cohero | Dick & Iggy PSL Open Post/Overflow/Inbox

"I've always been this way. You never got to see it because I held so much back. I don't feel like I have to anymore." He grinned and laughed. There's a freedom here that he never felt before between the two of them. Dick can admit all that he held back in fear of pushing to much to hard, too quickly. Now that they are together, Dick lets himself be who he is, one hundred percent. There's no more reason to be secretive.

Plus, this is fun, being on a date and being silly.

"Bears? That's cool. I think I've seen some jungle rats, and things like deer and a few small animals, but nothing all that exciting. I'm always in the city. Look..." Dick moves over to the special enclosure for the mother and her babies, then looks with his mouth open, utterly gobsmacked.

"Look at these babies. They are so small, and the mom just lets them crawl all over her. She looks fed up, like she's about to snap. I guess all moms get that way. I mean, I don't know from my parents, but it's a guess." He laughs and points at the one that just rolled over and fell down from his mom's body.

"It's nice," Iggy says. "Having you be really you. It makes me feel like I can be me, too." Perhaps oddly enough, Iggy is slow to let himself be truly how he is when he's alone. Part of him still tries to be 'on,' to please.

Iggy watches, eyes still wide. He's enchanted.

"My mom almost never snapped," he says, almost shyly. "She was just about the kindest, most patient mom you can imagine. And she was stuck with me all day every day, practically!"

Moving around, Dick comes up behind Iggy and wraps his arms around the thinner male. He's so lovely like this, free and open. Dick can't help but feel his heart open a little more as they stand here. Kissing the side of Iggy's neck, Dick grins. "Of course your mom was patient and wonderful with you. It was you. I think being stuck with you every day would be wonderful too."

Thinking a little wistfully, Dick sighs. "My mom was pretty amazing too.She was so patient. She never yelled, or gave up on me, even when I'd have to do a trick over and over again before getting it right. Catching them, and flipping in the air, her and my dad taught me everything..." Dick leans down and presses his eyes closed against Iggy's shoulder, keeping the tears there, and any drops left behind on the fabric below before clearing his throat.

"Let's see. I think I want to see the panda bears next, How about you? Little black and white bears in trees?"

"You say that, but you don't know what I was like! And you wouldn't be trying to teach me math and history."

Iggy pats Dick's hand. "You grew up in the circus? So did you have to be homeschooled, too?" He doesn't meet many other former homeschool kids.

At that he nods. "Sure."

"I know, and can you imagine trying to take care of me and teach me how not to lose my patience when trying to get the guts to jump from hundreds of feet in the air with no net? Even at first when there was a net. Learning to flip, over and over. It was crazy." He pauses and looks at Iggy.

There's a nod. "I was home schooled my whole life, with my parents and with Bruce, rather Alfred and a few private teaches for languages and so on. Did you like being home schooled? I didn't have a choice with being Robin, or being Bruce's ward." There's a wrinkle and a frown on his face. He missed his life at the circus. It wasn't normal, but he felt more normal then.

He won't regret anything as it stands, but there's a lot of what ifs...

Bringing Iggy's hand to his lips, he kisses it solidly to remind himself he's not alone. "Thanks. For coming with me. This is nice" By the time they reached the live giant Panda bear from China They found him back on a log scratching himself. Dick immediately ran to the rail and started smiling and laughing at how cute.

"Look at him Iggy. He's great. I swear if I could have any animal, that would be it. I'd make a sanctuary for them. They are going extinct. I wish I could save them, but China keeps recalling them back from the US." Dick shakes his head. Stupid politics. At least they get to see this one. It's beautiful.

Iggy snickers. "No. No you were probably a total terror."

He tries to imagine being tutored in some big old mansion and finds it a little creepy. "Uhm... it was okay. It was really lonely. I begged my parents to let me go to a public high school until they let me because I didn't have any friends."

Iggy follows, amused at how Dick rushes over. He joins him at the railing. "Pretty cute," he agrees. "Pity they're too lazy to mate. ...can't relate. They're not really bears, are they? Aren't they like... huge raccoons? Or did I hear that on the internet and it's fake?"

Poking Iggy, Dick makes a face. "Hey, I was only a terror until I decided to give up on running away from Bruce and finding my parents killer on my own." It was the truth. In the beginning, he tried at least three times a week, if not more to run away. He was always caught and brought back. It wasn't until Bruce showed him the batcave and began to train him to be able to catch his parent's killer and bring him to justice did Dick stop running away.

