[For lack of a better place currently, Dick leans over a counter and presses his lips together. He wrinkles his nose a bit. ]
I'm not mad. I was upset, frustrated. I mean, I knew what you were dealing with or thought I did and you up and left me without giving me any credit. I would have been happy to done anything, anything for you and you didn't even give me a chance. You didn't even bother to tell me the truth. That hurt. I've been opening up to you, because you have been pushing me to in some ways.
I mean...
[He pauses. He wasn't going to say this much, but he's not sure how not to. It's a difficult choice to make. He doesn't want to go completely backwards. Two word sentences and short clips of thoughts got him no where, and ruined all the things he had. This isn't much better though. This communication thing.]
I want us to communicate. I don't feel like we actually do, not on an even level.
So... okay. Will you listen to my perspective without immediately telling me that I'm wrong because you have Deep Inner Workings? Because, Dick, I adore you, but you are extremely quick to throw how much you do in my face.
[He sighs and sips his coffee. Where to start?]
You're a vigilante, right? You've told me many times that that's your life's work. It's the most important thing in your life. If we were having dinner and the city needed you, you'd leave, right?
[That felt like a smack in his face if ever there was one. Dick suddenly realized that talking really wasn't getting them anywhere, and apparently Dick had been overwhelming Iggy since they started dating and he needed to back off quite a bit. So, he listened. He'd never meant to throw anything like that in Iggy's face at all. They really hadn't gone out all that much, and his feelings were enough, but they weren't love or anything close to it.
Dick thought about the question. With the way things were in the city now he shrugged. It really depended on what happened. ]
I only recently told you, but yes. That's my job. It's not the only or most important thing in my life. No one actually calls me anymore first off. I make my own hours. If there was a massive emergency, it would depend. Babs is pretty competent and her force is very good at what they do. She also has Argus helping her now. I made the choice to come back to work. I didn't have to. I enjoy what I do. I also need time away. That was what I didn't do before, and it fucked up my relationships, so no, I'm not so sure I would unless the world depended on it. I'd also tell you what was going on and take you home or somewhere safe.
[Dick was calm in his words. There wasn't emotion behind them, merely thought as he went through what would happen and how he felt about what he did now. He'd been through quite a bit, and this was how he lived his life now. ]
[Iggy listens, expression patient. He's growing quite used to the fact that Dick likes to explain things. When he speaks his voice is gentle.]
Alright. That's more than fair.
Look. I'm sorry for rushing off. I really am. But it's...
[He stops to sip his coffee and thinks.]
I brought up your work because it's the only thing I can think of that might be similar. I don't do medium work anymore. I gave it up. But if someone notices me? They can be really, really insistent. Sometimes I'm all they've got.
In retrospect I wish I hadn't hurried off, but you seemed so chill. You were all... 'yeah babe, do what you gotta do' and I just kinda thought that meant you understood. But then you blew me off for a few days, and I was like, 'okay, so, he's not okay with it.'
[He regards Dick calmly.]
You wanna know where I went? Or do you not care? Genuinely curious.
[Dick nods, and doesn't say anything more because he is genuinely interested. This is what Iggy did, and a big part of who he is.
It's most certainly all Dick wants to know about. Dick did say that if they needed to go, they could. He wasn't sure how things worked when there was a ghost around. That's why Dick tried to be understanding in the first place. ]
I do. I want to know where you went and what happened. I want to know about you. Genuinely.
[Iggy has some more coffee first. The boy loves his stimulants.]
I left and spent a few hours trying to track down this dead guy's sister. I finally did, and then I had to go to her house like a complete fucking maniac, because the problem with calling people to say 'hey, your dead relative is here with me' is that they can hang up on you. So I had to find her, get her not to slam the door in my face by revealing private information, then spend more time explaining to her what he wanted me to tell her.
Which was bananas, for the record. Never trust anyone when money is involved in your will, Dick.
Anyway. So that's why I texted you so late. And then... you blew me off for like three days.
[He shrugs.]
You like to tell me like, 'this is how I am, Iggy.' And that's fine. I like who you are.
