but get some t-shirts, and maybe a few without sleeves for when we're at the pool or the beach. You'll probably change a few times a day.
[With fingers linked, Dick leads them both over to the section where a veritable myriad of shirts exist, every type and every flavor. It doesn't take Dick too long before he's found one that he wants to try on. He grabs a few button ups for dinners. He knows there's luau, and restaurant attached to the hotel where they can have their meals. From there, he finds some t-shirts, holding a few up for Jason's approval. ]
What do you think of these? I don't want to look boring and old, but I don't want to look like an idiot either.
...Yeah? Okay. Wait... jeep rides up to the volcano? Are you serious?
[He's gonna be constantly amazed by everything they do. He's never imagined a trip like this for himself. He laugh a little when Dick says he'll change a few times a day, too. Dick knows he barely even has a change of three outfits, let alone multiple a day. This is going above and beyond.
But he knows he has to let go. He has to move past his old ways, especially for this trip. Dick is showing him that it's ok to be more, to do more-- to spend more. He's not a street kid anymore.]
You never look like an idiot. Sometimes a little boring, but I like it. Those are pretty good, though. I like the colors. Am I gonna have to get some button downs too?
I'm very serious. There's going to be so much fun, I'm not sure we can handle it all. I can't wait for everything.
[A man comes up and asks if he can hold the clothes for them, and Dick nods handing over what he's already got. He also picks out a few things he likes for Jason, that are particularly his style. He grins at his love and nods
Then he walks forward and wraps his arms around Jason.]
That's up to you. There are some nicer occasions, if you want to put on a button down you can, but I won't ever make you dress up for anything. I know you hate it.
[ He used to have a lot more of it before he died. Before the Titans. That bright eyed enthusiasm has changed and faded, but it doesn't mean it's completely gone. He just hasn't had the chance for it really.
Jason's not keen on the guy who comes over to help, and he's about to tell him that they've got this, but Dick happily hands over the clothes he picked, so Jason leaves it be, and just settles in against Dick. ]
I can pick out some fancier things. Maybe not button downs, but... some nicer shirts. There's so much to choose from.
[He doesn't even really know where to begin, but he does see some nice green shirts that he points to.]
[It's been a while since Dick has done shopping like this, but he's done it before-- too many times before. Bruce used to take him and force him to pick through certain racks and find 'appropriate' things for banquets and other occasions that Dick had to make appearances at. Not to mention all the clothes that Dick had to wear on the day to day. Maybe that's why he doesn't have that keen of a fashion sense today. He really hasn't been raised to pick out anything great.
Holding Jason reminds him of all the life and vitality they both have. Knowing the changes that the pit brings, Dick leans in and kisses Jason softly, speaking much the same way.]
Thank you for this. I know it's not easy, but I want you to have everything you need and might want at all for this vacation. I know it's been your dream, and so I'm going to do everything in my power to bring that dream to life.
[Glancing at the shirts, Dick nods and walks over.]
These are nice, and how about the blue over there.They will go with your eyes. They're dark blue too, so they aren't anything overt and don't standout. I think they'd look sexy on you.
[ Jason raises his eyebrows a little, looking at Dick. ]
Everything I need is right here. You know I don't need stuff to make it my dream come true.
[But it's nice to be able to do this anyway, and he knows this part is all Dick- wanting to do what he can to make Jason happy. To give him things. Maybe that's Dick's love language.]
Blue is good too. I actually like colors, despite my very dark gray and black wardrobe.
[He picks up a few of the shirts, holding them up to himself.]
[There's a wide grin on Dick's face. He knows that he never has to do a thing but be with Jason, and honestly that's all he needs back-- this is a something that he can do, and he doesn't do things like this often, not for himself or anyone else. It's simple and maybe it is a part of his love language. He's loves to take care of his partner in every way possible, emotionally, sexually, and physically-- by offering what he has, everything he has.
Laughing softly, he nods.]
I know, this is for the trip, remember. I'm having fun and I want you to think about it as a once in a lifetime opportunity. We can give up all the stuff to the poor later if you decide you want to. Stuff is never required for us, but for the trip it will be nice.
[When the man comes back, Dick hands him several more shirts, some for himself and some for Jason. Then he picks out a ton of jeans and sends the man away, leading Jason over to the swimsuits.] Okay, now for two swimsuits. You need two, so that you can wear one while the other dries. Just in case, like a before and after breakfast or lunch deal.
...Okay. That's a good idea. Once in a lifetime- I'll go all in.
[And so he really tries to, snagging a few more shirts to look at, putting some back that really aren't his style. He grabs mostly black jeans, despite trying to branch out. He does have a couple regular ones in the pile. He's not sure about shorts- though he figures it'll be hot and they'll be wearing those, too.
By the time the guy comes back it feels like they have a lot, but Dick looks satisfied.]
Wow, you've really delved deep into these plans, huh. I would never even think about that.
[He laughs a little, going over to the swimsuits. A lot of them have funky patterns and neon colors. He lifts up a yellow one with pink flamingos on it.]
Damn, these are... something else, huh. Are we gonna wear flamingos on our asses?
[Wandering through the racks of swimwear, Dick has to laugh at the things they come across. The things men won't, or is it will wear in the name of water is ridiculous. Case in point being the flamingo board shorts that Jason holds up.
Laughing, Dick immediately comes across a pair of swimshorts he knows that Jason will laugh his ass off at. At least he thinks he will. If he gets it right away. Left side, then right side. Dick took a second, but then he starts snorting out laughter. ]
Here, these are yours. I mean, they sound exactly like you.
[There's more laughter, and then Dick hits the men's bikini wear and he slips out a thong and shakes his head.] Why. Why would any man put themselves through this unless they were being sexy for someone, not the general public and they knew they were taking it off in under ten minutes. Thongs are not necessary.
[ Yeah, Jason gets it right away and he laughs too, surprised Dick would even show those to him, because of course now he has to get them. ]
Those are definitely coming with me.
[He snags them, an amused look on his face. He won't wear them out and embarrass Dick, but he has to at least pretend he would. The thong ones though???? Not so much.]
I think your ass would look super fucking sweet in them, though. Especially the blue ones. Whole Nightwing vibe.
I figured you had to own them, if not wear them. [There's a pause.] Maybe for me in the bedroom.
[Dick gives a wide grin and then takes those thongs from Jason and holds them out. ]
Only in the bedroom. These would never leave our suite of rooms, at any of the hotels. I don't mind dressing for you, but I'm not going to wear anything out of the hotel room that shows off my ass. That is property of Jason only.
[Looking to the gentleman that comes over, Dick nods and speaks about a few dressier types of outfits, and the styles they are looking for. Then he hands over his card. It's about lunch time anyhow, and they have so much to pack now before they board the plane and get things going on the trip.]
Oh yeah? "Fuck it, let's drink beer" is a real turn on for you, huh?
[Definitely getting them, and wearing them to the bedroom, just for that. Just like he's gonna insist on Dick getting the thong for the bedroom too.]
I want my property to wear those at some point and show off that ass. You're getting those.
[Jason still can't find a decent pair though-- and he needs two of them. He looks around some more while Dick deals with the guy. When Dick's done with him, he pulls a neon yellow pair off the rack.]
No, but you are. I can find something else for you to wear and buy it for you to wear while we are there if you want. I promise you won't find it distasteful.
[Alright, alright, Dick will get those for the bedroom. It's going to drive him insane having a thong up his ass, but then again sometimes his suit did that when he was wearing one of the older designs. Dick is very glad that the fabrics have changed through the years.
Being serious over the swimsuits now, Dick pulls out a couple he can see himself wearing. ]
I think I'll go with this pair and these, which are like in reverse colors. They are colorful, but understated. Let's see if I can find you anything for real.
[Going through the racks, Dick pulls out any that he thinks that jason might like and hands them over for him to look at. pair a, b, c, d. Do you like any of those? There are more where they came from. They're over here in the board shorts section. They have a lot of pretty normal colors, blacks, greens.
Hey, listen- I'm leaving most of this up to you. Whatever you think we should go with, I'm going with.
[But he's pretty pleased, and somewhat amused that Dick is willing to have a thong up his ass for him. It's going to be sexy though, he can already tell.
He gives a nod when Dick holds up the swimsuits he likes, then follows him around to the rest of the board shorts to look at the selections Dick think suits him. He hesitates, then points at the last pair.]
Those. I like those. Maybe I'll get this blue one and a green one? Is that too boring? I feel like I need one with flamingos on it too, just for fucking kicks.
Oh... and sunglasses. I don't have any sunglasses. Gotham doesn't exactly call for 'em.
Sunglasses and we got the flip flops, and we'll grab the sunscreen when we're there, I think. Get you some good shades though. Don't go cheap, because then they won't really keep out the bad rays, and the sun is hot there. [Yes, that's like saying that ice is cold, but it's a fact that UV rays are worse in places like Hawaii and Florida than they are elsewhere. That's why some people really should be careful with their skin no matter the shade.
Dick also sneaks in another pair he finds when Jason isn't looking, for his own kicks. They are going to be amazingly well dressed, or awkwardly so. They'll find out when they get there. Dipping up to the jewelry portion of the store, which also happens to have glasses, colognes, makeup, watches..etc, Dick starts to move around and look at things.
He tells the lady to send a bottle of his cologne along with the rest of their packages back to the apartment-- yes, he's having their packages sent. It's far easier this way. Carrying bags and hangup clothes are for the people who can't afford what they are doing. ]
Alright, so what kind of shades do you want?
[[ooc: If you look below, or click the top link to the vacation thread-- i've added threads for each of the events of their vacation and starters. Don't worry about length, and sorry for typos. It's what I did today. lol. XD But, we can hit the last two if you want, and then go through the other ones at whatever speed we wish. Plus, it'll give you an idea of the vacation and the things they're doing and etc. Some events will be short, others longer. obviously. I thought it might help so that they can eventually banter in threads again.]]
[ He's glad that Dick is grabbing things along the way, cause he wouldn't even know where to begin, and he'd probably be stuck here forever trying to decide. He's getting more comfortable at looking around though, so he does the same when Dick starts looking at the accessories. ]
...Something cool.
[He says with a small smirk- cause hey, he's still really young, and he wants to be stylish. He just kinda forgot about all that stuff for a while. This shopping trip is helping, though. He picks up a few pairs of sunglasses and looks at them, but this pair he puts on his face to try on.]
What do you think?
There are days when I feel productive. :) Glad you like it.
[Standing back for a little bit, Dick watches as Jason finds a little bit of a shopping groove. He figured that the sunglasses might do it for him. They're easier than clothes and a little more personal. They give that vibe that top everything off too. It's like how some people get tattoos, or earrings. There are some people that live by their sunglasses. Maybe it's an odd comparison, but it's something that Dick's noticed about people during all his time spent watching them.