"Once I became Robin, I was a lot better. I had a better outlet for my ... need to get revenge." Listening to Iggy, Dick can relate. It was terribly lonely growing up the way he did. If there'd been any way Dick would have been able to do normal things, go to any sort of normal school he would have loved to. Instead, he was bullied, and he couldn't even react because it would give away the secret. Wrapping his arms around Iggy, Dick nods.

"I was there too. I couldn't even kick the bullies ass because it would give away my secret." He kissed Iggy on the neck and nuzzled him. "Here's to the loser homeschool kids become awesome adults club." He snorted and laughed before going to the Bears.

"ummm." To tell the truth, Dick didn't know. Luckily there was a sign that read "All about Pandas, and 10 Myths about Pandas". Reading through it, he tapped it. "They're only lazy in captivity because of all the food. The poor female can only mate once a year. Man, poor guys. In captivity they chase one another around like wild and the females have a cub once every two years. That's pretty good if she's only fertile two days a year. " He reads a little further.

"It says that they couldn't figure out what category to put the Panda in for a while, but it ended up as a bear, a good old regular bear. "

He pokes right back. "I meant to your poor parents," he teases.

He hums. "You realise I'm never going to understand that, right? Like, I obviously respect your feelings and your unconventional life choices, but it's baffling to me and probably always will be." The very idea of searching for vengeance is alien to Iggy.

He listens as Dick reads the informational card, watching the pandas as he does so.

"Aww. Poor bears. I mean, no wonder they're going extinct, but it still sucks."

A fake pout covers his features and he nuzzles his kiss into Iggy again. "My parents adored me, and I had a an education no kid gets. I mean the bearded lady taught me Russian, and the strong man taught me history." He smiled and moved on.

Looking back, there was a shrug. "I don't know if it was much a choice in the beginning. I was eight. I was trained to do it. I'm taking the best of a break that I can right now with Bruce being sick. I wanted to take a bigger one after the last Demon from another dimension tried to destroy the world, but Bruce was still getting over killing someone. He doesn't believe in ever killing anyone, and so then he tried to kill himself... " Dick waves his hand. "Big mess. I'm trying. You're .. you're my time away. I understand, and it's okay if you don't get it. You support me."

"You know there are a ton in China still right? China won't let them out, though. We'd be fine if they would." There's shrug. Politics. Another topic Dick is trying to avoid. "Lets see, what else is fun. The big polar bears, since we are looking at bears?"

"Russian, really? My mom's side is Russian. They were Doukhobors, that's why they moved to Canada."

Iggy frowns lightly. "You were eight. When you put it like that, you make it sounds like Bruce forced you into it. Is that how you feel about it?"

He scrunches his nose up. "Yes, Professor Grayson. Yeah, show me the deadliest bears in the world." He tugs Dick along, happy to go look at the massive predators. "I'm shocked they can even keep them," he says. "Back home, apparently there was one at the Vancouver zoo back in the 80s? But the enclosure is so tiny - it still exists, I've seen it. They really didn't give a shit about habitat back in the day."

"I don't remember a lot, but we used to practice every day when I'd go by to talk to her. They were my family, my home. It was hard to go from never having a place as my home to being forced to live in one. I hated it so much. I was used to traveling. The open road was my life." Dick talks as they walk from one exhibit toward the next. Strolling through the zoo is nice. There are other little exhibits on the way, big free ranges for little tiny deer like animals, and monkeys of differing types.

"I-- I feel a lot of different ways. I was so filled with rage toward the person who killed my parents. I wanted to kill him myself. I went out night after night, actively seeking a mobster by myself. In a way, Bruce gave me the skills to not get myself killed. In a way, he turned me into what he was, a mini-Batman. He used me. Stole my childhood. I never had playdates, or learned how to be normal. I didn't realize it until later." Dick shrugged. He's taken some time to get it back, but he's still obviously detached in odd ways, and desensitized in other ways.

There's a darkness in him that he doesn't share with anyone, because he's afraid to let it out. The things that he thinks about at times, he feels it would scare other people. The things he fantasizes about aren't always innocent either. He mentioned it to one girlfriend and she left him. Not a thing to bring up on a first date.