I don't know who you are. I think that's the problem. I want to know who you are, who we are.
[Dick reaches across and takes Iggy's hand, meeting their fingers together. He knows he hasn't done enough listening. He needs to figure out how to do it better. He needs to be silent far more often.]
Tell me more about you, about what you want, who you are. I never feel like you want to talk, so I keep filling in the gap. Too much, I realize.
I'm Ignatius Melville. I'm getting my masters in fine arts. I paint watercolour landscapes, and my favourite artist is Austin Osman Spare.
I'm a sex worker. I cam five days a week for two hours at least. I sugarbaby, sometimes, but I am pretty picky. I have a boyfriend who really doesn't seem super comfortable with my work, so I try not to talk about it. But it's a job I love, so that's a bit difficult sometimes.
I love the ocean. I love music. I drink. I do drugs. Sometimes I don't come home until the sun rises because I've been out all night dancing and partying. I love my life. I really do.
But sometimes I would get lonely. I got lucky and I met this pretty great guy, and he's socially awkward as fuck with me for some reason but that's okay because I'm socially awkward as fuck. But I'm not so sure he likes me for me. He says all the right things. His heart is huge. But he's very intense, and I feel like I'm always failing some weird boyfriend test he's administering. And I think... I dunno, maybe he sees me as some stray that needs rescuing, because he's really good at saving people.
[Dick's smile grows and he feels warm inside, like he finally understands things he's wanted to know for a while now. He hopes his answer is not defensive, but exactly right. Cause that's all he wants it to be. Talking between them. ]
I'm Dick Grayson. I used to say nothing, share nothing. Now I'm trying to figure out what to share, how to share it. I've been talking too much.
I'm still working on figuring out who I am right now. I'm Nightwing. I know that, but I gave up a large part of my family about six months ago. I feel lost, and lonely. I met a great guy and we had some nice sex. I had no idea how he felt about me because he was a sex worker. I don't meet sex workers cause that's what the guy who raised me did. I didn't get the life, and that's my bad. I didn't understand you, and when I thought I was trying, I only figured I messed up, and kept apologizing. I felt like i fail the boyfriend test, but that's because I never passed it.
I kept thinking that I wanted to respect you, because I don't know if you get respect from everyone. I don't want to save you. You don't need it, but I want to know you. I want to see if I can handle us. I- I'm not used to sharing. I never asked if you were going to keep having sex with other guys. I should have. I think I didn't want to ask at first, but I knew. I know. I'm still trying to figure it out.
I don't mind your cam work at all. I think that's great. I think you're sexy as fuck, and if you like it, then go for it. I don't want to feel like one of your sugar daddys if I buy you things, ask you to move in, or want to take you on a vacation. I don't know how to make it different. I think that's a me issue.
I do worry about you sometimes when you're out all night and wake up lost. That's the only thing that worries me. I can worry because i know this city kills people. I've seen the worst. Maybe that makes us difficult as a couple I don't know.
I do like you I like you more now that I know you. I've always loved that you're an artist and I want to see your stuff.
I love the ocean too. I want to walk along the shore with you if/when we make it. I do want to know about the ghost side of you too. It's not easy, and it makes you feel crazy. Maybe I could just hold you, make you coffee or listen to you rant. Whatever you want. I want to listen.
[Iggy smiles, and it's as bright and natural as sunshine.]
Okay, see? See, we can do this.
I like it when you're not trying too hard, Dick. You don't have to try and guess what's going to make me happy, okay? You don't have to impress me. You can fuck up! Because I'm gonna fuck up. I'm gonna fuck up a lot!
[He leans in to kiss Dick, soft and quick, still smiling.]
[Dick brings Iggy's fingers to his lips in a very natural motion, kissing over the tips of them. He sighs happily as he does-- tension loosening from his shoulders.]
When I share what I have with you, I'm not trying to impress you. I - I think I like doing it, because I can. I've never gotten to do it like this before. I think it's fun, just so you know. I'm still going to fuck up, and probably apologize too much.
[He laughs and moves around to pull Iggy into his arms, because he wants to hold the other man.]