He grins at Jason's choice. Dick had made his not that much earlier. They both seem to fit their personalities very well. ]
I think they fit you well. Keep them on, you'll be happy you did. Blue eyes and the sun don't mix. How about mine, do they suit me? So, I think that's about it. I'll let you pick out your dress outfit online and then we'll get it tailored if we need to. Remember, it's dress for you, not anyone else. I'm also getting us a couple of things to wear to the luau the last night. I promise I won't do you wrong.
[He walks over and kisses Jason on the neck.]
Is there anything that you can think of that you want? I'm buying? Watches, jewelry? Tattoos? Nose piercings?
[Dick laughs]
That was very productive! I love all of it a lot :D
[ Dick is right, it's a lot easier to shop for sunglasses. Jason feels a little more in his zone. He might get that way with shoes too. He still wants a cool pair of boots.
For now though, he shows off his sunglasses, smiling when Dick says they fit him well. He definitely feels better about this now. They're gonna be so fucking stylish. Hottest couple out there. ]
Oh yeah, those are definitely you. Get those and I'll get this pair, then. They're cool. Ooh... maybe these too.
[He picks up a pair of wayfarers and tries those on too. Yeah, he's into the sunglasses for sure.]
Hah yeah, I'd love to fucking see you get a tattoo. I uh... can we check out the shoes? The boots?
[All the glasses are added to a little basket that gets put with the rest of their stuff. Dick thinks they all look great on Jason. He picks out one more pair that have blue highlights along the edges and look pretty sweet on. He's happy enough.
He can't believe that he forgot the boots that Jason wanted. Shoes are easily something that are nice to collect. Dick has his fair share at home. He might pick up another pair of loafers, and some good sandals, maybe one more pair of tennis shoes. There really can't be enough of those in the world. ]
This way to the shoes. [Dick points to the escalator. The shoes are up a floor. ]
What tattoo do you want me to get? Your name on my chest?
[ Loafers, sandals and tennis shoes- how very Dick. Jason's more into his boots and black converse. He's pretty sure he's never worn a pair of flip flops in his life, even when he was in SF. New things all around, it seems.
He follows Dick back to the escalator, letting out a soft laugh at Dick's question. ]
Isn't that like, real white trash? You sure you wouldn't get it as a tramp stamp instead?
[Dick shares a wide grin with Jason and a blustering laugh.]
No way, was gonna get it right above my cock, and have it read, Belong's to Jason Todd. Then the date. Gotta make it real official like. Or Maybe I'd just get a really smooth replica of your mask on my shoulder. No one would know. They'd just think I was a fan.
It's better than the people that get things around their assholes. I've seen them on some of those tattoo shows late at night when I can't sleep.
[He shakes his head in bewilderment at some of the stupid ass things that people do.]
You could if you wanted to. You know I'd never force you to do anything like that. It was a thought. I want a piece of you, a reminder, forever put on me. I don't think it'd be so horrible at all.
What, they're funny shit. I mean, these shows are hilarious. How do you think I got the idea to tattoo something above my junk, because I saw people do it. I think some guy had something to do with sucking and cunts put above his cock, and he got a tattoo redo. I love those shows too, cause you see the trash people have turned into something nice at least.
[He's laughing too, cause it's both funny, and Jason's laughter is incredibly infectious. Leaning over he kisses Jason on the cheek.]
Tattoos are super sexy, and we aren't with the Bat, plus our costumes cover the shoulders, arms, legs. I mean, we have plenty of places that no one would ever see on us. There are places we get our suits ripped more often, try to stay away from that, but the suit's better and better now. I want to be sexy. There's a parlor right next door. We should do it today.
I watch them when I should be working from time to time, when I'm stumped on something. It gets my flow going and then there's the nights when I can't sleep and it's better than pacing. This is the quality crap that's on. I promise, I'll put some on next time we are curled up in bed together.
[Hooking an around around him when they move into the shoes, picking up this pair and that before setting it down again with a wrinkled nose. It's hard to pick out something exactly right.]
What, it's not like I'm getting something weird put on me in the middle of my ass cheek. Why can't I get one today? What's wrong with being spontaneous. I used to do it all the time, still do when I'm fighting. Never know what's gonna happen when you're out there. It's good to be able to switch it up from time to time.
Hell yes. I definitely wanna watch dudes tattooing their dicks before we go to sleep.
[Forgive him, he's very distracted from the shoes at the moment. Dick is talking about the two of them getting tattoos and he adds that to the list of things he didn't think would ever happen.]
No- you know me, I fucking love being spontaneous. I love switching it up. It's just different when it comes to you. A tattoo is a bit commitment.
It could be girls getting a weird looking tramp stamp covered up too. I know that you'd rather see dicks, but it's still funny.
[Teasing Jason, Dick nudges him, laughing. He finds a pair of black Tims that actually look like something Jason might wear and points them out, while he fingers a leather pair of boots across the way. It's really hard not to appreciate a good looking pair of boots in their line of work. ]
I figured that, but you know I've already thought about getting a part of you tattooed on me. I hadn't figured out what I wanted, but you're mine and I'm yours, and I know that's not going to change, ever. It's like the best kind of hickey I can have.
[He looks at the shoes, picking up the one Dick points out, but he's still stuck on the tattoo thing. Dick is definitely swaying him in that direction, even if it's not something he's ever thought about before.]
Okay. But-- I don't know if I wanna get a mask tattoo. It's a really cool idea and I like it, but when it comes to us... it's outside of just masks, you know? I know how sentimental that sounds, but it's something I love about you. About us. You love me for me, even without the masks.
[It's been on Dick's mind for a while, and he hadn't thought about getting a mask, really. So, it's nice when Jason says something first. Moving up behind him, Dick snakes his arms around Jason and kisses the back of his neck.]
I feel the same way. Our masks are who we are to the world around us, and not to one another. We are beyond that, and always have been. You loved me before I ever knew, and i loved you before I ever thought I should. We need to get something that's very meaningful to the both of us.
[ He smiles softly, leaning back against Dick. It's amazing how easily he's able to relax around the other. It amazes him how much Dick understands him these days, too.
It took a lot to get here, but now they have and it's so good. ]
Yes. Exactly that. Something meaningful to the both of us. I'd be into that.
[Knowing what it means to be here, relaxing against one another in a wide open public place, Dick can only smile. It doesn't matter that there are barely any people around. There's this step that they've taken together in their relationship. Today they are out together as Dick and Jason, couple. What a thought that brings, he kisses jason a few more times and whispers that he loves him in his ear.]
First, where do you want it. That's going to play into what it is, and how big do you want it to be. I mean, I don't think we want giant tattoos today, but I'm open as to where we put them. I'd like to keep them in matching spots so that if they work together, or match our bodies will line up and show that.
[ He loves this so much. The two of them being out together as Dick and Jason- a couple. This day is going better than he thought it would. And now? With the added excitement of getting a tattoo?
It feels like a big commitment, but he likes it. ]
Maybe a good place would be on our arm? Or back? Not too big, yeah. Especially cause we're going on a trip and we don't want the healing to be a bitch and a half.
[There's a phrase Dick had seen earlier and he loved it, and now he has an idea. He tugs Jason over to the side and pulls up google and spends several minutes running through ideas and shaking his head, turning his nose up. Then he pulls up a picture and he asks...]
How about this on your right shoulder with the phrase "You see all my light." and I would get a black copy on my left shoulder with the phrase "You love all my dark" It would look a little like this lettering wise, but it would be beside our dragons.
[Holding up his phone, Dick pulled up a picture he found of a tattoo he saw a while ago, and really thought the wording suited them. While they both saw the light and dark in one another, Dick saw all the light that there was in Jason, and could see nothing different, and through all things, Jason loved Dick through all the mess that he put him through. The ups and downs and the insecurities that he still chased. The sliver of darkness that had been left behind, Jason always came back and loved Dick through it all. Sure, there was one more issue of darkness that Dick had left to confess, but he would do that while they got their tattoos. It would be a confession of pain and would be cathartic as their adrenaline flowed. ]
[ Jason's happy to move off to the side to look at tattoos. It's so surreal, but it seems like they're really gonna do this. He watches Dick look through options, smiling at the look on his face before he looks down at his screen to check out the options as well.
His smile turns soft when Dick tells him about the quote. It touches his heart, and he's amazed that Dick could find something that really seems to incapsulate them. ]
I love that quote. It's perfect. What if-- what if we got a phoenix, though. You know, like... rising up from the ashes kinda thing?
[Dick had spun so much time and thought into this vacation, and he'd honestly already thought of getting a tattoo during it at some point, and so these thoughts weren't as far away from his mind as Jason might think.
Honestly, Dick spent a lot of time thinking about Jason in general, enough lately that it had been distracting but in a good way. This was all he'd ever been looking for in life and it made him beyond happy. The idea of switching it up to phoenixes has Dick nodding. It had been a thing that had crossed his mind, honestly. He dismissed it, but now when Jason brings it up again, he realizes how brilliant it really is. ]
You're right. It really should be a phoenix. We've both been reborn like a phoenix. They are normally larger when done on men, and not as often done in grayscales because it's a fire bird. We could do this and keep it as it is, using our words bedside it, or see if we can do something like this one in a smaller size, and maybe even see if they can shade one bird lighter than the other. I'm not sure if it's possible, but anything is doable with money. I don't mind using it to get us what we want today. If there are any that you like, feel more than free to point them out. I'm barely scratching the surface of what's out there when it comes to phoenix tattoos. They are truly beautiful.
[ It's nice that Dick is sharing these thoughts with him. Jason really had no idea Dick would ever want to get a tattoo. Now though, it seems like he really has put a lot of thought into it. It leaves Jason a little more curious, too.
Sometimes he doesn't know what's going on in that head of his- but he likes these surprises. ]
I really like the colorful one. I like that it's bright and I like the silhouette. We can put our words beside it.
[He smiles, looking at Dick.]
Do you like it? I want you to be good with this too.
[There's always so much going through his mind, and he does his best to try and share it, but he feels like a lot of time they're working so much that they don't always get the time needed, but at least for now they have a lock down on it. This is their time and nothing and noone can spoil it.
This will be a bond that lasts a lifetime, exactly like he wants all things pertaining to them to be like.]
The colorful one is absolutely stunning, why do you think I shared it with you. It's us. You and I flying through the sky together on our new journey through life. The words make absolute sense next to it. If we get it on matching shoulders, then when we walk together they will be together like we are and the words will mean something like the phoenixes will, all telling the story of us.
[ That's why this vacation will be good for them. They'll have the time they need to share more than they have before. Jason's looking forward to it. ]
I like that. I like it a lot.
[He smiles big and bright, leaning in to kiss Dick, moving a hand to his face.]