"It's why I finally did leave Bruce and it all behind and try to start the Titans, but I had to go farther. I had to leave Robin, and I became Nightwing. I know that I want to keep helping people, as much I can, but I can do that as my own person."

"Anyways" He shrugs, "Here's the polar bears. Maybe..." All Dick can see right now are big ice floes and lots of snow, no polar bears. "I wonder if they're inside eating, or sleeping. That really stinks about the Vancouver zoo enclosure. I would hate for bears to be in something so small. I know they used to be like that for a lot of animals a while back, before all the zoos started really caring about the animals the way they should."

Iggy pauses at the exhibits of the cuter animals - he's not so much into the monkeys, but he likes the little deer things.

Iggy looks over at Dick. "But you keep doing it," he points out. "What he taught you to do." There is great irony in Iggy of all people saying this, considering that he himself repeats patterns in his life constantly. (Not that he lets himself acknowledge it.)

Iggy nods and stands close to Dick, holding his hand as he looks for the bears.

"Aquarium. They had killer whales, too. Inhumane shit, but people didn't know or care. I watched that documentary on the SeaWorld one that killed its trainer? Really messed up."

He looks over and smiles. "It's nice now, though. Expensive, but nice. I went a few times - once for fun, when I was on mushrooms. Oh boy, that was wild, I just stared at the jellyfish for ages.

"Another time I was with one of my rich guys at this ritzy event. We got to walk around with drinks and look at all the fish. It was neat."

There's a little slope in the walkway that leads down to a place where people can sit and watch the bears underwater. There's not a single person down there. Taking Iggy's hand, he walks with him down there and turns and pushes him up against the glass, where he palms down along Iggy's cock, mischief in his eyes.

"What can I say, I'm stubborn and I like helping people. I do it on my own terms. I like things on my terms. Like this..." He tips Iggy's head back with his own and nips at it a few times.

"I've been to Sea World since then too. It's nice. I like some of the roller coasters. They...leave you panting." Dick is still running his hand up and down Iggy's cock, fingers deft, as they crawl around it pushing it to extend and fill with blood. Only then does he leans in to kiss him, hard and dirty, messy and full of tongue.

"Don't ever doubt me when I say I'm going to do something, by the way. I might get nasty on you..." He pulls away, and looks at his work with a sly smile. "Should we sit for a few seconds? Bet you wish you had those jellyfish to stare at about now?"

Iggy makes a surprised little noise - he isn't expecting to be pushed against anything. It's a not entirely pleasant reminder that Dick is very strong, and very fast.

"Dick!" he hisses as he's felt up. His eyes try to dart everywhere at once. Nobody. Iggy relaxes a little. "Are you nuts, there are kids around..."

The physical attention has a predictable effect, but Iggy finds himself distracted by the idea that some family might just stroll on down to look at the polar bears. Hell, he feels weird that the bears might see.

Released, Iggy scowls and has a seat on the built-in bench across from the enclosure window.

"I didn't doubt you," he huffs. "I just didn't think it was a great idea. And jeez, Dick, you groped me like a piece of meat."

There's the instant feeling of regret and shame when Dick realizes that Iggy hadn't been a willing partner to what Dick thought was a fun little romp of slightly public, but still hidden tom-foolery. It wasn't like Dick was a full on exhibitionist, but he did like the idea of being outside in semi-public and goofing around.

It wasn't like he hadn't played around before like this with his girlfriends. He didn't think about how Iggy was used to being treated, and how it would be very different for Dick to take control like that.

"I- I'm so sorry. You know I'd never want you to feel like that. I. I'm used to being playful and teasing my lovers like that. I have to remember that you're different. You're more precious, and I wouldn't have taken any chances if there were families. I'm good at knowing when there are people around because of the Nightwing thing. I'm still really sorry Iggy. I never should have touched you like that without your permission."

He looks over, and drops his head. Reaching over, he holds out his palm. "Can you forgive me? I promise I won't do it again while we're here."

Hilariously, Iggy is an exhibitionist.

He looks up at Dick and sighs, then pats the spot on the bench beside him.

"Oh my god, Dick, calm down," he says gently. "Sit."

He waits for the other to do so, then turns toward him and takes his hands in his.

"Breathe, okay? Okay. We need to work on this shit - every time we disagree you don't need to grovel, okay? A normal 'oops, sorry' is fine, I don't need you to like... beat yourself up about it."