I like that you're not sleeping with anyone, that's my truth. I want to be the one to tie you up, and be your daddy if you want one occasionally. I also want to snuggle with you on the couch, and take long walks with you. I know, I just want it all..
[The last sentence is said playfully with a teasing tone and a slip of Dick's fingers along Iggy's waist, squeezing softly. ]
No, I can't make everything perfect. Why would I want to. That's way too exhausting. I will miss you when you're not with me... and I'm not really into tying anyone up if you're not. I was naming kinks. I... don't know what you're into.
[Dick laughed softly, dipping his head a little. They hadn't talked about much, and given that Iggy is far more experienced than Dick in a lot of things- Dick was kind of making a point that he was more than willing to try things out. He was very exploratory and curious in the bedroom, and didn't mind enjoying their time there trying things. ]
I like marks, and enjoyed seeing you dressed up for me. I don't have as much experience there. Did a lot of pretty vanilla stuff, but I want to explore things, if you have things you enjoy.
[Running his fingers up, Dick drags them easily through Iggy's soft curls. He adores Iggy's hair and will always love having his fingers there. It always relaxes him. ]
We're still dating. I won't let you go that easy, and plenty of cuddling and long walks. Plenty of us.
I actually do like ropes! I think shibari is really sexy looking.
We can totally talk about kinks, Dick. I have like, very few hard lines. Marks are cool. I love dressing up just in general - wait until Halloween, I go nuts.
[Iggy grins and hugs Dick tight for a moment.]
Okay, cool. Come sit on my crappy couch with me, then. We'll drink our coffee and talk.
Then we can talk about ropes. I don't know a lot, but I can learn. I'm good at learning things. I mean, I can tie someone up well, and undo ropes, but the art of it...
[He laughs a little, but he's always found the art of ropes to be pretty as well. There's some that's a little frightening for him- there's a lot of control, and trust required, but they're all things to be learned. ]
I enjoyed my little bit with you. I liked it more than I thought...
[A thing Dick would never admit to another person. He squeezes Iggy back and kisses his neck softly before grabbing another cup of coffee and moving to the couch. He sets the cup to the side and opens his arms up so that Iggy and snuggle into him easily.]
I don't know my lines, really. I haven't done much. I want to know more things to try beyond the basics, things that might work for us.
Yeah! We can take a class, maybe, if we decide we really wanna learn.
[On the couch, Iggy settles against Dick comfortably. Iggy is six foot one but he doesn't mind curling up.]
What qualifies as 'not much'? I don't exactly have a normal baseline for that sort of thing, you know? Like are basics just... missionary position intercourse and giving head?
[That shouldn't surprise Dick, but it does. There's whole scenes out there where people are taught and learn most everything under the sun, so of course there would be places where other people can go to learn how to tie people up.
Dick thinks about things that he's thought was pretty, but then he changes his mind. Dick is only an inch shorter than Iggy, but Iggy is far leaner, and Dick loves it. He loves the way they fit together. It somehow works. Slipping his hands just under Iggy's shirt to trace along his warm skin, Dick sighs with contentment.
This. This is perfect. He loves the way his fingers slide over pale warmth, making him feel so much closer than they'd been standing across from one another in the kitchen. ]
I would. I would love to go take classes. I've done a few positions. I mean, I've been ridden and put girls in different ways across the bed. I'm not completely without a little fun. I enjoy being a little dominant now and then, but I like soft too, with the right person.
[Here Dick merely squeezes Iggy softly and noses against his neck, playfully. He's feeling good and hopeful for them and what's to come.]
[Iggy manages not to laugh. He wants Dick to feel comfortable, and giggling just because the guy doesn't know things isn't a good way to accomplish that.
So he keeps his voice light.]
Dick, I'm officially a little worried you'll think I'm depraved if we swap stories. But I'm glad you're open minded.
[Feeling a little defeated, Dick leans back and looks at a hand he pulled away.]
I think that play piercings look amazing, but I doubt you'd want to do that to me. I'd love to have hooks in my back and leather threaded through some. I take more pain on a day to day basis than most experience in their lives. I've been dead. Pain makes me feel alive.
