Date: 2023-12-31 02:29 am (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#15630091)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( part of the reason why he’d hesitated to come β€” why he still wonders if he should be here is the fact that he’s not the version of the man he’s known for a number of years throughout his life. for him, he hasn’t even met a young dick grayson β€” hasn’t felt the sympathy for a freshly orphaned boy losing his parents right before him and knowing how that feels in the moment and wanting to help. wanting to be there for him because he gets it, unfortunately. maybe this would be a little easier if he already had, knowing how to be around him. or maybe it wouldn’t matter at all, given the fact that they’re relatively close in age like this. maybe it would be even more strange for him if he had a young dick grayson in his care back in his gotham, only to be with an adult version of him now. who’s to say? as it stands, he knows this is more strange for dick than it is him. because of course it would be.

licking over his lips, he stares down to his drink again, having nursed so much of this when being shaken from bed from yet another nightmare of his parents death. sleep is nothing he finds peace in and he only really lets his head hit the pillows when he absolutely needs to. or when alfred reminds him to actually go and get some rest.

another swig, he finishes it and holds the glass there between his fingers, staring to the way the bit of light catches on the glass and he looks over to dick then with those blue eyes that, regardless of version, are so very bruce. )


Sounds like a New Year’s resolution to make.

( not one he himself would ever make. but then again, a lot of bruce’s ways of communicating are mostly done through his actions and the expressions he makes. or doesn’t, in some cases. )
Date: 2023-12-31 10:37 am (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16521488)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( quiet, he watches the amber liquid slowly fill the crystal in his hand and he gives a soft hum of thanks. again, the whole not so much communicating with words thing. typical bruce, no matter the age. no matter the version.

the question doesn't necessarily catch him off guard but it does pull a huff from him β€” a tiny sliver of amusement, almost, as he bring his glass back up to his lips. )


Am I not enough of an open book already?

( it's said dryly because he damn well knows he's not. the amount of things he keeps to himself β€” keeps locked away in his thoughts to torture himself with in private is endless at times. sometimes, the only real way for him to get them out of his head for some semblance of peace and quiet is writing them down in his journals. though it doesn't always work and sometimes he fixates over seeing them right there in front of him, but. bruce and healthy coping mechanisms are not exactly anything that go hand-in-hand.

slowly, he takes a swig of his drink and looks down to his glass. he's hunched over a little, legs apart, drinks dangling there between his legs and he looks over to dick for a moment. )
Date: 2023-12-31 03:49 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#15630110)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( there’s a glance to the hand that touches his knee, fleeting. it’s only after that he takes to staring at his drink he holds, another slow swish of it around with a tilt of his wrist. the topic of alfred has him hum rather thoughtfully. for as difficult as it can be for bruce to open up about himself, talking about alfred is a little easier.

a little. )


Fine. ( a beat. ) He’s fine.

( not wanting to come off as dismissive about the man. he knows he can sometimes come off that way when he speaks, even when he doesn’t mean to. a lot of the time he doesn’t mean to.

slowly, he takes another sip of his drink, tasting the remnants on his lips after. )


Think he’s given up on trying to convince me to call it quits. ( batman, that is. the thought gets bruce to smile a little fondly, glass held between the tips of his fingers as he holds it there before him. ) But I’m sure he’ll still give it another try sometimes.
Date: 2023-12-31 06:02 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16115835)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( he doesn't know how to take that sort of praise and it shows there on his face. it's not that he's uncomfortable... well. maybe it is a little, if only because, again, he doesn't know how to take it.

staring to his drink, he opts to down the rest of it and looks to the empty glass he now holds between his hands. slight shake of his head, teeth drag over his bottom lip β€” he's mulling over how to answer. )


I didn't do anything with him. ( with alfred. ) He's the one who deserves the praise. Especially in putting up with me.

( bruce was a bit of a wild child as a teen and now, in his vengeance era, he's still as difficult and stubborn as ever. )
Date: 2023-12-31 09:19 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#15630090)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( in the end β€” especially now at this [relatively early] stage in his life as the vigilante he's become, bruce being on his own so much is not a good idea. there's more he needs to be. he knows that. but he still becomes obsessedβ€” fixated on things and people he feels he needs to bring to justice. never mind the fact that sometimes he forgets to eat or sleep or do the daily tasks of taking care of himself in ways that aren't bandaging up or stitching together injuries beneath his suit. he has a tendency to become so lost in the thing β€” in the name he's become that nothing and seemingly no one else seems to matter. he needs to be reeled back in at times... reminded that he's not just batman, but bruce wayne, too.

being here β€” being around others like is... it's been new and an adjustment to him, but. he's managing. for now. in this moment here with dick. so when he goes and says that β€” when he reaches out to touch him in a way only selina really has in the past couple years, he can't help but close those bright blue eyes of his for just a moment before they're slowly opening to look to dick again. )


You should.