[Every step closer, makes Dick all the more eager and excited himself. It brings out all the sides that have been tucked away because they dive so hard into what they do, and spend the rest of the time drinking-- one of them or both of them. There will be time for all that, minus work, but so much more fun. Dick's already starting the fun, and he's ready to get out of here and on the way to getting their tattoos.]
Good, I'm happy about it all too.
[Dick sticks his phone away, and moves to turn, only to walk into a kiss and a hand on his face. Pulling Jason into him, he looks over at him with a small shake of his head.]
I love that we're doing this, and if you had any idea how much I love you, you'd see that it was the simplest decision I've ever made. I love you, Jason, I love you so very much. Thank you for loving me back.
[ Jason's still not completely used to this- he knows he should be, and Dick would probably be baffled as to why he's not- but this outpouring of love and affection aimed at him for the first time in his entire life? Yeah, it's new and it feels like a dream.
Only for a second here and there, though, because Jason reminds himself that this is actually his life now. They're like this with each other all the time.
He smiles, leaning into every kiss, no matter where they are. ]
Thank you for loving me in the first place. Come on, screw the boots we'll get them next time. I wanna go do this right now.
[There's still a large part of Dick that's terrified he's going to fuck it all up somewhere, but they've gotten so far and he knows that he can't let go of this and survive the other side of it without serious damage. It would be like falling into that pit all over again. He really hopes that Jason doesn't hate him when they talk. The more he thinks on it, the more he realizes that he needs to tell Jason before.
Not here though, it needs to be a place where they have room to talk and react. Taking a deep breath, Dick smiles and slides his fingers through Jason's taking him back down. ]
Hey, before we get the tattoo done. I want to tell you about what happened in the pit. I want to make sure you... know everything. I didn't have control over it all, but I want to sit and tell you everything. Okay?
[Pushing the button for the elevator, Dick leans against Jason's side lightly keeping their hands trapped neatly between them.]
[ Jason raises his eyebrows, because that's the least expected topic of conversation for right now. He's a little confused about it, but- it seems important to Dick. ]
...Okay. Sure.
[He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, watching him.]
[He can be confused, but Dick's not. It's a huge thing for him. A weight that he bears like a chain around his neck. It feels like it might engulf him some nights and he's sure that Jason has pulled him from the terrors more than once. They do that for one another. They may not talk about it, but Dick doesn't care. He loves Jason no matter what shadow demons chase him, so Dick might as well show his worst hand. ]
I love you. You know that right. I mean, you've been the person I've loved since before we were even this... even when I - I was so jealous. We talked about that. It was the worst part of me.
[He stops when the doors open and then Dick turns around and looks for a few seconds. There's an exit to the street to the left, and he walks them quietly toward it. It takes a minute or so to get there, and he's squeezing Jason's hand the entire way. ]
[And so the tone of this conversation scares him a little. It can't be anything bad though, right? Dick wouldn't that that. No, that wouldn't make sense, he tells himself, so he tries to stop his reeling thoughts before they go down the wrong path.]
I love you too.
[Jason reassures him, eyes on him as they exit the store. Dick's holding on tight to his hand, and at least that part is reassuring, but he hates how things like this make him feel. Like some inevitable awful thing is coming.]
[Somehow, amazingly, the store in an upscale district is near a park-- go figure, and there's a bench, of course there is. It's made for them to sit at and stare at the grass that's struggling to go from brown to green once more. Dick pulls Jason into him, almost in his lap if he could. He wraps an arm around behind him and leans his head against him. ]
So, I told you how when we met, and for a while after I was jealous. I felt like you took my place, and it was stupid, it was so stupid of me. I didn't understand then what I know now. I didn't know you. I had already started to fall for you, and immediately pulled away, but back then I didn't know how to control myself in any predictable way. I saw you as having things that I didn't want, and yet wasn't ready to give up. You were robin, and knew who you were. I had no clue who I was on the inside. I was floundering. I didn't understand that you didn't know either. Then I saw that you were .... masterful, so full of life and proud to be Robin. I missed being so full of life, not only was I jealous of it, I wanted you because of it. It was one of the first things that drew me in. Your spark. Then the way you moved, and fuck, your body, and so, so, many other things. Your beautiful smile, your eyes... I was such a mess. I really was. I know that people didn't see me that way, but I know who I was inside. It was dark, and selfish and a messy horrid place.
[Dick stroked over Jason's arm. He knows that they've talked through a lot of this, but it's all a part of what leads to his afterlife, he guesses -- he doesn't know what else to call it. It's the worst thing in the world. ]
The part to remember is that, even through my jealousy, I came to love you. I loved you so much, even if I couldn't show it.
So, the worst thing in the world for me would be to truly harm you. To bring my jealousy to life and take it out on you. The pit, it does that. Remember. We talked about that. About blocking things out too.... I didn't block mine out, although god, I wish that I could, Jason. I wish. I don't want you to hate me. I still don't, I can't still see it though.... I close my eyes and i can still see it.
[He closes his eyes now and takes a deep breath, emotion heavy in the sound of his voice.]
[ By the time they sit on the bench at the park, Jason's uneasiness has kicked up by a lot. He feels like maybe something's very wrong. Like he did something wrong. He knows it's just his shitty brain on overdrive, but these kinds of talks in the past have never ended up good.
Dick doesn't seem annoyed by him or frustrated by him in the least though, and so he tries real hard to shove his self doubts away and be here for Dick. He moves an arm around him as well, but still looks pretty damn worried.
Dick starts, and Jason nods. He remembers when they first met. He remembers every single thing about it. He still can't believe Dick actually started to fall for him back then. That part feels surreal. He didn't know Dick was floundering either though. He always seemed so together.
He furrows his eyebrows, eying Dick's face. ]
Is that what the pit made you do? It made you hurt me?
[The thing that scares Dick is that Jason won't see him the same after this. They rose together, but Dick still harbored this secret for all the things he said about truth, he kept this. This is his secret, the thing that holds him back-- this is why he's always scared. It's why he can't ever judge anymore, why his heart is dark in places he never talks about. Dick does the best to be the person he has always been, but at times he's not.
Closing his eyes, Dick nods. He inhales and breathes out, trying not to let the panic take over him. He made it out alive. He told Crane to go to hell. He was not that person in the end, and Jason needs to realize that too-- but how many times did he let himself kill Jason before.
Bile rises in his throat even thinking of it. He's with the person he loves more than anything, and the one he wants to commit his life to. Turning so that they touch a little more, he looks at Jason's knees.]
I was... I was the Joker inside, and controlled by Cane. He kept pushing me, pushing me to give into my jealousy and ... and I had a bat, and... I beat you. I killed you. I did it, Jason over and...
[This time Dick turns away and is sick. He hates himself for what he did down there. It's the epitome of wrong. There's more to the story, but he doesn't even know if Jason will still want to look at him to live with him after this.]
I killed you, and until I was able to get a hold of my narrative and realize that I was in control, and that I never wanted this, that it wasn't what I wanted, I almost really died. When I stopped, Crane disappeared and I came out choking and Gar and Rachel saved me. I understand if you don't want to ever look at me again. I couldn't bear to tell you before this. It was too much, and I love you so much. I - I hate myself so much for that, I don't blame you if you hate me too.
[It's shocking, hearing it in all the gory detail. Not because of Dick, but because of the vivid memories it brings back. The feeling of being bashed in the head, his body, over and over again. No one should have to remember their skull cracking open, but Jason does.
It makes him lose his breath for a moment, a flash of the Joker standing over him. He isn't Dick, though. Thank god he isn't Dick.
Still, his pulse is racing so fast that he's dizzy with it, and he has to grab the bench and close his eyes as Dick goes on. Jason's no stranger to panic attacks or PTSD. It's been happening for a long time now. He's gotten better at reeling it in, but this is a lot.]
[Fuck. Dick knew that he'd mess up this brilliant moment that they were about to have, one of joy and wonder. They were about to do something so perfectly special between them, but nothing full of joy seems to ever stay that way in his experience.
They both have scars they don't talk about and this is a part of the reason why. Hearing that tone, Dick knows what it is. He's fighting his own struggle for comprehension, time and space. Another might label it as fallout from his experience with death-- but it's time for that to take a backseat.
None of that matters at the whisper of Dick's name. Jason is his life, his breath and he will always figure his own desire for oxygen later. Panic for himself can be withheld while he sees to the person he loves first. How could Dick have been so stupid. Wickedly irresponsible... Ceasing to breathe, Dick focuses and hard. he has to be Jason's strength. ]
Deep breath. You're here with me. You're here with Dick. We're going to go and get tattoos so we can go on vacation to Hawaii. You are not there, you are with me and I love you. See our hands, our joined fingers. Feel the way my hand wraps around yours. Bring yourself back...Breathe back from that time.
[Swallowing, Dick closes his eyes and he runs his fingers through Jason's hair with his free hand, pushing through the curls. They resist his fingers, but he forces them back against the wildness, taming the unmanageable over and over to bring calm to the storm that wants to railroad them both in this moment.]
We're both here. You with me, and I'm with you. Our feet are on the ground, our knees are touching. Here. Feel my hands on your soft skin, your whole skin, perfect and lovely. You're the most beautiful man I know, and the one I want to live the rest of my life with. Look at me, see me, and not the past. You made it out. You are beyond that. We are beyond that. I'm sorry I took you back there even a little. It's my fault. Breathe with me jason.
[ His moment of breathlessness turns into another, and another, but he knows grabbing onto Dick will help. What he feels isn't disgust or hate for Dick, it's the knowledge that he has this solid person in his life who he can always hold on to.
The rest of what he feels is pain, bursting through him. He feels like he's going to die- but he listens to Dick's words. He feels his hand in Dick's, tries to focus on the ground under his feet, the feel of Dick's knee against his own, their tangled fingers. Dick's voice pushes away the buzzing in his head and he looks at his face, trying to breathe with him.
He nods, squeezing Dick's hand harder. They're here in this moment, in the park. Not there. They'll never be back there again. ]
[There's a roll of turmoil inside. Dick has no idea where this is going to leave them, but he's going to hold onto Jason right now. There's no world where he'd ever let go when Jason needed him. His own breathing is coming back to him in the wake of being needed. It's natural-- others over himself, especially Jason. That's why his event had been so traumatic.
He wraps himself around Jason now, cradling him softly. Every motion soft and gentle, the strokes along his arms are smooth and careful. His voice is almost a lullabye in its caution. Dick keeps his face near, and lets Jason cling to the scent, the touch, all the emperical evidence that's needed for him to touch base with the reality that is, and not the one that's trying to take over. ]
You're here with me baby. I'm here, and I'll never repeat that again. I'm so sorry. I should have thought. It's all my fault. I'm thoughtless, careless, and I'm sorry. I'm so thoughtless. I needed you to know what I did, but I could have done it differently. I had to let you know before you tied yourself to me though. You had to know everything, but I love you, shhhh, you're here. I love you... always.