[Biting his lip, Dick looks at Iggy now wondering if he understands.]
You don't have to do any of it, and you don't even have to get it, but I will never think you depraved. I'm more than a sweet guy. I'm cruel, and have tortured men. I don't think you'd like to know me all the way. I'm not sure you'd like the entire person I've been. There's a reason you sent me to therapy.
[It wasn't that Dick wanted Iggy to think that he wasn't sweet, but the way he said it had made it sound degrading-- like Dick couldn't understand the things that Iggy had done sexually, or liked sexually because he was so damn innocent.
That wasn't the case. Dick was this man full of dichotomies. He was the Janus coin. Two sides in one person. He was far more stable than he'd been in the past. He was far better as Nightwing than anyone else, but it still remained that he had darker interests at times.
They were his curiosities, but so was more innocent things like wax and giving Iggy a blowjob under a table somewhere. He wasn't totally dark all the time. He was merely... Dick Grayson. It made him sigh a little.
Resting his chin on Iggy's shoulder, he kissed it softly.]
I am sweet, but I'm not innocent and I guess I felt like the tone used made me seem too simple and innocent to hear the things you'd done, like I'd be shocked or not want or enjoy them. I have two sides to me. I'm not as bad as I was by any means, and I like that you think I'm sweet. I do. I want to be sweet to you. You deserve it. I also want to be a little dirty sometimes.
[He scraped his teeth lightly, playfully over Iggy's shoulder and then kissed it simply. softly, still cradling him in his arms.]
I know we do, but well, I want you to know me, right?
[Dick grabs his chin to extend the kiss for a little bit, needing that gentle touch of lips to remind him that they're together and still solid-- with the way Dick has messed up in the past, being open and vulnerable doesn't come easy. It's a rocky path, and so word vomit is the only way he knows to share. ]
I wouldn't judge based on you being a guy. That would be ... strange. I think. I mean, I had a couple blow jobs from a couple guys before, but that's it. Gave Garth a handjob once while we were watching porn.
[Dick keeps his head on Iggy's shoulder and lays it there as he thinks.]
I used to not say anything at all about this type of stuff. I didn't talk, or open up. I think that's why I'm still learning how to do it right. You know? I am still working on it. You'd get a yes, or no, or a few words that had nothing to do with me personally. I was always great with sarcasm.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah, sure. Coffee sounds great.
[Glancing around, Dick notices the quiet. ]
Wow, never seen it this quiet around here.
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[Iggy steps into the little kitchen to get them each a cup of coffee.]
So. Are you mad? Is that why you want to talk privately?
[He hands Dick his mug, looking curious but not especially upset.]
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I'm not mad. I was upset, frustrated. I mean, I knew what you were dealing with or thought I did and you up and left me without giving me any credit. I would have been happy to done anything, anything for you and you didn't even give me a chance. You didn't even bother to tell me the truth. That hurt. I've been opening up to you, because you have been pushing me to in some ways.
I mean...
[He pauses. He wasn't going to say this much, but he's not sure how not to. It's a difficult choice to make. He doesn't want to go completely backwards. Two word sentences and short clips of thoughts got him no where, and ruined all the things he had. This isn't much better though. This communication thing.]
I want us to communicate. I don't feel like we actually do, not on an even level.
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[He sighs and sips his coffee. Where to start?]
You're a vigilante, right? You've told me many times that that's your life's work. It's the most important thing in your life. If we were having dinner and the city needed you, you'd leave, right?
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[That felt like a smack in his face if ever there was one. Dick suddenly realized that talking really wasn't getting them anywhere, and apparently Dick had been overwhelming Iggy since they started dating and he needed to back off quite a bit. So, he listened. He'd never meant to throw anything like that in Iggy's face at all. They really hadn't gone out all that much, and his feelings were enough, but they weren't love or anything close to it.