( go anywhere, he means, with a voice so soft. )
Date: 2023-12-31 10:00 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16559852)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( good for both of us, he says. but bruce wonders more if it would be good for dick more than for himself. after all, dick's the one here drinking alone like he is. bruce hadn't. bruce had been working on repairs to his suit while simultaneously running through various sources on his laptop in search of whatever he's currently decided needs his attention. it's actually still going, back at the place, even while he's here and it is, unsurprisingly, connected to the phone he has on him, tucked in the breast pocket of his coat. because bruce doesn't really know how to take it easy or not be batman. he hasn't always been doing the vigilante life, no. but it's all he's been obsessed with the past few years and the only real thing he's completely thrown himself into.

again, much to alfred's dismay.

but bruce being alone means being left with his thoughts and some of them are ones he doesn't want to have, so. he lets himself drown in the role of the dark knight he's taken on. even here. and in doing so, it's more like a double-edged sword than anything remotely healthy.

dick goes and spills his drink as he does and bruce just stares in silence as he does. a fleeting sweep of his gaze down to the mess before he's looking back up to the other man with those eyes he'd just been complimented on. a compliment, which, doesn't entirely seem to faze him, but. then again, he's bruce.

and, in being bruceβ€” )


Do I really make you that uncomfortable?
Date: 2023-12-31 11:12 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16115911)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( oh.

there's something to be said here. namely, the fact that bruce seems to attract those who simply want to kiss him without his even realizing. for someone so smart and perceptive in the field of being a detective, it's amazing how he seems to miss the more intimate details of a situation.

selina had been the last person to do this β€” to catch him off guard like this and, like before, he's left without much to say when it slowly breaks. because it's always slow for bruce in the moment, as if some part of him buried deep beneath the cape of the dark knight longs for this. for an intimacy. a connection he's been without or only ever had so fleeting in his life.

to be expected, there's a silence that comes with that and after a moment, bruce looks down to his empty glass he still holds. who is he to dick? a [younger] version of a man he knows? someone he's looked up to and spent years of his life with as both ward and family? that thought has his expression scrunch up for a moment. only a moment because, to bruce, dick... isn't really anything because he doesn't exist to him. not yet anyways. just here. in this space. in this apartment he has for himself. in this apartment he hadn't been sure he should come over to and yet, some part of him still wanted to, which is why he's here now.

but that also isn't entirely true. dick not being anything to him. in the time they've known each other here, he's been there, like he's said. even when bruce hasn't seemed to want anyone there. really, like with the kiss, he wonders how he manages to find these people. how he ends up caring for them in ways he didn't think he ever would. in ways, he wonders, if others even know he's capable of for how aloof he can come off as at times. bruce cares. so much that it scares him sometimes. because to care means he'll eventually lose them and he's still skittish with the thought of that what with having nearly lost alfred and already having lost his parents.

licking over his lips, he tastes both the alcohol and the other man on them and there's a soft sigh that leaves him then as he stares across the apartment. glass tipping back and forth simply as a means to give his hand something to do. )


You really shouldn't.

( because he deserves better. everyone deserves better than bruce. )
Date: 2024-01-01 12:53 am (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#15630095)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( is it terrible? somehow, that feels like a loaded question with an equally loaded answer. selina had wanted something like this β€” something with him, even if neither of them really knew what it was, but. he'd been unable to give it to her. unable to follow her. unable to see what it could be. spoken for to a city he couldn't quite untangle himself from, even if some small part of him wanted to at times.

he's standing here in that scenario again β€” technically sitting this time, but. the scenario is more or less the same. a sort of deja-vu he didn't think he'd find himself in. wanting something from him he's not so sure he can give.

dick touches him and those blue eyes fall shut. lips touch. soft. something he's not used to. bruises, punches, knives, gunshots. sharp, painful touches are what he's used to β€” what he almost expects to feel. not this softness that makes everything around him slow. as if to savor it while he can. which is why it's surprising, even to himself, that when dick's forehead presses to his, there's a gentle sort of reciprocation in the way he lets his own stay there against dick's. as close to a nuzzle as bruce wayne can offer.

again, soft on his lips, a sigh. )


It could be.