[Doing something he rarely ever does Dick begins to sing. It's a well known song, and he doesn't sing all of it, but his voice is pure and sweet. It's not a thing he shares often, but he wants to bring Jason all the way back to him-- and this is how he feels so completely. His heart is there, bleeding freely on his sleeve for the one person that will always offer every part to.]
[ Dick's arms around him help tremendously, that solidness not stifling, but grounding. It hasn't hit him like this in a long time and later on he'll probably feel guilty and embarrassed, but right now all he can do is hold on to the one thing, the one person who can keep him here.
He wants to argue that it wasn't Dick's fault, that he wasn't thoughtless, but he's not there yet. He's still trying to calm his hammering heart.
When Dick starts singing, it's shocking enough to make all the rest of those thoughts go away. It's heartfelt and beautiful and after a moment his arms slide around Dick, too, and the tension slowly eases from his shoulders. ]
[It's not embarrassing. They both had a moment there on the bench. Jason wasn't the only one who started to lose himself in the memories, so they brought one another back. If it isn't proof enough that they are tied together, and bring one another out of the ashes, Dick really isn't sure what is. He's almost sure that his phoenix should certainly be one that rises from Jason and continues -- like a springboard, maybe the nest in one place...
He stays clinging several minutes after the song is done with his eyes closed. He doesn't want to let go. Maybe it's a sight to see them like this, but Dick could really care less. There are gay men that do a lot more in the middle of the city. They are hugging with their heads and bodies together, breathing. ]
Do you forgive me. I only ever want to make you happy, but I couldn't hold back something so big before we did something so permanent.
[ Jason holds tight to Dick as well. He doesn't want to let go. He just needs a little while longer, but he sure as hell doesn't care about the people around them. They don't even exist in his head right now. It's just the two of them on this park bench, clinging for dear life and sanity.
His breathing evens out, and eventually when Dick speaks again he lifts his head a little, wanting to look at Dick. ]
There's nothing to forgive, Dick. It wasn't you. And everything before that- the jealousy and all. I get it.
[He breathes out again.]
Sorry that I absolutely lost my shit. That hasn't happened in a while.
[Dick obviously has absolutely nowhere to go, and even if he thought he did, it would be the last thing on his mind. All that he cares about is holding tight to Jason. He too is slowly feeling the world returning. There's barely color in his face and his fingertips are tingling along with his toes.
His lungs hurt, and he has no idea how he even got through a song. Yes he does, he did it because he had to- for Jason. There's a lot of things he'd do for the person he's holding. Dick knows already that he'd crawl through lava if that's what was required of him. ]
I still feel ... gross. You, I was with you. I think you saved me from my attack because I had to help you. You're allowed to lose it. You had something horrid happen. It was evil and ...
[Dick shakes his head, because he won't mention it again. It's triggering for both of them for differing reasons. He has no reason to ever give voice to that moment in history again. The joker is dead, and Crane won't be bothering either of them in their lifetime. They are safe. ]
I will do my best to always be here for you when that happens, and if I'm not, I'm always a call away. Now you know how I feel and understand it too in my own way. I love you, is all I can say, and I have loved you for while now. I'm so thankful you don't hold it against me, any of it. You still willing to get a tattoo with me or do you want to wait. I'd understand.
If you need to hear me say it, then I forgive you. You didn't do those things that you saw in the pit. You don't have to feel guilty over it.
[There were other things, far more real that Jason had been angry at Dick over, but he doesn't want to go back there again. They're at a good place now, and the pain of the past is something he's working through. The present, and how Dick is with him now, that's what matters in the here and now.]
I try not to think about it. I try to keep my head here. With you.
[Maybe repression is not a good way to deal with things, and that's why Jason can get set off like this, so intensely, but- it is what it is.]
I don't hold it against you. What happened in the pit, it was probably like a dream. A really bad dream.
[Though now Jason wonders again why he didn't see anything. Where did he actually go? It's not something he wants to get caught up in now either. He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, his other dragging through his hair.]
I do wanna do it. I wanna feel something else, I wanna be with you.
[Hopefully, all those things are in the had category and they've worked through most of them as well. There are times that Dick worries that things he does brings them through past traumas at times-- things they've never resolved, but because Jason won't share he doesn't know for sure. It's probably the only thing he ever has problems with in their relationship.
Not that it's on his mind right now, and it's not something that would ever keep him from Jason in any real fashion. Little things, they will always bring discussion and bickering, but never anything of real vehemence. Dick loves Jason more than anything this world or the next will ever know. ]
Here is good, as long as there's nothing between us. That's the most important thing. I don't know what the pit is, beyond our worst being thrown at us.
[Dick has his theories, solid ones on that-- there's only so much trauma that a mind and body can handle at once, and Dick truly believes that Jason was already at the edge of his and who knows what blanks that evil medicine stole from his mind anyhow. Plus, he was taken from the pit none too gently, and wasn't surrounded by those who cared for him then either. None of what happened to him was fair or gentle. His entire brain had a reworking. That could have had something to do with it too. There are a lot of reasons.
Right now, it's about being together and being in love. Holding Jason close, Dick pulls back a little and looks at him solidly.]
This is no small thing. This is forever you know. It's not only about feeling something else, this is going to tie you to me, period. I want this more than anything, but I want you to be sure as well.
[ He's probably share those things if Dick really wanted him to, but he hasn't felt the need to just bring it up. He's different from Dick in that way. Dick needs to talk, to let things off his chest like he did right now, but Jason handles his traumas in his own way.
Sometimes though, he just doesn't want to mess things up. Things are good with them, and he doesn't want to ruin that. ]
There's nothing between us, Dick. The stuff from the past, I wanna leave it there. I-- I really appreciate you telling me how you feel though, because that was the thing that got me, you know? You being jealous, me just wanting to get to know you. I didn't realize you had other feelings for me at the start.
[That part is good to know, even now. Dick was scared. They both were.]
Maybe now and then, not all the time, or even often, but eventually, when there's time and you feel open, we can talk about a few things. I- I don't want to accidentally set off a bad memory, or trip you up because I do anything that reminds you of a bad thing in the past that I might be able to help with. Like you didn't know I was jealous, and loved you this whole time, because we didn't talk. I love you, and I want us to be strong.
[It's not that Dick wants to talk. He doesn't. It's like needles in his skin sometimes when he brings things up. It's that he knows that if they're going to make it through, going to do this as a couple, that he has to do this.
Dick made a vow to himself, and to this relationship. Maybe he was stubborn enough not to see the counselor like everyone said he should, but he devoured books, online and even a few of the real things. He's got degrees under his belt, and he might as well add to the things that he knows for the most important thing in his life. ]
Alright, then lets go find this place.
[He kisses Jason one more time, securely, and with a fierce need before he even thinks about moving. His hands wrap tightly around him, because he needs this. He needs Jason, so much. When it breaks, he smiles and slowly unwraps himself. It feels harder to breathe when he does, but he knows he has to in order to do anything.]
Maybe- yeah. I feel like we're in a good place though, aren't we? Bringing up stuff from the past- I dunno. If it's bothering you, sure. We can talk. I didn't know you loved me that whole time, no. But it doesn't change how much I love you know, you know?
[He's not sure if Dick has to do this, especially if he doesn't want to talk. But Jason doesn't exactly approach these things in a healthy way, so maybe the more they start talking, the more normal it'll seem. It's hard to say, though. And he doesn't want to have a panic attack again.
He doubts it'll happen, there isn't much that sets him off. Dick just found one of those deep fears and pulled it right out.
It'll be okay, though. Dick kisses him so fiercely, and he kisses back, letting it give him strength. Being in Dick's arms like this always does. His arms are tight around Dick because he wants the other to know he feels the same way. He needs Dick so damn much.]
I know. I just want to make sure we're healthy. I don't want to have anything hanging between us. Does that make sense. We don't have to do anything now. I'm happy and we're doing wonderful. I feel lighter and love you so much. We can figure out a way to do it that makes it feel less ominous some time.
[It's not going to happen today, or on their trip. It's only a thing that Dick wants them to think about over time, because being able to share the good and bad is a thing that they need to be able to do he thinks-- because bad will happen, and neither of them are perfect.
Maybe if they do get used to it now it'll be easier in the future. It's only because this relationship and Jason are the most important things in the world to Dick and there's nothing he would do to make sure they remain together and a success.
Getting this tattoo is a huge step for them, and when they kiss it feels like there's nothing that could ever tear them apart. Holding Jason for a few seconds longer, Dick presses a kiss to Jason's neck and nods. ]
I'm okay now. I want this more than ever now. I want the world to know that we belong together, two birds risen from the ashes.
It felt like it had taken forever to get across the ocean and to Hawaii, and then another million years to get through baggage claim, and to their limo. Reality was obviously so much shorter, but Dick was incredibly impatient. He was impossibly excited for everything that was going on. From their first class seats to disembarking to beautiful music, flowers and everyone around speaking Hawaiian, and japanese, it made his mind swarm.
The first Lei they both received was upon walking off the plane. Not everyone received a welcome Lei any more, but because they were recognizable first class, and were staying somewhere special. It was their first of several that day. He received his with a kiss on the cheek per custom and returned the kiss with a thank you, showing Jason to do the same.
From there they were being whisked away in their limo and a short boat ride which would take them to their private island residence for the rest of their stay on Maui at a nice, very private home called Turtle Cove.
Tour of Hawaii's National Lava Park on the Big Island.
Getting up in the middle of the night to rent a jeep to drive winding and twisting roads at breakneck speed was terrifying and wonderful all at once. There was a lot of caffeine consumed as normal, and Dick felt a little more like himself, keeping hours at this time of night rather then the daylight ones they'd been keeping. When they'd finally made it to Haleakalā National Park before six am so that they could get in before the hundreds of other tourists, Dick was beginning to feel the weight of morning.
"I hope this is worth it. I know this is the highest point in Maui. I feel like I can hardly breathe up here." Before asking for it the Sun began to rise. Leaning against the jeep, Dick quickly and quietly snatched Jason into his arms and held him tight as they watched. "Wow.." He whispered ultra-quietly, unwilling to break the almost sacred spell of this magical feeling moment. Lips rested at Jason's neck, where they always seemed to fit perfectly.
"I never knew a sunrise could be so stunning". This vacation has taught me so much. " He remained there holding Jason for what felt like hours. There was more they could do, but living in this moment, like in so many others they'd had together on this vacation brought them closer together than Dick had ever dreamed.
This was the day that Dick had been looking forward to. A part of him wanted to take a hike to some of the really dangerous cliff diving places, but he wasn't sure how Jason felt about any of that. He knew they both loved danger and excitement and would do about anything for the thrill, but he wasn't sure about how strong Jason's swimming skills were and so he kept things relatively safe.