Dick thought about the question. With the way things were in the city now he shrugged. It really depended on what happened. ]
I only recently told you, but yes. That's my job. It's not the only or most important thing in my life. No one actually calls me anymore first off. I make my own hours. If there was a massive emergency, it would depend. Babs is pretty competent and her force is very good at what they do. She also has Argus helping her now. I made the choice to come back to work. I didn't have to. I enjoy what I do. I also need time away. That was what I didn't do before, and it fucked up my relationships, so no, I'm not so sure I would unless the world depended on it. I'd also tell you what was going on and take you home or somewhere safe.
[Dick was calm in his words. There wasn't emotion behind them, merely thought as he went through what would happen and how he felt about what he did now. He'd been through quite a bit, and this was how he lived his life now. ]
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Alright. That's more than fair.
Look. I'm sorry for rushing off. I really am. But it's...
[He stops to sip his coffee and thinks.]
I brought up your work because it's the only thing I can think of that might be similar. I don't do medium work anymore. I gave it up. But if someone notices me? They can be really, really insistent. Sometimes I'm all they've got.
In retrospect I wish I hadn't hurried off, but you seemed so chill. You were all... 'yeah babe, do what you gotta do' and I just kinda thought that meant you understood. But then you blew me off for a few days, and I was like, 'okay, so, he's not okay with it.'
[He regards Dick calmly.]
You wanna know where I went? Or do you not care? Genuinely curious.
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It's most certainly all Dick wants to know about. Dick did say that if they needed to go, they could. He wasn't sure how things worked when there was a ghost around. That's why Dick tried to be understanding in the first place. ]
I do. I want to know where you went and what happened. I want to know about you. Genuinely.
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[Iggy has some more coffee first. The boy loves his stimulants.]
I left and spent a few hours trying to track down this dead guy's sister. I finally did, and then I had to go to her house like a complete fucking maniac, because the problem with calling people to say 'hey, your dead relative is here with me' is that they can hang up on you. So I had to find her, get her not to slam the door in my face by revealing private information, then spend more time explaining to her what he wanted me to tell her.
Which was bananas, for the record. Never trust anyone when money is involved in your will, Dick.
Anyway. So that's why I texted you so late. And then... you blew me off for like three days.
[He shrugs.]
You like to tell me like, 'this is how I am, Iggy.' And that's fine. I like who you are.
But tell me: who do you think I am?
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[Dick reaches across and takes Iggy's hand, meeting their fingers together. He knows he hasn't done enough listening. He needs to figure out how to do it better. He needs to be silent far more often.]
Tell me more about you, about what you want, who you are. I never feel like you want to talk, so I keep filling in the gap. Too much, I realize.
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I'm Ignatius Melville. I'm getting my masters in fine arts. I paint watercolour landscapes, and my favourite artist is Austin Osman Spare.
I'm a sex worker. I cam five days a week for two hours at least. I sugarbaby, sometimes, but I am pretty picky. I have a boyfriend who really doesn't seem super comfortable with my work, so I try not to talk about it. But it's a job I love, so that's a bit difficult sometimes.
I love the ocean. I love music. I drink. I do drugs. Sometimes I don't come home until the sun rises because I've been out all night dancing and partying. I love my life. I really do.
But sometimes I would get lonely. I got lucky and I met this pretty great guy, and he's socially awkward as fuck with me for some reason but that's okay because I'm socially awkward as fuck. But I'm not so sure he likes me for me. He says all the right things. His heart is huge. But he's very intense, and I feel like I'm always failing some weird boyfriend test he's administering. And I think... I dunno, maybe he sees me as some stray that needs rescuing, because he's really good at saving people.
I don't want saving.
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I'm Dick Grayson. I used to say nothing, share nothing. Now I'm trying to figure out what to share, how to share it. I've been talking too much.
I'm still working on figuring out who I am right now. I'm Nightwing. I know that, but I gave up a large part of my family about six months ago. I feel lost, and lonely. I met a great guy and we had some nice sex. I had no idea how he felt about me because he was a sex worker. I don't meet sex workers cause that's what the guy who raised me did. I didn't get the life, and that's my bad. I didn't understand you, and when I thought I was trying, I only figured I messed up, and kept apologizing. I felt like i fail the boyfriend test, but that's because I never passed it.