He leans in to kiss Dick softly.

"You're acting like if I get pissed off I'm gonna leave forever. Why?"

"Because you've gotten really pissed off at me for doing things like that before, so I don't want to screw up again, and lose you. Don't tell me to calm down when I'm just talking. I'm not upset really, just feel bad for not being considerate. You know I'm trying to do better. "

Dick is a little over the top, but dating Iggy is still new to him. He doesn't know how Iggy feels exactly, and Dick feels like this is more of a try and see thing, rather than anything solid. They never talked about the other people Iggy sleeps with-- and what if Iggy falls for one of them? It could happen.

There's a lot to be said for how much Dick cares for Iggy, and he honestly doesn't know to work this. Dating a guy is different and new, and Iggy is so different from the people he normally dates.

Dick's arms slide around Iggy, and he doesn't know how to put all that he feels into words yet. He needs to work on that, and he will, slowly. Maybe as they walk, and talk. Right now he enjoys the soft kiss.

Taking a second, he thinks about how to word his answer. "I don't think you'll leave forever. I'm - I've told you that I'm not great with relationships, and you're so different from anyone I've ever dated. I'm still learning how to figure out what we are, and how to approach... us. I guess. I care for you a lot, you know that, and I don't want to lose you. I don't know what deal breakers are for you, for us. " He thinks a little more, and leaves it there for now. It's enough to digest.

Iggy makes a bit of a face but says nothing, committed to listening completely instead of arguing right away.

By the time Dick finishes speaking he's warmed up even more, fingers gently chafing Dick's knuckles.

"It's okay," he says softly. "I'm even more new to this than you are, you know. I've never had a relationship before at all, outside of financially motivated arrangements."

He looks to the enclosure, but still no bears.

"I don't know what makes you think I'm so different. And I'm sorry if you felt shot down - it's not that I'm not interested, you know, I just would like a bit more warning next time. You know, maybe a little more kissing before the dick gran?" He looks back and smiles to show that he's not angry.

"This is all very strange for me. I'm trying to learn how to look out for myself, and how to not just provide a sexual fantasy every time we hang out. I mean... I could, if you'd like that. But then we'd be something else."

"Like I said we're different. A lot of things are different between this and the woman I've dated. They like the spontaneous, so I have to figure that to you when I do that it feels more like you're working and I'm not that. I have to train myself to be something a little different." He pauses and noses against Iggy's cheek. Then looks at him seriously.

"I do like sex though, Iggy. I don't want it every time we hang out. The grab was flirty, and I didn't expect sex. I wouldn't have minded if anything happened if you wanted it, but I do like it, a lot. I don't want you to feel like I'm one of your men though. I can't be. We have to find some sort of middle ground." Dick sighed a little and ruffled his brow. He didn't mind spending hours making out on the couch, or laying around doing nothing. He did that often enough.

He was fine with dates and having fun, but he was also flirty, and playful with the people he liked. He was a sexual being, and it was a goto outside of work, because it took the pressure off. It was one of the things that did. Maybe he was still working on being better, but he'd get there. "I want to be good for you, but I can't change me completely."

"I wish you wouldn't say train," Iggy says softly. "You're not a dog, Dick."

He sits there, studying Dick's face in the dim light. He's extremely handsome, he thinks. He could probably have anybody he wanted, male or female. But here he was, offering to bend, to change... but still much the same as every other man Iggy had ever met.

"I didn't say I don't like sex," he said. "I happen to like sex a lot." He took his hands back so he could push them through his hair.

"I guess I'm not sure what you want from me, even now. You say you don't want to be a client, but in the next breath you remind me how important it is that you get your balls drained." He looks back at the enclosure window, feeling lost and vaguely guilty.

"...this is stupid. Let's go look at some more animals."

"Iggy, I train all the time. It's what I spend the majority of my time doing. I have an entire training room. I spent years training people how to fight. The word train has a lot of meaning. I spend hours a day working on my physical training so that I can fight better, and be in better physical shape. I will never, ever be a dog." Dick rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. "When I work hard at something, I consider it training. It's not bad to have different words for things. You say things differently than I would."

All this is starting to confuse Dick. He thought he had a boyfriend, and he's done enough relationships, even the bad ones to know that there are some things that should be natural and this doesn't feel like it. Dick didn't mean to act like a douche. Maybe he was. Running his hands through his hair he thinks back.