The beach was near and the riptides wouldn't drag either of them out to sea if they didn't swim as strongly as they thought they could. This was the wild ocean, at one of its more dangerous times of the year. Dick still did his best and chose a spot that was a favorite with the locals and not the tourists. He figured they'd go on a weekday and not the weekend so they wouldn't be so crowded.
Alan Davis Beach was on the east side of the Island, and it had a little bit of everything. There were lots of planks and wooden sticks stuck out in the rocky out croppings for people to dive off into the wickedly ice blue of the ocean at a ton of different heights. Dick could flip and fly until his heart was content. He'd get to show off all his acrobatic moves.
He practically skipped from their rented jeep along the path backward as they made their way to the beachhead. "Look how clear the water is. They said you can see turtles from the top, when you look down to dive. Giant turtles waiting for you to dive in with them. Plus there's a lot of snorkeling." Grabbing Jason's hand, Dick kisses it before he dives straight into the ocean from one of the bridges.
"Hurry, the water is amazing. Oh, and then when we get tired here, there's a forty-five minute hike to this really great place with tide pools, that got like huge water canons and shit." Dick dives under the water and comes up near the rocks, patiently waiting for Jason.
When it's more fun to stay in and model bathing suits and play sexy card games and really talk about life together than go out anywhere else in the world.
They'd been running at breakneck speed since coming to Hawaii. Every night they'd come back to their room to relax and be with one another, but this evening started early and with a little fun. Dick had forgone lights in lieu of tealights placed along the main pathway. The bedroom and bathrooms were littered to death with them, as was the pool area, should they want to go skinny dipping later. This was their place and Dick wanted to make tonight special for them. He was so in love, but he felt like although they often said it and smothered one another with affection and words, they didn't speak of past or future.
It was easy to go through the motions of being in love. Feeling the depth of depravity and the absolute need that Dick sometimes wanted Jason with felt good to him, but he wasn't so sure that Jason would feel the same if he knew exactly how intensely Dick felt. It was hard to open up all the way at times. They both carried their scars from the Lazarus pit, and never spoke on it. They didn't touch spots in their lives that hurt them, and Dick was afraid to scratch too deep, least he get told to back off.
Not always, but the majority of the time said that he didn't mind, that it never bothered him. Most of the time it was, but it wasn't always the truth. He wanted to be free to show Jason all sides of him and know that Jason still loved him, how could he do that if Jason didn't do the same with him. What's to trust if you're not trusted in return absolutely. Jason could put the same spin on it right back. There was a soft issue of needing to understand and be sure of one another still, even after this time.
Is it trust to just accept, and not share a burden? These were questions that Dick had trouble answering and were the main points of contention in their relationship. He was working through them, but it still troubled him.
Still, he thought tonight might help open them up, settle it once and for all. Being physically open, could help with the emotional sharing. They'd been growing closer all week, and Dick had one more thing he wanted to do. He hoped that they'd make it to that by the end of all this. If they weren't there emotionally, then they weren't there.
When Jason came in from getting more drinks, Dick was waiting in the bedroom, Wearing nothing but his Male Speedo, with a board game next to him. It was more like a box with a bunch of card decks in it.
"So, what do you think? Like your purchase? You may not know this, but I got you a little something while we were out shopping. It's not a thong, but it's still pretty sexy."
Trying not to laugh too hard, Dick throws this flamingo speedo at Jason, because turn about is such fair play.
F. Last Night on the Island. -Luau and maybe more.
And take everything I have Till there is nothing left Till it's just your voice in my head And when the lights come on You see me as I am You're still inside me You are the only one The only one that sees me That trusts me and believes me You are the only one The only one that knows me And in the dark you show me
It had been a long last day on the island, sleeping in, rolling around doing a lot of nothing but enjoying the little private island that they'd been allowed to stay at. They'd taken a few little trips apart from one another to turn in things they rented, but for the most part Dick was getting things ready for the evening. He was still on the fence about tonight. He still wanted everything in its place and had all the pieces ready. One thing he did know. He was going to spend his life with Jason. There was nothing that could ever convince him otherwise.
He had to make sure that Jason felt the same way as well. It struck him as they had yet another argument that night. It made him want to punch his fist through something, but in the end they made up and hopefully turned things around for better. He really hoped that most of what they communicated through the night before had made a difference. He wanted to be on solid ground no matter what. They had booked the most luxurious and romantic luau for the evening. The food was supposed to be out of this world, and so was the show. Dick was legit overly excited once more, even if his stomach was tied into a million knots.
He tried to breathe naturally, but it wasn't easy. Maybe he shouldn't do it this quickly, was six months too early, even if he didn't want to do this for some time to come. It was merely a promise. The hope of a future, and a way for Dick to tell the world that he wasn't on the market any longer. He was done being an eligible bachelor. He only wanted one man in this world for the rest of his life. Laying back on their bed, Dick was thinking about it all wearing one of the outfits he'd got particularly for the luau as he thought. He only had pants on, and nothing else though. They weren't in a rush... yet.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A. Shopping Trip.
[In preparation for their trip of a lifetime, Dick was ready to go all out. He'd ordered some basic stuff for them online, including the suitcases that they'd both need to carry all the shit that they'd end up getting while they were there and all the new clothes they were going to buy so that they'd look great on the trip.
It was a small thing for him to do, but Dick quietly enjoyed shopping for clothes and looking good. So, it was more than his pleasure to take them both to one of the largest and most expensive department stores in Gotham. He leaned over and kissed Jason's cheek as they walked in.]
Anything you want. Remember, we're going for a week, so bathing suits, clothes, shoes, the whole works. This world is your oyster today. Get a new wallet, socks, and all that too. Might as well do it up right. I love you.
TY for setting this up! It's so cute!
I really don't need that much stuff.
[He says, looking at Dick in awe as he starts listing off all the stuff he suggests Jason look for.]
Are you sure?
This is what I do when my brain is too distracted to write.
[Dick tucks Jason up next to him for a few more seconds, and holds him tight to his side. It's an overwhelming feeling for someone who hasn't had the keys to the kingdom. God how Dick used to hate being dragged here for fittings and proper attire for all those little things that Bruce and Alfred insisted he needed whenever they'd do things that would effect the Wayne image.
The second Dick got home, or away from it, he'd grab the most loose, torn up clothes in his closet and change.
This was different. Dick was going to let Jason pick things that went with his style. He wasn't going to make him conform in any way. ]
I'm very sure, and what's most important is that you pick out things you like. Things that fit your style. Nothing stuffy, boring, or things that you won't wear again. I want this trip for you to be about shit that really goes with you. You know?
[Taking his hand, he lead them to the escalator and then up to the level that had men's clothes.]
Alright, I'll follow your lead here.
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Dick pulls him close, and he leans into him a little more, looking around. ]
...Okay. Yeah, alright. My own style. I don't even know what that is, man. Hoodies? Black jeans? I do need a new pair of boots-- but that probably wouldn't be what I'm wearing in Hawaii.
[He laughs a little, getting on the escalator with Dick. He's more excited now, especially when they end up in the men's section and he sees all the different things he can pick from.]
Should we start with shirts?
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[With fingers linked, Dick leads them both over to the section where a veritable myriad of shirts exist, every type and every flavor. It doesn't take Dick too long before he's found one that he wants to try on. He grabs a few button ups for dinners. He knows there's luau, and restaurant attached to the hotel where they can have their meals. From there, he finds some t-shirts, holding a few up for Jason's approval. ]
What do you think of these? I don't want to look boring and old, but I don't want to look like an idiot either.
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[He's gonna be constantly amazed by everything they do. He's never imagined a trip like this for himself. He laugh a little when Dick says he'll change a few times a day, too. Dick knows he barely even has a change of three outfits, let alone multiple a day. This is going above and beyond.
But he knows he has to let go. He has to move past his old ways, especially for this trip. Dick is showing him that it's ok to be more, to do more-- to spend more. He's not a street kid anymore.]
You never look like an idiot. Sometimes a little boring, but I like it. Those are pretty good, though. I like the colors. Am I gonna have to get some button downs too?
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[A man comes up and asks if he can hold the clothes for them, and Dick nods handing over what he's already got. He also picks out a few things he likes for Jason, that are particularly his style. He grins at his love and nods
Then he walks forward and wraps his arms around Jason.]
That's up to you. There are some nicer occasions, if you want to put on a button down you can, but I won't ever make you dress up for anything. I know you hate it.
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[ He used to have a lot more of it before he died. Before the Titans. That bright eyed enthusiasm has changed and faded, but it doesn't mean it's completely gone. He just hasn't had the chance for it really.
Jason's not keen on the guy who comes over to help, and he's about to tell him that they've got this, but Dick happily hands over the clothes he picked, so Jason leaves it be, and just settles in against Dick. ]
I can pick out some fancier things. Maybe not button downs, but... some nicer shirts. There's so much to choose from.
[He doesn't even really know where to begin, but he does see some nice green shirts that he points to.]
How about those?
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Holding Jason reminds him of all the life and vitality they both have. Knowing the changes that the pit brings, Dick leans in and kisses Jason softly, speaking much the same way.]
Thank you for this. I know it's not easy, but I want you to have everything you need and might want at all for this vacation. I know it's been your dream, and so I'm going to do everything in my power to bring that dream to life.
[Glancing at the shirts, Dick nods and walks over.]
These are nice, and how about the blue over there.They will go with your eyes. They're dark blue too, so they aren't anything overt and don't standout. I think they'd look sexy on you.
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Everything I need is right here. You know I don't need stuff to make it my dream come true.
[But it's nice to be able to do this anyway, and he knows this part is all Dick- wanting to do what he can to make Jason happy. To give him things. Maybe that's Dick's love language.]
Blue is good too. I actually like colors, despite my very dark gray and black wardrobe.
[He picks up a few of the shirts, holding them up to himself.]
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Laughing softly, he nods.]
I know, this is for the trip, remember. I'm having fun and I want you to think about it as a once in a lifetime opportunity. We can give up all the stuff to the poor later if you decide you want to. Stuff is never required for us, but for the trip it will be nice.
[When the man comes back, Dick hands him several more shirts, some for himself and some for Jason. Then he picks out a ton of jeans and sends the man away, leading Jason over to the swimsuits.] Okay, now for two swimsuits. You need two, so that you can wear one while the other dries. Just in case, like a before and after breakfast or lunch deal.
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[And so he really tries to, snagging a few more shirts to look at, putting some back that really aren't his style. He grabs mostly black jeans, despite trying to branch out. He does have a couple regular ones in the pile. He's not sure about shorts- though he figures it'll be hot and they'll be wearing those, too.
By the time the guy comes back it feels like they have a lot, but Dick looks satisfied.]
Wow, you've really delved deep into these plans, huh. I would never even think about that.
[He laughs a little, going over to the swimsuits. A lot of them have funky patterns and neon colors. He lifts up a yellow one with pink flamingos on it.]