I kept thinking that I wanted to respect you, because I don't know if you get respect from everyone. I don't want to save you. You don't need it, but I want to know you. I want to see if I can handle us. I- I'm not used to sharing. I never asked if you were going to keep having sex with other guys. I should have. I think I didn't want to ask at first, but I knew. I know. I'm still trying to figure it out.
I don't mind your cam work at all. I think that's great. I think you're sexy as fuck, and if you like it, then go for it. I don't want to feel like one of your sugar daddys if I buy you things, ask you to move in, or want to take you on a vacation. I don't know how to make it different. I think that's a me issue.
I do worry about you sometimes when you're out all night and wake up lost. That's the only thing that worries me. I can worry because i know this city kills people. I've seen the worst. Maybe that makes us difficult as a couple I don't know.
I do like you I like you more now that I know you. I've always loved that you're an artist and I want to see your stuff.
I love the ocean too. I want to walk along the shore with you if/when we make it. I do want to know about the ghost side of you too. It's not easy, and it makes you feel crazy. Maybe I could just hold you, make you coffee or listen to you rant. Whatever you want. I want to listen.
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Okay, see? See, we can do this.
I like it when you're not trying too hard, Dick. You don't have to try and guess what's going to make me happy, okay? You don't have to impress me. You can fuck up! Because I'm gonna fuck up. I'm gonna fuck up a lot!
[He leans in to kiss Dick, soft and quick, still smiling.]
I'm not sleeping with anyone, for the record.
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When I share what I have with you, I'm not trying to impress you. I - I think I like doing it, because I can. I've never gotten to do it like this before. I think it's fun, just so you know. I'm still going to fuck up, and probably apologize too much.
[He laughs and moves around to pull Iggy into his arms, because he wants to hold the other man.]
I like that you're not sleeping with anyone, that's my truth. I want to be the one to tie you up, and be your daddy if you want one occasionally. I also want to snuggle with you on the couch, and take long walks with you. I know, I just want it all..
[The last sentence is said playfully with a teasing tone and a slip of Dick's fingers along Iggy's waist, squeezing softly. ]
no subject
Okay. That's cool, I just don't want you to think you've got to make everything perfect.
[He raises his eyebrows.]
You wanna tie me up? That might be something that can be arranged. But I'll level with you: I don't have a daddy kink like, at all.
[He leans in to nuzzle Dick's throat.]
Cuddling and walks sound really nice. Those are the things I don't get to do, you know? So, yeah. Lots of that, please, if we're gonna date.
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[Dick laughed softly, dipping his head a little. They hadn't talked about much, and given that Iggy is far more experienced than Dick in a lot of things- Dick was kind of making a point that he was more than willing to try things out. He was very exploratory and curious in the bedroom, and didn't mind enjoying their time there trying things. ]
I like marks, and enjoyed seeing you dressed up for me. I don't have as much experience there. Did a lot of pretty vanilla stuff, but I want to explore things, if you have things you enjoy.
[Running his fingers up, Dick drags them easily through Iggy's soft curls. He adores Iggy's hair and will always love having his fingers there. It always relaxes him. ]
We're still dating. I won't let you go that easy, and plenty of cuddling and long walks. Plenty of us.
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We can totally talk about kinks, Dick. I have like, very few hard lines. Marks are cool. I love dressing up just in general - wait until Halloween, I go nuts.
[Iggy grins and hugs Dick tight for a moment.]
Okay, cool. Come sit on my crappy couch with me, then. We'll drink our coffee and talk.
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[He laughs a little, but he's always found the art of ropes to be pretty as well. There's some that's a little frightening for him- there's a lot of control, and trust required, but they're all things to be learned. ]
I enjoyed my little bit with you. I liked it more than I thought...
[A thing Dick would never admit to another person. He squeezes Iggy back and kisses his neck softly before grabbing another cup of coffee and moving to the couch. He sets the cup to the side and opens his arms up so that Iggy and snuggle into him easily.]
I don't know my lines, really. I haven't done much. I want to know more things to try beyond the basics, things that might work for us.