( this could be terrible. i could be terrible for you. )
Date: 2024-01-01 02:33 am (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16115910)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( part of him has to wonder if this is the alcohol talking. he knew dick had been drinking some prior to his arrival β€” prior to the invite he'd decided to accept, when dick had been indulging on his own here. but he doesn't believe the other man to be intoxicated at the moment and that his words are that which fall to the side of genuine rather than a result of alcohol. although, the alcohol could possibly be giving him the courage β€” the nudge of sorts to do so, but. he's more than sure the other man is aware of his words. of his actions and his touches.

at least that's good to know. or is it? overthinking, as always. that's bruce wayne for you, no matter the version.

this version, however, lets blue eyes slip shit and a hum to rumble deep in the back of his throat as lips are drawn across pale skin. his scars are more beneath his clothes, littered across his back and chest. some in the process of healing, others still fresh and angry.

a duck of his head, dark strands of hair fall in front of his face and his mind kicks into overdrive. what to do. what to say. what he's feeling right now. he's had a couple glasses himself and he could chalk it all up to that. but he knows he's sober. knows he's nowhere near being intoxicated and he doesnt even want to be, truth be told. because another thought touches him. that maybe dick is just as lonely as he is. when he really stops to think about it. when he's not distracted with being so hyper focused on something or someone that needs to be taken care of. when all of that is gone and there's the silence that gives way to thoughts and feelings so often pushed aside and ignored. maybe that's what this is. seeing and finding that same loneliness tucked away inside a darkness that's become so familiar now. and because it's familiar, it almost feels safe in some unhealthy sort of way.

gentle as it is, a huff leaves bruce then and as he lifts his head some, when he speaks, it's with his own lips brushing over dick's. )


Nothing about this is ok.

( for dick, mostly. because he's sure this is liable to hit him with some sort of existential crisis when it all really hits him later. that's why he should leave. for dick's sake. but bruce sometimes makes questionable decisions and it's why rather than leave like he should, he kisses him. soft at first before it becomes a little harder and hands come up to hold dick's face, forehead pressing to his. eyes closed. a sliver of sanity grasped. )

I can't be what you need because you need someone better than me.

( because bruce is still selfish in his own ways and can't untangle himself from his other self. from the dark knight that's consumed him and his life. )
Date: 2024-01-01 05:47 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16117347)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( but he does need more because bruce will deny him so much when the mood strikes. sometimes without even realizing it. things he'll say that will cut sharper than any knife could. things he'll do that will make him wonder if he even cares. if he ever did. it's not something that could potentially happen. it's something that will happen. over and over and over again. where he chooses what he needs over what he wants.

because he will. every time. no matter how much it hurts.

the breath that leaves him is one that's heavy, slipping from his lips to fall onto dick's. again, familiar. the heaviness that comes with being who they are. forehead still pressed there to dick's, words are soft as they leave him. )


You do. Because you deserve more.

( everyone who finds themselves caught up in his orbit does. yet bruce can't help but brush the pad of his thumb along dick's bottom lip, blue eyes somber in the way they just barely stare to the other man, so close as they are.

dick can handle himself physically. he's seen it. but emotionally... he'll leave him with far deeper scars than any physical wound ever could. )
Date: 2024-01-01 06:35 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16115833)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( the fact that bruce still has his coat on shows he hadn't really intended to stay very long. yet here he is. on dick's couch. tangled up in words and fingers and feelings of all things.

there's a shift there in those blue eyes of his when dick goes and says what he does. when he more or less tells bruce of his own burdens he carries even without the details of them. you don't know what i've done is something he, himself could say right back to dick... can relate to in ways some part of him wishes he didn't. for dick's sake, that is.

but it's hearing his name on the other's lips that has that gentle shift in his gaze to soften some, despite the somber, and he stares to the other man for a long moment before he lets his eyes fall shut. this isn't weakness. but this also isn't courage or strength either. he doesn't know what it is. he'll need to figure it out later. for the moment, he simply stays there close against him like he is, dick's fingers at the back of his neck almost burning him with how unfamiliar such a touch is to him. )


And what do you want?

( he shouldn't ask. yet he does. )
Date: 2024-01-01 08:55 pm (UTC)

batsymbol: πš‹πšŠπšπšœπš’πš–πš‹πš˜πš• (pic#16507551)
From: [personal profile] batsymbol
( so it's an in the moment thing, is it? hm. maybe this is all more physical than emotional then. maybe this is just... some thing for the night. does that make it better? does that make it ok? he doesn't know. but he can feel the desire β€” the desperation almost there on the other's lips for whatever this is that he finds himself nosing gently at dick there in the silence that falls between them after.

a silence that almost feels as if he's contemplating it. )


Just this.

( words soft, it's said not asked. as if trying to confirm what it is he's hearing from the other man. as if letting him hear it said back to him to know that's what he wants. )

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sorry for the delay. it's been a week at work.

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