Damn, these are... something else, huh. Are we gonna wear flamingos on our asses?
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Laughing, Dick immediately comes across a pair of swimshorts he knows that Jason will laugh his ass off at. At least he thinks he will. If he gets it right away. Left side, then right side. Dick took a second, but then he starts snorting out laughter. ]
Here, these are yours. I mean, they sound exactly like you.
[There's more laughter, and then Dick hits the men's bikini wear and he slips out a thong and shakes his head.] Why. Why would any man put themselves through this unless they were being sexy for someone, not the general public and they knew they were taking it off in under ten minutes. Thongs are not necessary.
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Those are definitely coming with me.
[He snags them, an amused look on his face. He won't wear them out and embarrass Dick, but he has to at least pretend he would. The thong ones though???? Not so much.]
I think your ass would look super fucking sweet in them, though. Especially the blue ones. Whole Nightwing vibe.
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[Dick gives a wide grin and then takes those thongs from Jason and holds them out. ]
Only in the bedroom. These would never leave our suite of rooms, at any of the hotels. I don't mind dressing for you, but I'm not going to wear anything out of the hotel room that shows off my ass. That is property of Jason only.
[Looking to the gentleman that comes over, Dick nods and speaks about a few dressier types of outfits, and the styles they are looking for. Then he hands over his card. It's about lunch time anyhow, and they have so much to pack now before they board the plane and get things going on the trip.]
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[Definitely getting them, and wearing them to the bedroom, just for that. Just like he's gonna insist on Dick getting the thong for the bedroom too.]
I want my property to wear those at some point and show off that ass. You're getting those.
[Jason still can't find a decent pair though-- and he needs two of them. He looks around some more while Dick deals with the guy. When Dick's done with him, he pulls a neon yellow pair off the rack.]
So which ones are you actually gonna go with?
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[Alright, alright, Dick will get those for the bedroom. It's going to drive him insane having a thong up his ass, but then again sometimes his suit did that when he was wearing one of the older designs. Dick is very glad that the fabrics have changed through the years.
Being serious over the swimsuits now, Dick pulls out a couple he can see himself wearing. ]
I think I'll go with this pair and these, which are like in reverse colors. They are colorful, but understated. Let's see if I can find you anything for real.
[Going through the racks, Dick pulls out any that he thinks that jason might like and hands them over for him to look at. pair a, b, c, d. Do you like any of those? There are more where they came from. They're over here in the board shorts section. They have a lot of pretty normal colors, blacks, greens.
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[But he's pretty pleased, and somewhat amused that Dick is willing to have a thong up his ass for him. It's going to be sexy though, he can already tell.
He gives a nod when Dick holds up the swimsuits he likes, then follows him around to the rest of the board shorts to look at the selections Dick think suits him. He hesitates, then points at the last pair.]
Those. I like those. Maybe I'll get this blue one and a green one? Is that too boring? I feel like I need one with flamingos on it too, just for fucking kicks.
Oh... and sunglasses. I don't have any sunglasses. Gotham doesn't exactly call for 'em.
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Dick also sneaks in another pair he finds when Jason isn't looking, for his own kicks. They are going to be amazingly well dressed, or awkwardly so. They'll find out when they get there. Dipping up to the jewelry portion of the store, which also happens to have glasses, colognes, makeup, watches..etc, Dick starts to move around and look at things.
He tells the lady to send a bottle of his cologne along with the rest of their packages back to the apartment-- yes, he's having their packages sent. It's far easier this way. Carrying bags and hangup clothes are for the people who can't afford what they are doing. ]
Alright, so what kind of shades do you want?
[[ooc: If you look below, or click the top link to the vacation thread-- i've added threads for each of the events of their vacation and starters. Don't worry about length, and sorry for typos. It's what I did today. lol. XD But, we can hit the last two if you want, and then go through the other ones at whatever speed we wish. Plus, it'll give you an idea of the vacation and the things they're doing and etc. Some events will be short, others longer. obviously. I thought it might help so that they can eventually banter in threads again.]]
OOC: Wow, that's a lot! It looks really great :)
...Something cool.
[He says with a small smirk- cause hey, he's still really young, and he wants to be stylish. He just kinda forgot about all that stuff for a while. This shopping trip is helping, though. He picks up a few pairs of sunglasses and looks at them, but this pair he puts on his face to try on.]
What do you think?
There are days when I feel productive. :) Glad you like it.
He grins at Jason's choice. Dick had made his not that much earlier. They both seem to fit their personalities very well. ]
I think they fit you well. Keep them on, you'll be happy you did. Blue eyes and the sun don't mix. How about mine, do they suit me? So, I think that's about it. I'll let you pick out your dress outfit online and then we'll get it tailored if we need to. Remember, it's dress for you, not anyone else. I'm also getting us a couple of things to wear to the luau the last night. I promise I won't do you wrong.
[He walks over and kisses Jason on the neck.]
Is there anything that you can think of that you want? I'm buying? Watches, jewelry? Tattoos? Nose piercings?
[Dick laughs]
That was very productive! I love all of it a lot :D
For now though, he shows off his sunglasses, smiling when Dick says they fit him well. He definitely feels better about this now. They're gonna be so fucking stylish. Hottest couple out there. ]
Oh yeah, those are definitely you. Get those and I'll get this pair, then. They're cool. Ooh... maybe these too.
[He picks up a pair of wayfarers and tries those on too. Yeah, he's into the sunglasses for sure.]
Hah yeah, I'd love to fucking see you get a tattoo. I uh... can we check out the shoes? The boots?
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He can't believe that he forgot the boots that Jason wanted. Shoes are easily something that are nice to collect. Dick has his fair share at home. He might pick up another pair of loafers, and some good sandals, maybe one more pair of tennis shoes. There really can't be enough of those in the world. ]
This way to the shoes. [Dick points to the escalator. The shoes are up a floor. ]
What tattoo do you want me to get? Your name on my chest?
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He follows Dick back to the escalator, letting out a soft laugh at Dick's question. ]
Isn't that like, real white trash? You sure you wouldn't get it as a tramp stamp instead?
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No way, was gonna get it right above my cock, and have it read, Belong's to Jason Todd. Then the date. Gotta make it real official like. Or Maybe I'd just get a really smooth replica of your mask on my shoulder. No one would know. They'd just think I was a fan.
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[He shudders at the thought of it in such a sensitive spot.]
My mask, huh? That would be kinda cool. Would I get yours too, then?
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[He shakes his head in bewilderment at some of the stupid ass things that people do.]
You could if you wanted to. You know I'd never force you to do anything like that. It was a thought. I want a piece of you, a reminder, forever put on me. I don't think it'd be so horrible at all.
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[He laughs hard, leaning in against Dick as they get off the escalator and head for the shoes.]
Tattoos can be sexy. I've never thought about it before, though. And then-- you know what Bruce always said. No identifying marks.
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[He's laughing too, cause it's both funny, and Jason's laughter is incredibly infectious. Leaning over he kisses Jason on the cheek.]
Tattoos are super sexy, and we aren't with the Bat, plus our costumes cover the shoulders, arms, legs. I mean, we have plenty of places that no one would ever see on us. There are places we get our suits ripped more often, try to stay away from that, but the suit's better and better now. I want to be sexy. There's a parlor right next door. We should do it today.
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[He's highly amused by the image of Dick sitting down and watching this kind of trash TV.]
I'm surprised you even wanna get a tattoo after all that.
[His eyebrows shoot up and he slows a little.]
Today? Whoa. How spontaneous of you, Dick Grayson.
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[Hooking an around around him when they move into the shoes, picking up this pair and that before setting it down again with a wrinkled nose. It's hard to pick out something exactly right.]
What, it's not like I'm getting something weird put on me in the middle of my ass cheek. Why can't I get one today? What's wrong with being spontaneous. I used to do it all the time, still do when I'm fighting. Never know what's gonna happen when you're out there. It's good to be able to switch it up from time to time.
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[Forgive him, he's very distracted from the shoes at the moment. Dick is talking about the two of them getting tattoos and he adds that to the list of things he didn't think would ever happen.]
No- you know me, I fucking love being spontaneous. I love switching it up. It's just different when it comes to you. A tattoo is a bit commitment.
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[Teasing Jason, Dick nudges him, laughing. He finds a pair of black Tims that actually look like something Jason might wear and points them out, while he fingers a leather pair of boots across the way. It's really hard not to appreciate a good looking pair of boots in their line of work. ]
I figured that, but you know I've already thought about getting a part of you tattooed on me. I hadn't figured out what I wanted, but you're mine and I'm yours, and I know that's not going to change, ever. It's like the best kind of hickey I can have.
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[He looks at the shoes, picking up the one Dick points out, but he's still stuck on the tattoo thing. Dick is definitely swaying him in that direction, even if it's not something he's ever thought about before.]
Okay. But-- I don't know if I wanna get a mask tattoo. It's a really cool idea and I like it, but when it comes to us... it's outside of just masks, you know? I know how sentimental that sounds, but it's something I love about you. About us. You love me for me, even without the masks.
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[It's been on Dick's mind for a while, and he hadn't thought about getting a mask, really. So, it's nice when Jason says something first. Moving up behind him, Dick snakes his arms around Jason and kisses the back of his neck.]
I feel the same way. Our masks are who we are to the world around us, and not to one another. We are beyond that, and always have been. You loved me before I ever knew, and i loved you before I ever thought I should. We need to get something that's very meaningful to the both of us.
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It took a lot to get here, but now they have and it's so good. ]
Yes. Exactly that. Something meaningful to the both of us. I'd be into that.
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First, where do you want it. That's going to play into what it is, and how big do you want it to be. I mean, I don't think we want giant tattoos today, but I'm open as to where we put them. I'd like to keep them in matching spots so that if they work together, or match our bodies will line up and show that.
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It feels like a big commitment, but he likes it. ]
Maybe a good place would be on our arm? Or back? Not too big, yeah. Especially cause we're going on a trip and we don't want the healing to be a bitch and a half.
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How about this on your right shoulder with the phrase "You see all my light." and I would get a black copy on my left shoulder with the phrase "You love all my dark" It would look a little like this lettering wise, but it would be beside our dragons.
[Holding up his phone, Dick pulled up a picture he found of a tattoo he saw a while ago, and really thought the wording suited them. While they both saw the light and dark in one another, Dick saw all the light that there was in Jason, and could see nothing different, and through all things, Jason loved Dick through all the mess that he put him through. The ups and downs and the insecurities that he still chased. The sliver of darkness that had been left behind, Jason always came back and loved Dick through it all. Sure, there was one more issue of darkness that Dick had left to confess, but he would do that while they got their tattoos. It would be a confession of pain and would be cathartic as their adrenaline flowed. ]
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His smile turns soft when Dick tells him about the quote. It touches his heart, and he's amazed that Dick could find something that really seems to incapsulate them. ]
I love that quote. It's perfect. What if-- what if we got a phoenix, though. You know, like... rising up from the ashes kinda thing?