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[On the couch, Iggy settles against Dick comfortably. Iggy is six foot one but he doesn't mind curling up.]
What qualifies as 'not much'? I don't exactly have a normal baseline for that sort of thing, you know? Like are basics just... missionary position intercourse and giving head?
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[That shouldn't surprise Dick, but it does. There's whole scenes out there where people are taught and learn most everything under the sun, so of course there would be places where other people can go to learn how to tie people up.
Dick thinks about things that he's thought was pretty, but then he changes his mind. Dick is only an inch shorter than Iggy, but Iggy is far leaner, and Dick loves it. He loves the way they fit together. It somehow works. Slipping his hands just under Iggy's shirt to trace along his warm skin, Dick sighs with contentment.
This. This is perfect. He loves the way his fingers slide over pale warmth, making him feel so much closer than they'd been standing across from one another in the kitchen. ]
I would. I would love to go take classes. I've done a few positions. I mean, I've been ridden and put girls in different ways across the bed. I'm not completely without a little fun. I enjoy being a little dominant now and then, but I like soft too, with the right person.
[Here Dick merely squeezes Iggy softly and noses against his neck, playfully. He's feeling good and hopeful for them and what's to come.]
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So he keeps his voice light.]
Dick, I'm officially a little worried you'll think I'm depraved if we swap stories. But I'm glad you're open minded.
[He runs his fingers through Dick's hair.]
You really are just a sweet guy.
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I think that play piercings look amazing, but I doubt you'd want to do that to me. I'd love to have hooks in my back and leather threaded through some. I take more pain on a day to day basis than most experience in their lives. I've been dead. Pain makes me feel alive.
[Biting his lip, Dick looks at Iggy now wondering if he understands.]
You don't have to do any of it, and you don't even have to get it, but I will never think you depraved. I'm more than a sweet guy. I'm cruel, and have tortured men. I don't think you'd like to know me all the way. I'm not sure you'd like the entire person I've been. There's a reason you sent me to therapy.
[He snorts a laugh now.]
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[Iggy looks at Dick curiously.]
What do you want me to think about you? I call you sweet and you jump to tell me that you're cruel.
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That wasn't the case. Dick was this man full of dichotomies. He was the Janus coin. Two sides in one person. He was far more stable than he'd been in the past. He was far better as Nightwing than anyone else, but it still remained that he had darker interests at times.
They were his curiosities, but so was more innocent things like wax and giving Iggy a blowjob under a table somewhere. He wasn't totally dark all the time. He was merely... Dick Grayson. It made him sigh a little.
Resting his chin on Iggy's shoulder, he kissed it softly.]
I am sweet, but I'm not innocent and I guess I felt like the tone used made me seem too simple and innocent to hear the things you'd done, like I'd be shocked or not want or enjoy them. I have two sides to me. I'm not as bad as I was by any means, and I like that you think I'm sweet. I do. I want to be sweet to you. You deserve it. I also want to be a little dirty sometimes.
[He scraped his teeth lightly, playfully over Iggy's shoulder and then kissed it simply. softly, still cradling him in his arms.]
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[He turns his head to steal a quick kiss.]
I was teasing, a little. But I do worry sometimes that you'd judge me. Most people do.
And... well. I'm your first guy, right? I don't want to be overwhelming.
[He settled back with a sigh.]
I'm glad you told me how you feel.
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[Dick grabs his chin to extend the kiss for a little bit, needing that gentle touch of lips to remind him that they're together and still solid-- with the way Dick has messed up in the past, being open and vulnerable doesn't come easy. It's a rocky path, and so word vomit is the only way he knows to share. ]
I wouldn't judge based on you being a guy. That would be ... strange. I think. I mean, I had a couple blow jobs from a couple guys before, but that's it. Gave Garth a handjob once while we were watching porn.
[Dick keeps his head on Iggy's shoulder and lays it there as he thinks.]
I used to not say anything at all about this type of stuff. I didn't talk, or open up. I think that's why I'm still learning how to do it right. You know? I am still working on it. You'd get a yes, or no, or a few words that had nothing to do with me personally. I was always great with sarcasm.
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