Maybe he's unsure because he's never dated anyone and not been exclusive, or dated anyone who does sex work, and Dick honestly doesn't know how to navigate any of it. It's not anything they've talked about.

"Iggy, this is important though.." Dick finally manages as they get up. He takes the other man's hand and brings it to his lips gently. "I'm sorry that I accosted you like that. I know better now. I don't know what you want from me either. I think maybe we both put pressure on one another with this, and got things confused? I don't know. All I know is that I really like you, and I don't want to be without you." He moved along over to another random animal enclosure, making sure he skipped the monkey one before it.

"It's not about getting... my balls drained. Geez. See, I would never think of sex between us like that, ever." Dick looks down at his feet, feeling terrible that he brought it up and that Iggy would think of it like that. It makes it sound like a chore.

Iggy, feeling suddenly very stupid, nods. He doesn't take his hand away when Dick takes it, just nods again, silent. He follows along beside him, thinking, pausing to look through glass at animals. He's very aware the fun, easy atmosphere from before has dissipated, and he knows he could get it back simply by acting like everything is okay. He's good at that.

Instead he elbows Dick gently in the ribs. "Bullshit," he says, and grins. "Everybody thinks of it like that from time to time. But I apologise for the phrasing."

He takes Dick's hand firmly and tugs him over to watch a supremely lazy looking lemur hanging out in a tree.

"Stop apologising. You're forgiven," he says firmly. "You startled me, that's all, and making a big deal out of it is just making me feel guilty. I don't like that, it makes want to please you in a way I'm not sure you want me to."

"I don't mind the phrasing, but from you that's not how I tend to think of it, at least not yet. Maybe one day if I'm really worked up..." Dick shakes his head, and shrugs. It wasn't like he was trying for something difficult between them, but when couples date-- they have disagreements and it doesn't always matter where they are.

There's a furrow in Dick's brow. He's feeling more and more like he's a fault and he doesn't like that feeling either. There's never a time that he ever wants Iggy to feel like that with him and he wants to ask how to stop it, but now that Iggy is in this foul humor, Dick isn't sure if he should. He thought that dating meant they could talk about all these things that there was between them, because it meant that there were things to work on.

Taking a few steps further down the path, there's a set of peacocks spreading their feathers and strutting around. "Always so pretty for birds that are just trying to get attention. I had a feather once, but Bruce made me get rid of it. I do miss the animals from the circus. The elephants the most. We haven't seen those yet. " Dick pulls out the map and spins it around as he looks up where they are.

"Maybe when we get back to my place, we can talk about some of this. I think it might help. I don't want you to feel like that, like you need to please me like that, and I need to know how not to do it and I think I need to learn how to relate to what you do better, cause I want to date you and take you on dates and enjoy your smile and everything that comes with that, without either of us feeling guilty."

Iggy watches the peacocks with genuine amusement. "Why'd he make you do that? Seems weird. I'd totally be a peacock if I was a bird, I bet. They make an awful noise, just like me!"

He peers over Dick's shoulder - easy to do, Iggy is so tall - and nods.

"Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. Because I think you're right." He pauses to kiss Dick's cheek. "It's gonna be okay."

"He believed all bird feathers were dirty, and yet we had bats all down in the cave. The guano was a mess. I don't get it. I mean some birds do carry disease and it can be in their feathers, but most peacock feathers are fairly safe." At least Dick hadn't heard of anyone dying from a peacock feather, but an order from Bruce was an order from Bruce and he did what he was told or faced the consequences. They were never worth facing.

Wrapping his arm around Iggy's to bring him closer together than merely holding his hand, Dick took them down the path to the elephants. Childhood excitement bubbled in his stomach and heart. It was like coming home to see an old friend. These might not be the ones he knew, but they were still old friends in a way.

It was a giant paddock, with a small one on the side where they kept the elephant for the kids to ride on. That one trumpeted and huffed at the ground. He wanted to be back with the others over by the water hole where they were bathing, and it looked like playing as well.

"Look at the small one. He keeps trying to get out of the way, but someone is always spraying him. They're picking on him, the poor baby. They can be such goofballs. I always thought it was crazy cool how much they understood when I was little. This one elephant, Cesar, would always give me a high five, or shake my hand with his trunk, even when the trainer wasn't there. he never forgot. "

I love actually making little dates expansive and realistic like this if I can. XD

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