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Honestly, Dick spent a lot of time thinking about Jason in general, enough lately that it had been distracting but in a good way. This was all he'd ever been looking for in life and it made him beyond happy. The idea of switching it up to phoenixes has Dick nodding. It had been a thing that had crossed his mind, honestly. He dismissed it, but now when Jason brings it up again, he realizes how brilliant it really is. ]
You're right. It really should be a phoenix. We've both been reborn like a phoenix. They are normally larger when done on men, and not as often done in grayscales because it's a fire bird. We could do this and keep it as it is, using our words bedside it, or see if we can do something like this one in a smaller size, and maybe even see if they can shade one bird lighter than the other. I'm not sure if it's possible, but anything is doable with money. I don't mind using it to get us what we want today. If there are any that you like, feel more than free to point them out. I'm barely scratching the surface of what's out there when it comes to phoenix tattoos. They are truly beautiful.
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Sometimes he doesn't know what's going on in that head of his- but he likes these surprises. ]
I really like the colorful one. I like that it's bright and I like the silhouette. We can put our words beside it.
[He smiles, looking at Dick.]
Do you like it? I want you to be good with this too.
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This will be a bond that lasts a lifetime, exactly like he wants all things pertaining to them to be like.]
The colorful one is absolutely stunning, why do you think I shared it with you. It's us. You and I flying through the sky together on our new journey through life. The words make absolute sense next to it. If we get it on matching shoulders, then when we walk together they will be together like we are and the words will mean something like the phoenixes will, all telling the story of us.
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I like that. I like it a lot.
[He smiles big and bright, leaning in to kiss Dick, moving a hand to his face.]
I love that we're doing this. I love you.
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Good, I'm happy about it all too.
[Dick sticks his phone away, and moves to turn, only to walk into a kiss and a hand on his face. Pulling Jason into him, he looks over at him with a small shake of his head.]
I love that we're doing this, and if you had any idea how much I love you, you'd see that it was the simplest decision I've ever made. I love you, Jason, I love you so very much. Thank you for loving me back.
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Only for a second here and there, though, because Jason reminds himself that this is actually his life now. They're like this with each other all the time.
He smiles, leaning into every kiss, no matter where they are. ]
Thank you for loving me in the first place. Come on, screw the boots we'll get them next time. I wanna go do this right now.
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Not here though, it needs to be a place where they have room to talk and react. Taking a deep breath, Dick smiles and slides his fingers through Jason's taking him back down. ]
Hey, before we get the tattoo done. I want to tell you about what happened in the pit. I want to make sure you... know everything. I didn't have control over it all, but I want to sit and tell you everything. Okay?
[Pushing the button for the elevator, Dick leans against Jason's side lightly keeping their hands trapped neatly between them.]
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...Okay. Sure.
[He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, watching him.]
You know whatever it is, it's ok though, right?
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I love you. You know that right. I mean, you've been the person I've loved since before we were even this... even when I - I was so jealous. We talked about that. It was the worst part of me.
[He stops when the doors open and then Dick turns around and looks for a few seconds. There's an exit to the street to the left, and he walks them quietly toward it. It takes a minute or so to get there, and he's squeezing Jason's hand the entire way. ]
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[And so the tone of this conversation scares him a little. It can't be anything bad though, right? Dick wouldn't that that. No, that wouldn't make sense, he tells himself, so he tries to stop his reeling thoughts before they go down the wrong path.]
I love you too.
[Jason reassures him, eyes on him as they exit the store. Dick's holding on tight to his hand, and at least that part is reassuring, but he hates how things like this make him feel. Like some inevitable awful thing is coming.]
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So, I told you how when we met, and for a while after I was jealous. I felt like you took my place, and it was stupid, it was so stupid of me. I didn't understand then what I know now. I didn't know you. I had already started to fall for you, and immediately pulled away, but back then I didn't know how to control myself in any predictable way. I saw you as having things that I didn't want, and yet wasn't ready to give up. You were robin, and knew who you were. I had no clue who I was on the inside. I was floundering. I didn't understand that you didn't know either. Then I saw that you were .... masterful, so full of life and proud to be Robin. I missed being so full of life, not only was I jealous of it, I wanted you because of it. It was one of the first things that drew me in. Your spark. Then the way you moved, and fuck, your body, and so, so, many other things. Your beautiful smile, your eyes... I was such a mess. I really was. I know that people didn't see me that way, but I know who I was inside. It was dark, and selfish and a messy horrid place.
[Dick stroked over Jason's arm. He knows that they've talked through a lot of this, but it's all a part of what leads to his afterlife, he guesses -- he doesn't know what else to call it. It's the worst thing in the world. ]
The part to remember is that, even through my jealousy, I came to love you. I loved you so much, even if I couldn't show it.
So, the worst thing in the world for me would be to truly harm you. To bring my jealousy to life and take it out on you. The pit, it does that. Remember. We talked about that. About blocking things out too.... I didn't block mine out, although god, I wish that I could, Jason. I wish. I don't want you to hate me. I still don't, I can't still see it though.... I close my eyes and i can still see it.
[He closes his eyes now and takes a deep breath, emotion heavy in the sound of his voice.]
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Dick doesn't seem annoyed by him or frustrated by him in the least though, and so he tries real hard to shove his self doubts away and be here for Dick. He moves an arm around him as well, but still looks pretty damn worried.
Dick starts, and Jason nods. He remembers when they first met. He remembers every single thing about it. He still can't believe Dick actually started to fall for him back then. That part feels surreal. He didn't know Dick was floundering either though. He always seemed so together.
He furrows his eyebrows, eying Dick's face. ]
Is that what the pit made you do? It made you hurt me?
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Closing his eyes, Dick nods. He inhales and breathes out, trying not to let the panic take over him. He made it out alive. He told Crane to go to hell. He was not that person in the end, and Jason needs to realize that too-- but how many times did he let himself kill Jason before.
Bile rises in his throat even thinking of it. He's with the person he loves more than anything, and the one he wants to commit his life to. Turning so that they touch a little more, he looks at Jason's knees.]
I was... I was the Joker inside, and controlled by Cane. He kept pushing me, pushing me to give into my jealousy and ... and I had a bat, and... I beat you. I killed you. I did it, Jason over and...
[This time Dick turns away and is sick. He hates himself for what he did down there. It's the epitome of wrong. There's more to the story, but he doesn't even know if Jason will still want to look at him to live with him after this.]
I killed you, and until I was able to get a hold of my narrative and realize that I was in control, and that I never wanted this, that it wasn't what I wanted, I almost really died. When I stopped, Crane disappeared and I came out choking and Gar and Rachel saved me. I understand if you don't want to ever look at me again. I couldn't bear to tell you before this. It was too much, and I love you so much. I - I hate myself so much for that, I don't blame you if you hate me too.
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It makes him lose his breath for a moment, a flash of the Joker standing over him. He isn't Dick, though. Thank god he isn't Dick.
Still, his pulse is racing so fast that he's dizzy with it, and he has to grab the bench and close his eyes as Dick goes on. Jason's no stranger to panic attacks or PTSD. It's been happening for a long time now. He's gotten better at reeling it in, but this is a lot.]
Dick...
[He says panicked, grabbing Dick's hand, squeezing hard.]
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They both have scars they don't talk about and this is a part of the reason why. Hearing that tone, Dick knows what it is. He's fighting his own struggle for comprehension, time and space. Another might label it as fallout from his experience with death-- but it's time for that to take a backseat.
None of that matters at the whisper of Dick's name. Jason is his life, his breath and he will always figure his own desire for oxygen later. Panic for himself can be withheld while he sees to the person he loves first. How could Dick have been so stupid. Wickedly irresponsible... Ceasing to breathe, Dick focuses and hard. he has to be Jason's strength. ]
Deep breath. You're here with me. You're here with Dick. We're going to go and get tattoos so we can go on vacation to Hawaii. You are not there, you are with me and I love you. See our hands, our joined fingers. Feel the way my hand wraps around yours. Bring yourself back...Breathe back from that time.
[Swallowing, Dick closes his eyes and he runs his fingers through Jason's hair with his free hand, pushing through the curls. They resist his fingers, but he forces them back against the wildness, taming the unmanageable over and over to bring calm to the storm that wants to railroad them both in this moment.]
We're both here. You with me, and I'm with you. Our feet are on the ground, our knees are touching. Here. Feel my hands on your soft skin, your whole skin, perfect and lovely. You're the most beautiful man I know, and the one I want to live the rest of my life with. Look at me, see me, and not the past. You made it out. You are beyond that. We are beyond that. I'm sorry I took you back there even a little. It's my fault. Breathe with me jason.
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The rest of what he feels is pain, bursting through him. He feels like he's going to die- but he listens to Dick's words. He feels his hand in Dick's, tries to focus on the ground under his feet, the feel of Dick's knee against his own, their tangled fingers. Dick's voice pushes away the buzzing in his head and he looks at his face, trying to breathe with him.
He nods, squeezing Dick's hand harder. They're here in this moment, in the park. Not there. They'll never be back there again. ]
M'sorry... fuck, I'm sorry.
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He wraps himself around Jason now, cradling him softly. Every motion soft and gentle, the strokes along his arms are smooth and careful. His voice is almost a lullabye in its caution. Dick keeps his face near, and lets Jason cling to the scent, the touch, all the emperical evidence that's needed for him to touch base with the reality that is, and not the one that's trying to take over. ]
You're here with me baby. I'm here, and I'll never repeat that again. I'm so sorry. I should have thought. It's all my fault. I'm thoughtless, careless, and I'm sorry. I'm so thoughtless. I needed you to know what I did, but I could have done it differently. I had to let you know before you tied yourself to me though. You had to know everything, but I love you, shhhh, you're here. I love you... always.
[Doing something he rarely ever does Dick begins to sing. It's a well known song, and he doesn't sing all of it, but his voice is pure and sweet. It's not a thing he shares often, but he wants to bring Jason all the way back to him-- and this is how he feels so completely. His heart is there, bleeding freely on his sleeve for the one person that will always offer every part to.]
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He wants to argue that it wasn't Dick's fault, that he wasn't thoughtless, but he's not there yet. He's still trying to calm his hammering heart.
When Dick starts singing, it's shocking enough to make all the rest of those thoughts go away. It's heartfelt and beautiful and after a moment his arms slide around Dick, too, and the tension slowly eases from his shoulders. ]
I love you too.
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He stays clinging several minutes after the song is done with his eyes closed. He doesn't want to let go. Maybe it's a sight to see them like this, but Dick could really care less. There are gay men that do a lot more in the middle of the city. They are hugging with their heads and bodies together, breathing. ]
Do you forgive me. I only ever want to make you happy, but I couldn't hold back something so big before we did something so permanent.
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His breathing evens out, and eventually when Dick speaks again he lifts his head a little, wanting to look at Dick. ]
There's nothing to forgive, Dick. It wasn't you. And everything before that- the jealousy and all. I get it.
[He breathes out again.]
Sorry that I absolutely lost my shit. That hasn't happened in a while.
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His lungs hurt, and he has no idea how he even got through a song. Yes he does, he did it because he had to- for Jason. There's a lot of things he'd do for the person he's holding. Dick knows already that he'd crawl through lava if that's what was required of him. ]
I still feel ... gross. You, I was with you. I think you saved me from my attack because I had to help you.
You're allowed to lose it. You had something horrid happen. It was evil and ...
[Dick shakes his head, because he won't mention it again. It's triggering for both of them for differing reasons. He has no reason to ever give voice to that moment in history again. The joker is dead, and Crane won't be bothering either of them in their lifetime. They are safe. ]
I will do my best to always be here for you when that happens, and if I'm not, I'm always a call away. Now you know how I feel and understand it too in my own way. I love you, is all I can say, and I have loved you for while now. I'm so thankful you don't hold it against me, any of it. You still willing to get a tattoo with me or do you want to wait. I'd understand.
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[There were other things, far more real that Jason had been angry at Dick over, but he doesn't want to go back there again. They're at a good place now, and the pain of the past is something he's working through. The present, and how Dick is with him now, that's what matters in the here and now.]
I try not to think about it. I try to keep my head here. With you.
[Maybe repression is not a good way to deal with things, and that's why Jason can get set off like this, so intensely, but- it is what it is.]
I don't hold it against you. What happened in the pit, it was probably like a dream. A really bad dream.
[Though now Jason wonders again why he didn't see anything. Where did he actually go? It's not something he wants to get caught up in now either. He tightens his hold on Dick's hand, his other dragging through his hair.]
I do wanna do it. I wanna feel something else, I wanna be with you.
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Not that it's on his mind right now, and it's not something that would ever keep him from Jason in any real fashion. Little things, they will always bring discussion and bickering, but never anything of real vehemence. Dick loves Jason more than anything this world or the next will ever know. ]
Here is good, as long as there's nothing between us. That's the most important thing. I don't know what the pit is, beyond our worst being thrown at us.
[Dick has his theories, solid ones on that-- there's only so much trauma that a mind and body can handle at once, and Dick truly believes that Jason was already at the edge of his and who knows what blanks that evil medicine stole from his mind anyhow. Plus, he was taken from the pit none too gently, and wasn't surrounded by those who cared for him then either. None of what happened to him was fair or gentle. His entire brain had a reworking. That could have had something to do with it too. There are a lot of reasons.
Right now, it's about being together and being in love. Holding Jason close, Dick pulls back a little and looks at him solidly.]
This is no small thing. This is forever you know. It's not only about feeling something else, this is going to tie you to me, period. I want this more than anything, but I want you to be sure as well.
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Sometimes though, he just doesn't want to mess things up. Things are good with them, and he doesn't want to ruin that. ]
There's nothing between us, Dick. The stuff from the past, I wanna leave it there. I-- I really appreciate you telling me how you feel though, because that was the thing that got me, you know? You being jealous, me just wanting to get to know you. I didn't realize you had other feelings for me at the start.
[That part is good to know, even now. Dick was scared. They both were.]
I'm sure. I wanna do this with you.
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[It's not that Dick wants to talk. He doesn't. It's like needles in his skin sometimes when he brings things up. It's that he knows that if they're going to make it through, going to do this as a couple, that he has to do this.
Dick made a vow to himself, and to this relationship. Maybe he was stubborn enough not to see the counselor like everyone said he should, but he devoured books, online and even a few of the real things. He's got degrees under his belt, and he might as well add to the things that he knows for the most important thing in his life. ]
Alright, then lets go find this place.
[He kisses Jason one more time, securely, and with a fierce need before he even thinks about moving. His hands wrap tightly around him, because he needs this. He needs Jason, so much. When it breaks, he smiles and slowly unwraps himself. It feels harder to breathe when he does, but he knows he has to in order to do anything.]
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[He's not sure if Dick has to do this, especially if he doesn't want to talk. But Jason doesn't exactly approach these things in a healthy way, so maybe the more they start talking, the more normal it'll seem. It's hard to say, though. And he doesn't want to have a panic attack again.
He doubts it'll happen, there isn't much that sets him off. Dick just found one of those deep fears and pulled it right out.
It'll be okay, though. Dick kisses him so fiercely, and he kisses back, letting it give him strength. Being in Dick's arms like this always does. His arms are tight around Dick because he wants the other to know he feels the same way. He needs Dick so damn much.]
Are you doing ok now? You ready for this too?
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[It's not going to happen today, or on their trip. It's only a thing that Dick wants them to think about over time, because being able to share the good and bad is a thing that they need to be able to do he thinks-- because bad will happen, and neither of them are perfect.
Maybe if they do get used to it now it'll be easier in the future. It's only because this relationship and Jason are the most important things in the world to Dick and there's nothing he would do to make sure they remain together and a success.
Getting this tattoo is a huge step for them, and when they kiss it feels like there's nothing that could ever tear them apart. Holding Jason for a few seconds longer, Dick presses a kiss to Jason's neck and nods. ]
I'm okay now. I want this more than ever now. I want the world to know that we belong together, two birds risen from the ashes.
B. Getting Layed and the Hotel
Home Sweet Home: Turtle Cove
From the airport to their Living situation.
The first Lei they both received was upon walking off the plane. Not everyone received a welcome Lei any more, but because they were recognizable first class, and were staying somewhere special. It was their first of several that day. He received his with a kiss on the cheek per custom and returned the kiss with a thank you, showing Jason to do the same.
From there they were being whisked away in their limo and a short boat ride which would take them to their private island residence for the rest of their stay on Maui at a nice, very private home called Turtle Cove.
Tour of Hawaii's National Lava Park on the Big Island.
Because the jeep sunrise drive down into Maui's dormant volcano wasn't enough
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"I hope this is worth it. I know this is the highest point in Maui. I feel like I can hardly breathe up here." Before asking for it the Sun began to rise. Leaning against the jeep, Dick quickly and quietly snatched Jason into his arms and held him tight as they watched. "Wow.." He whispered ultra-quietly, unwilling to break the almost sacred spell of this magical feeling moment. Lips rested at Jason's neck, where they always seemed to fit perfectly.
"I never knew a sunrise could be so stunning". This vacation has taught me so much. " He remained there holding Jason for what felt like hours. There was more they could do, but living in this moment, like in so many others they'd had together on this vacation brought them closer together than Dick had ever dreamed.
D. Cliff Diving, Swimming & Snorkling
A place to show off their mad skills.
You can really fly.
The beach was near and the riptides wouldn't drag either of them out to sea if they didn't swim as strongly as they thought they could. This was the wild ocean, at one of its more dangerous times of the year. Dick still did his best and chose a spot that was a favorite with the locals and not the tourists. He figured they'd go on a weekday and not the weekend so they wouldn't be so crowded.
Alan Davis Beach was on the east side of the Island, and it had a little bit of everything. There were lots of planks and wooden sticks stuck out in the rocky out croppings for people to dive off into the wickedly ice blue of the ocean at a ton of different heights. Dick could flip and fly until his heart was content. He'd get to show off all his acrobatic moves.
He practically skipped from their rented jeep along the path backward as they made their way to the beachhead. "Look how clear the water is. They said you can see turtles from the top, when you look down to dive. Giant turtles waiting for you to dive in with them. Plus there's a lot of snorkeling." Grabbing Jason's hand, Dick kisses it before he dives straight into the ocean from one of the bridges.
"Hurry, the water is amazing. Oh, and then when we get tired here, there's a forty-five minute hike to this really great place with tide pools, that got like huge water canons and shit." Dick dives under the water and comes up near the rocks, patiently waiting for Jason.
A Very Special Night
Date Night In.
It was easy to go through the motions of being in love. Feeling the depth of depravity and the absolute need that Dick sometimes wanted Jason with felt good to him, but he wasn't so sure that Jason would feel the same if he knew exactly how intensely Dick felt. It was hard to open up all the way at times. They both carried their scars from the Lazarus pit, and never spoke on it. They didn't touch spots in their lives that hurt them, and Dick was afraid to scratch too deep, least he get told to back off.
Not always, but the majority of the time said that he didn't mind, that it never bothered him. Most of the time it was, but it wasn't always the truth. He wanted to be free to show Jason all sides of him and know that Jason still loved him, how could he do that if Jason didn't do the same with him. What's to trust if you're not trusted in return absolutely. Jason could put the same spin on it right back. There was a soft issue of needing to understand and be sure of one another still, even after this time.
Is it trust to just accept, and not share a burden? These were questions that Dick had trouble answering and were the main points of contention in their relationship. He was working through them, but it still troubled him.
Still, he thought tonight might help open them up, settle it once and for all. Being physically open, could help with the emotional sharing. They'd been growing closer all week, and Dick had one more thing he wanted to do. He hoped that they'd make it to that by the end of all this. If they weren't there emotionally, then they weren't there.
When Jason came in from getting more drinks, Dick was waiting in the bedroom, Wearing nothing but his Male Speedo, with a board game next to him. It was more like a box with a bunch of card decks in it.
"So, what do you think? Like your purchase? You may not know this, but I got you a little something while we were out shopping. It's not a thong, but it's still pretty sexy."
Trying not to laugh too hard, Dick throws this flamingo speedo at Jason, because turn about is such fair play.
F. Last Night on the Island. -Luau and maybe more.
And take everything I have
Till there is nothing left
Till it's just your voice in my head
And when the lights come on
You see me as I am
You're still inside me
You are the only one
The only one that sees me
That trusts me and believes me
You are the only one
The only one that knows me
And in the dark you show me
THE FEAST AT MŌKAPU
He had to make sure that Jason felt the same way as well. It struck him as they had yet another argument that night. It made him want to punch his fist through something, but in the end they made up and hopefully turned things around for better. He really hoped that most of what they communicated through the night before had made a difference. He wanted to be on solid ground no matter what. They had booked the most luxurious and romantic luau for the evening. The food was supposed to be out of this world, and so was the show. Dick was legit overly excited once more, even if his stomach was tied into a million knots.
He tried to breathe naturally, but it wasn't easy. Maybe he shouldn't do it this quickly, was six months too early, even if he didn't want to do this for some time to come. It was merely a promise. The hope of a future, and a way for Dick to tell the world that he wasn't on the market any longer. He was done being an eligible bachelor. He only wanted one man in this world for the rest of his life. Laying back on their bed, Dick was thinking about it all wearing one of the outfits he'd got particularly for the luau as he thought. He only had pants on, and nothing else though. They weren't in a rush... yet.